Choosing the people who will be around to support you for the birth of your child can be a daunting task and a decision that will impact your experience of bringing your baby into the world. So if youstart seeing red flags once you've made your hire, you might consider switching midwives during pregnancy. Taking action sooner rather than later is crucial. After all, you will be the person doing the majority of the hard work when push (literally) comes to shove– you deserve all the support you can get.
Of course, it's always ideal to make your first pick your best pick. Brooklyn-based doula and author Megan Davidson writes extensively about midwifery care in her book Your Birth Planand tells Romper that understanding what a midwife does is key to choosing the right one for you. "For many pregnant people, a midwife is an excellent option for prenatal care and birth support, but it‘s not uncommon for people to have inaccurate ideas about midwives — who they are, what they do, who their clients are, where they work," Davidson says.
When it comes down to it though, if you've committed to a midwife and things aren't working out, you may have to end the relationship. Here's what to look out for:
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They Don't Want To Be Interviewed Before Being Hired
Communicating with your midwife is something you will have to do throughout your entire pregnancy, so making sure that you can have an open dialogue is vital. Davidson recommends preparing a list of questions you might want to ask a midwife before deciding to work with one. "A good interview will help you have shared expectations and avoid a situation where you need to transfer your care to another provider," Davidson tells Romper.
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You Don't Like Their Backup Care
Just like when you have an obstetrician handling your birth, your midwife's backup caregiver could potentially be the person who delivers your baby, so if you are not comfortable with the backup caregiver, a conversation is warranted.
"Your midwife should have some sort of backup care or team, so I would figure out what that care is in case you need their backup. You need to meet their backup in case your midwife can't come to make sure you like them as well," says Simms.
If you're uncomfortable with the backup arrangement, speak up, Stellhorn says. She adds that a midwife should have more than one person as an option for back up. Have a conversation and see if their other back-up midwife is a better fit for you.
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You Feel Judged
"The main thing with any care is that you feel safe and welcome and not judged. Birth should be a judgment-free zone," says Simms. "That goes for race and sexual orientation — anything along those lines as well as any type of birth you want to have."
When you have a baby, you're already gearing up to be judged for many of the decisions you make. From how you choose to give birth to how you choose to feed your baby, opinions will come flying at you from many directions. This should never be the case with the person you choose and hire to support you through birth.
"Birth is not a time to try to 'deal' with things. If you have tried to communicate with your midwife and you continue to feel disconnect and even judgment, then I definitely recommend firing your midwife and hiring someone who is a better fit," Stellhorn says. "The perfect midwife for you is out there."