The first time I was on a plane, I was scared to go to the washroom. I was 7 years old, and we were flying to Disney World because my mom was the best. I loved the plane, but there was no way I was using that toilet. Why, you ask? I knew for sure I would be sucked out of the toilet and go careening to earth... with my pants around my ankles. Which would have made dying a million times worse. It's also why I find such relief in the many trending #weirdchildhoodfears tweets floating around Twitter at the moment — because it's nice to know you're not the only oddball out there.
Here's a little tip: If you're ever at a party and you want to separate the awesome people from the duds, play the "weird childhood fears" card. Ask someone what their weirdest childhood fear was and if the best they can do is something like, "I was terrified I would get a B on a test, but that was an irrational fear because I always got As," then they're probably not going to be super fun. But if you happen to meet someone who, say, thought a shark might be able to swim up through the drain (it would deflate itself, and then re-inflate in the tub in order to eat the feet of bathing children, obviously), then they're clearly going to be amazing. Because they have imaginations. And because they own up to being awkward and weird, which makes them the best.
So if awkward and weird are the barometer for awesomeness, some of these #weirdchildhoodfears tweets are going to be the life of the party:
Fear Of Food
Food is scary to kids because deep down, kids worry that the things they're eating are going to fight back in some weird, terrifying way.
Did anyone else out there assume that quicksand would play a much larger role in their lives? Yeah, me too.
Thank you so much, Stephen King and Tim Curry (who played the maniacal clown Pennywise in It). It's been 30 years since the miniseries was unleashed on the world, and kids are still having nightmares.
Not gonna lie, guys — I'm a grown ass lady and I would still sleep with a nightlight if I wasn't worried about being shamed for it. The dark is spooky. Maybe this one isn't so irrational.
Not everyone thought their closet held a secret world. Some of us just figured "monsters."
Isn't it adorable the way dolls of all kinds are made to look like us? Why no... no it's not.
Rooms In Your Own House
The sad truth is, most of us are still scared of all of these things. And now we have actual, real-life things to worry about too like paying bills and gun violence and Donald Trump. Wouldn't it be nice to just go back and worry about a clown in your closet again? Simpler times.