Some Internet genius has just given us a wonderful holiday gift: a Star Wars mashup of Donald Trump and Darth Vader that proves that Sith Lord Donald Trump is truly more terrifying than Darth Vader could ever be. (And really, we all thought that was impossible.) Featuring scenes from the three original Star Wars movies, A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi, Vader’s dialog has been carefully replaced with actual sound bites of Donald Trump, intermingled with the original dialog of the other actors, and it fits perfectly.
We open, as always, with a shot of an Imperial Star Destroyer. But while Vader’s theme was the “Imperial March,” Trump’s, as we all know, is “We’re Not Gonna Take It” by Twisted Sister. Doesn’t quite set the tone as well, but let’s go with it, OK? Also, the ship has a giant Trump campaign sign, which is … more scary? Yeah, I’m gonna go with it. His slogan, of course: “Make The Galaxy Great Again.”
Inside the ship, Vader is confronted by Princess Leia, to whom he rants about Ben Carson’s weird stories that he attacked his mother with a hammer, and attempted to stab his friend. Watch carefully: even Vader’s gestures sync with Trump’s words. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Leia replies. You and me both, sister.
Check out all the ways that Vader’s scenes were improved by replacing him with Darth Trump:
When He Lectures Admiral Motti On Foreign Policy
Quick tip: never insult your boss' religion, whether he's a Jedi or a Presbyterian. He might just force choke you. But it's even scarier when he does so while lecturing you on all the deals he's made with China.
When He Declares War On Hoth
Set your course for the Hoth system. General Veers, prepare your men!
You don't have to be a total genius to figure this out, even though I am a genius, OK? I'm more militaristic than anybody in this room, just so you understand. I am really good at war. I love war, in a certain way. But only when we win.
When Luke Would Rather Plummet To His Death Than Hear About The War On Christmas
Sure, finding out that the most evil guy in the galaxy is your father would be pretty rough. But imagine being backed into a corner by Trump and being forced to listen to him b*tch about how Macy's employees don't wish customers "Merry Christmas" anymore. LOL, bye.
When He Discusses Generals With Emperor Palpatine
I'll just leave you with this:
I'm gonna find a general who's so good. Who's so mean, and so smart. I don't want just mean; I want mean and smart. You know, I know a lot of tough guys, but they're stupid.
When He Comes Back!
Evil-turned-good spirit of your father coming back to smile at you: sweet.
Ghost of Hayden Christensen, whom you've never met, appearing in the woods (sans "Yub Nub"): awful.
Poltergeist of Trump returning, because he's not done telling you how great he is: Noooooooo!
Watch the whole thing here (there's a lot I didn't tell you about), realize that you live in a universe where Trump actually exists (and could soon take over), and then go back to bed.