Former Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky-Manno has made a career out of painting a pretty gorgeous picture of her life. On Instagram and as a popular blogger, the mom of two gives the impression that her life with her family is all smiles, happiness, and impossibly clean white furniture. This is usually the sort of social media footprint I find problematic because it gives vulnerable young moms a false sense of how other people might be living their lives. But Fedotowsky-Manno is not about perfection. She's about being real and relatable. In a recent blog post, Fedotowsky-Manno admitted she gets "angry" that her husband gets to go to work while she stays home with the kids. And boy, can I ever relate.
Fedotowsky-Manno has two children with radio and TV personality husband Kevin Manno; 2-year-old daughter Molly and 9-week-old son Riley. In a Thursday blog post, the former reality star wrote that she's having a bit of a "challenging" week, which was frustrating for her because the week earlier she "was on a total high surrounded by nothing but love and positive vibes in every aspect of my life!" as she wrote on her blog.
This week was a different story for the new mom, however. Which any parent of small children knows is sort of the way things roll when you have little kids around.
So what was it about this week that Fedotowsky-Manno found so challenging? She's simply overwhelmed trying to make all of the parts of her life fit together.
Trying to keep up with my business endeavors, run my blog, and take care of my two small children has really proved to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
So hard, in fact, that Fedotowsky-Manno admitted she spent two full days in her pajamas, and the way she wrote it makes me think she sees this as a failure rather than just a regular mid-week occurrence like it is in my home.
The new mom even found herself getting resentful of her husband for "getting" to go to work and leaving her to deal with the 24/7 job that is taking care of two small kids, as she wrote on her blog:
Honestly, I find myself feeling angry at Kevin sometimes because he GETS to go to work everyday and get a break. I remember going to work after we had Molly and feeling like it was a vacation and not even work. And my “mom job” at home is 10 times harder now that we have two kids, so I bet going to work will feel like a spa day once I go back (when I’m emotionally ready to leave Riley – but that’s a whole other blog post).
Yes to all of these things. Yes to feeling bogged down not just by the physical labor of being a mom but also the emotional labor, which sometimes feels significantly more draining. Yes to resenting your partner's freedom. And mostly, yes to Fedotowsky's honesty.
This isn't the first time Fedotowsky-Manno has gotten real about what motherhood really looks like. Earlier this month, she shared a picture of her postpartum belly and admitted in her Instagram post that she was feeling "vulnerable" about it. Happily, heaps of fans thanked her for her honesty, according to the Daily Mail, because sometimes the internet is a warm pool of kindness and acceptance.
To me, this is a beautiful thing. A mom putting herself out there and getting vulnerable, only to be embraced by other moms who probably needed someone to make them feel seen. As Fedotowsky-Manno beautifully explained in her most recent blog post:
I know I post really pretty photos to Instagram and here on my blog. And I write about how much I love my kids all the time because quite frankly, I do love them to pieces! But at the end of the day I’m a normal parent like all of you and I have breakdowns and failures.
And guess what? All of that is totally OK. It's normal to resent your partner if they are leaving to go to work with grown-ups and coffee and clean clothes and such. It's normal to have a tough week. What's less ideal is keeping it all inside. Which is why posts like this one from Ali Fedotowsky-Manno are genuinely important.