What exactly is a "mean mom," I ask you? I'm not really sure, because every time one of my kids has called me a "mean" mom, I'm usually doing a halfway decent job of parenting. Here are a few examples: "Eat your vegetables." Mean mom. "Turn off the tv, let's play a game." Mean mom. "Go have a bath." Mean mom. I figure there must be a whole bunch of other "mean moms" out there torturing their children with good advice too, so here is a list of the eight "meanest" moms in the world. Watch as a cautionary tale (or instruction manual, either way).
There are a few benefits to being a "mean" mom, if you ask me. For one thing, you don't have much to live up to, do you? If you're one of the world's "meanest" moms, the only place to go is up. Also, people will take you seriously, and when I say people I mean small children. If you build a solid rep as a "mean" mom, you'll never have to worry about playdates that last forever or becoming the neighborhood drop off for everyone else's kids. As my youngest son told me after I volunteered on a class trip once, "My friends think you're nice, except when they won't behave. Then we all agree you're mean." Why thank you, kind sir.
Here are a few other moms who've done stellar job at parenting, even when their kids might claim otherwise:
Mean Moms Say 'No'
Look at that little face? How could you say no to that face? You couldn't, because you're probably not a mean mom, right?
Mean Moms Won't Let You Go Swimming With Strangers
Sometimes it's almost like mean moms are trying to trip you up, you know? Like, they think of your favorite things (cookies, ice cream, swimming) and invent situations when you will have to say no to them. How cruel is that?
Mean Moms Won't Give You Cupcakes
For pete's sake, Linda, the kid makes sense! Just give him a cupcake, he's earned it. And really, think of all the cupcakes he'll be able to buy you when he's pulling in the big bucks as a hot shot lawyer one of these days.
Mean Moms Make Your Baby Brother Grow Up
I'm not going to lie; I don't want that baby to grow up either. She's right to cry. One of these days, that sweet little baby brother is going to grow body hair in weird places and smell like the inside of a gym bag. Cry away, girl. Nobody blames you.
Mean Moms Eat Your Halloween Candy (Or Did They?)
Jimmy Kimmel, one of these days thousands of distressed children are going to descend upon you for this yearly prank of yours. Yes, it's hilarious and yes, some of us mean moms watch it over and over again for reasons we don't completely understand. But encouraging thousands of parents to tell their kids they ate their Halloween candy while they slept? And then videotaping their reactions for the world to see? That's cold, man.
Mean Moms Just Won't Let You Move On
So here is this little girl. She is clearly bright, clearly independent. And she's ready to move on to a new home. And what does her mean mom say? No way, you're only five. Talk about nitpicking...
Mean Moms Don't Appreciate Your Talent
Laughing at your kid? That's why you run to the bathroom and shut the door, mom. So they don't see you busting a gut (rookie mistake).
Mean Moms Don't Give You The Baby You Wanted
This girl already has a sister. Why does she need another one? Her mean mom won't give her a brother, and I feel her pain.
I feel all of their pain. Mean moms are totally the worst, right? If they're not giving you the wrong baby, they're withholding cupcakes and not letting you talk to strangers.