Courtesy of Yasmine Singh

My Husband's Libido Was No Match For Mine During Pregnancy, & That Was A Problem

Ad failed to load

The bump isn't what gets in the way when you're trying to have sex pregnant. You can try all the positions you like (such as: lazy sideways woman), but all the Kama Sutra in the world won't help if your husband doesn't want sex during pregnancy. When I found out I was expecting, I figured we would have to be gentler when getting busy, and I expected that as my belly grew we'd have to try different positions to accommodate these changes. As long as I wasn't in any pain and the baby wasn't in any danger, I expected to have a normal (but slightly adjusted) sex life during my pregnancy. Little did I know my husband and I would be on completely different pages.

If the swollen ankles and difficulty climbing stairs have an upside during pregnancy, it's in the increased flow of blood to your vulva. And the hormones might drive you a bit bananas, but they can also spark a sort of last-hurrah of love-making. That is, if your partner is into it. Your libido can also go the opposite direction: finding yourself in a new body, constantly crying out for coffee and being given dirty vanilla de-caf can be the death knell for sexual desire. I'm so empathetic to anyone going through the multitude of pregnancy-related changes: I think you should do whatever makes you feel good! For me, that thing was having sex. The one thing my husband didn't want to do.

Ad failed to load

First Trimester

During my first trimester, things were kind of scary. I had unexplained bleeding, which was even more terrifying because my PCOS which means I'm at a higher risk for a miscarriage. Between the bleeding and the PCOS, my husband and I refrained from sex for a little while. Eventually the bleeding stopped and my doctor gave me the green light to return to normal activities including sex. "It'll be good for you. It'll help you relax," my doctor assured me during a visit as I nervously asked a million and one questions about safe sex during pregnancy. I even brought my husband along, so my doctor could ease his fears as well.

We had never experienced such mismatched libidos, and it was awful. I was already emotional, so being a sexually frustrated, wobbling, hormonal mess made me feel super lonely.
Ad failed to load

Second Trimester

We began to have sex again but it wasn't as often as before. Soon after, the baby began to move and kick, and I think that's when it became real to my husband. Though we knew there was a baby growing inside of me, it's a whole different experience when you can feel and see movement. Sex became less frequent, but we were still having sex, so I didn't think much of it. As my belly grew, somewhere around five or six months in, my husband didn't seem comfortable having sex anymore. He said it felt strange to have sex, knowing the baby was "right there." He also worried that sex would cause a miscarriage or cause me to go into labor early, none of which was a concern my doctor had. He was a nervous wreck. Again, my doctor reassured us that sex was safe, but this time it didn't ease my husband's fears.

Yasmine Singh
Ad failed to load

At first, I shrugged it off. I was so busy with doctor appointments, decorating the nursery, and shopping for tiny hats that at first I don't think I noticed us having less sex, or no sex. But out of nowhere my sex drive skyrocketed. I was surfing a wave of pregnancy hormones, and in the mood more often than ever before. For the first time, I was the one most often initiating sex. But it was awkward. My growing belly kept getting in the way and my husband was more concerned about the baby than us having enjoyable sex.

Third Trimester

By now, I wanted sex way more than my husband, and was willing to do or try anything to make things work. I suggested different positions, and kept trying to reassure him that everything would be fine and that sex was safe, but I couldn't convince him. I felt guilty for harassing him for sex, but I couldn't help that my body was in go-mode.

Ad failed to load
Yasmine Singh

Everything reminded me of sex. As the days turned into weeks, I become very, very frustrated. It didn't help that my doctor casually mentioned that I should "enjoy sex as much as I could before a crying baby interrupted us." I felt pressure to have as much as as we could while we still had the time. I managed to convince my husband to have sex with me a few times during my last trimester, but it was very few and far in between. We had never experienced such mismatched libidos, and it was awful. I was already emotional, so being a sexually frustrated, wobbling, hormonal mess made me feel super lonely. I hated that we couldn't connect.

When we were trying to conceive, sex was robotic and not very fun, because we were having trouble. Now that I was pregnant and everything was fine, I really wanted to make up for lost time. I finally had my sex drive back, so to be rejected wasn't easy for me.

Ad failed to load

Yes, there is sex after children. But our unsynchronized sexual routine through my pregnancy taught me a lot about give and take in a relationship. It's strange to feel that sex got you into a situation, but can't get you out. Having maneuvered our way through one pregnancy, we are committed to not letting a bump get in the way again.

Watch Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries:

Ad failed to load

Check out the entire Romper’s Doula Diaries and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

5 Parenting Habits That Increase Your Chances Of Successfully Potty-Training Your Child

From starting solids to learning to walk, every childhood milestone presents its own unique set of challenges — but this is especially true of potty training. Indeed, the very thought strikes fear into the heart of many a toddler parent, particularly…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

Getting Pregnant Might Mean Losing The Plus-Size Body I Love

For the last two years, I haven’t been my body’s biggest champion. I’ve gained 50 pounds. The stress of helping a parent get sober, a house purchase, and a new job got the best of me. But now, at 36, with talks between my husband and I about having a…
By Loren Kleinman

7 Hilarious Differences Between Having A Baby In Your 20s Vs Your 30s

I was 24 when I had my daughter. And even though that pregnancy was neither expected nor pleasant, I was optimistic. Sure, I guess your 20s are "supposed" to be about finding yourself, finishing college, starting your career, and navigating less-than…
By Candace Ganger

Babies "R" Us Was The First Place I Went When I Found Out I Would Be A Mom

For years I struggled to have a baby, and the sight of toys and layettes made my heart hurt. For me, Toys "R" Us and Babies "R" Us were a complete no-go zone, a reminder of everything I was missing out on. My mom would walk the long way around Target…
By Becky Bracken

New Moms Have Two Options: Be "Sad & Fat" Or "Desperate & Thin"

As the line goes, the worst thing you could say about me, I've already thought about myself. In the early postpartum period with my son, it was: "I am overweight, lonely, and heartbroken." It was four days after I brought my son into the world, and I…
By Danielle Campoamor

6 Fascinating Facts About Spring Babies: You Could Have A Leader On Your Hands

Does the season in which you are born affect you or are all seasons pretty equal? It turns out that there are many ways in which the your child's birth season could give you an insight into things to come. Whether you are expecting a baby in the next…
By Shari Maurer

Kids Will Love These TV Shows & Movies Coming To Netflix In April

It's that time of the month again: as March draws to a close, Netflix gets ready for a little bit of spring cleaning. Though some TV shows and movies will have to find homes elsewhere, their departure makes room for all kinds of exciting new media. A…
By Megan Walsh

I'm A Stay-At-Home Mom &, Face It, These 11 Stereotypes Are Totally True

Hello, friends! It's me, your resident stay-at-home mom. You know, there's a lot that's said about me and my kind, and the vast majority of it is not even remotely true. For example, this whole "we're lazy, vapid, unambitious, anti-feminist, backstab…
By Jamie Kenney

The Pressure To Worry About The Gap Between Kids Is So Bad For Moms

"Two under two is absolutely crazy," a friend recently told me upon hearing the news that I was expecting a second child. "Why would you do this to yourself? Seriously, why?" However harsh her words, she was only echoing the same feelings I'd been ba…
By Marie Southard Ospina

To Be Honest, I Couldn't Survive Motherhood Without My Job

The decision to work outside the home once you've become a parent can be a complicated one. Some people don't really have a choice, and go back to work because they're either a single parent or can't sustain their family on one income. Some choose to…
By Priscilla Blossom

I Feel Guilty That My Kid’s Dad Is A Better Parent Than Me, & That’s BS

I was scared, and he was sure. I was clueless, and he was well-researched. I was making mistakes, and he was picking up the pieces. From the moment I found out I was pregnant until just last night, when I threw my hands up in the air and left the alw…
By Danielle Campoamor

These Millennial Parents Are Taking Gender-Neutral Parenting To An Entirely New Level

A woman on the subway looks at my bulbous shape and asks, “What are you having?” I take a deep breath and throw a glance to my 5-year-old. “I’m having a baby,” I say to the woman. “No, no” the woman says laughing as she pushes further. “Are you havin…
By Madison Young

My Daughter Is Obsessed With Being "Pretty" & I'm Way Past Terrified

Last week, when I picked up my daughter after school, she immediately wanted to know if I liked her hair. "Is it pretty?" she asked. Her hair was pulled up into two ponytails that were intertwined into thick, long braids. A shimmering pink and purple…
By Dina Leygerman

7 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 20s, But I Will

I was 24 when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. The pregnancy was a surprise, since I was on birth control (side note: antibiotics and birth control don't mix), but my partner and I decided to continue with the pregnancy and committed to m…
By Candace Ganger

7 Things I Wish My Partner Had Said To Me In The First Hour After Giving Birth

I don't know if it was the buzz of the surrounding machines, the non-existent cry of our son as the doctors tried to resuscitate him, or the fact that I'd already been through labor and delivery once before, but I knew something was missing after I h…
By Candace Ganger

Moms’ Groups Weren’t For Me, Sorry

I go to my moms’ club everyday of the week, but not usually on weekends. My moms' group is a place I can always count on finding fellow mothers who understand the daily struggles and triumphs of parenthood and of juggling life’s responsibilities. Dep…
By Samantha Taylor

I've Had 3 Miscarriages But *Please* Keep Telling Me About Your Pregnancy

I can feel the tension the moment my friend announces her pregnancy. I can hear the forced nonchalant attitude she's willing herself to exude as she fishes for the ultrasound. I know why I was the last to learn that she was expecting; why she keeps l…
By Danielle Campoamor

7 Early Signs You're Going To Need An Epidural, According To Experts

Even if you've constructed an elaborate birth plan, it's impossible to control every aspect of labor and delivery. Complications can occur, proactive measures might be necessary, and your mind is subject to change when those damn contractions really …
By Candace Ganger

11 Essential Products To Pack In Your Hospital Bag, According To OB-GYNs

The minute you go into labor (or think you're going into labor), chaos ensues. You and your partner are likely to get a little frantic, just like in the movies, so you most definitely want to have a hospital bag packed before the day comes. This prec…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

7 Photos You *Must* Take In The First 6 Months Of Motherhood

In my experience, becoming a mom is like becoming an amateur photographer. There's just something about the need to capture every single coo and sorta-smile that leaves you obsessed with all things photography. I know I couldn't stop taking selfies w…
By Candace Ganger