If this is the first corner of the internet you’ve visited this week, let me be the first to tell you that Republican presidential hopeful and noted hair-wearer Donald Trump called for a ban on Muslims entering the U.S. in a press release on Monday. The most obvious conclusion would be to compare him to Hitler, of course, but comparing people to Hitler on the internet is so clichéd. I mean, there’s been a saying about it since 1990. So the good people of Twitter have gone one better, and started comparing Trump to Voldemort.
Some are hoping that if we avoid saying Trump’s name, and convince the Daily Prophet — that is, the media — to stop talking about him, he’ll eventually be defeated by a boy wizard. (I hope I didn’t just spoil Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for you, but honestly, why haven't you read it by now? Get yourself together.) Others are wondering if Trump has somehow solidified his power by splitting his soul into pieces and hiding them in horcruxes (the first of which would, of course, be that hair). Hell, the New York Daily News is even asking its readers who’s scarier, Trump or Voldemort. Why not ask an expert? Harry Potter author and certified Twitter wizard J.K. Rowling weighed in on the Trump/Voldemort comparison herself on Tuesday morning:
How horrible. Voldemort was nowhere near as bad. https://t.co/hFO0XmOpPH— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) December 8, 2015
BRB, flying to Scotland to high-five her. So just how similar are these two evil dudes? Let's compare and contrast. (If you haven't read all the books and seen all the movies, I feel bad for you, son... and also, you're about to read some SPOILERS.)
The Both Clawed Their Way To The Top On The Backs Of Others
When Lord Voldemort was too weak to exist in his own body, he hitched a ride on the back of Professor Quirrell's head. Donald Trump is rich because his daddy was.
They're Both Obsessed With Picking On This One Kid
Voldemort has been trying to kill Harry Potter since he was an infant. Come on, who the hell holds a grudge against a baby? Donald Trump's favorite pastime is picking on Marco Rubio. Basically the same. (Although Trump was also so obsessed with Obama's birth certificate for so long that we could also say Baby Obama fits this role.)
Both Have... Issues With Race Relations
Which Is Odd, Because...
Voldemort's dad was a Muggle, which makes him a Half-Blood. Trump's mother, grandfather, wife, and ex-wife are immigrants, which makes him a hypocrite.
Their Supporters Are Terrifying
Voldemort's Death Eaters look like the ghosts of the Klu Klux Klan. Trump's father, Fred, may have been in the KKK. Trump's also been endorsed by August Kreis III, former KKK leader and convicted child molester.
But They Look Very Different!
Voldemort has no hair or nose. Donald Trump has very famous hair, and... an unremarkable nose, but still, it's a nose. One point for Trump. (That's the only point you get: You have a nose.)
And They Keep Different Company
Voldemort is BFFs with a snake, and a dude who spent 12 years as a rat. Trump is friends with Tom Brady. How that ranks greatly depends on where you live.
And Finally, Trump Sticks to His Guns
Before becoming a split-souled snake hybrid, Voldemort used to be a rather handsome young man named Tom Riddle. Donald Trump, however, has always been Donald Trump.
Images: Warner Brothers; Giphy(8)