Holidays

53 A Christmas Story Quotes That’ll Live In Your Brain Rent-Free

It’s all about the “frageelay,” folks.

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When you were a kid, what gift did you really want to get for holidays? Was there one special toy that, to this day, fills you with sweet nostalgia? Well, then you can definitely relate to Ralphie, the blue-eyed bespectacled protagonist of A Christmas Story (you know, the movie that they play for 24 hours straight on both TBS and TNT on Christmas Eve and Day). And if you’ve caught even one viewing of the mega marathon, then you know that there are some really awesome A Christmas Story quotes that are fun to incorporate into your own conversations. Because only true fans of the movie know how to really say the word “fragile”.

Picture it: It’s the ‘40s, and the only thing that 9-year-old Ralphie wants for Christmas is an official Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model air rifle. (Yep, he wants a BB gun.) But much to his chagrin, everyone from his mom, his teacher Miss Shields, and even Santa himself all tell him the same thing: “You’ll shoot your eye out!” So Ralphie gets creative in his ways to convince everyone that he needs the Red Ryder gun, from hiding an ad for the toy in his mother’s magazine, to penning a “What I Want For Christmas” essay, to scaling a pretty steep slide to tell Santa that he wants the BB gun… and not a football.

Truth be told, there are some hilarious one-liners in A Christmas Story, uttered by the Old Man (aka Ralphie’s dad), his younger brother Randy, his mom, and Ralphie himself. And now with the release of A Christmas Story Christmas (the eagerly anticipated sequel with the original cast — including Peter Billingsley reprising his role as Ralphie Parker), there are even more lines to love. So get ready to brush up on your Italian, because this list has all the “frageelay” feels.

1

Best quotes from the original A Christmas Story movie

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1. “You’ll shoot your eye out!” — Santa Claus

2. “I triple dog dare you!” — Schwartz

3. “I can’t put my arms down!” — Randy

4. “Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.” — Ralphie

5. “Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap.” — Ralphie

6. “Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double beetloaf. I hate meatloaf.” — Randy

7. “That son of a b-tch would freeze up in the middle of summer on the equator!” — The Old Man

8. “He looks like a deranged Easter bunny.” — The Old Man

9. “In our world, you were either a bully, a toady, or one of the nameless rabble of victims.” — Ralphie

10. “I didn’t get a tie this year?” — The Old Man

11. “In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity, that as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.” — Ralphie

12. “It was... soap poisoning.” — Ralphie

13. “The Bumpuss hounds hated everyone but my dad.” — Ralphie

14. “Adults loved to say things like that but kids knew better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught.” — Ralphie

15. “We’re all out of glue.” — Mother

16. “Shut up, Ralphie!” — The Old Man

17. “Naddafinga!” — The Old Man

18. “He had yellow eyes! So help me God! Yellow eyes!” — Ralphie

19. “He looks like a pink nightmare!” — The Old Man

20. “It’s, uh, smiling at me.” — The Old Man

21. “Oh my god, I shot my eye out!” — Ralphie

22. “Mommy’s little piggie.” — Mother

23. “Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial!” — Ralphie

24. “Only I didn’t say, ‘Fudge.’ I said THE word, the big one, the queen mother of dirty words, the ‘F-dash-dash-dash’ word!” — Ralphie

25. “Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.” — Ralphie

26. “We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice.” — Ralphie

27. “It’s a major award!” — The Old Man

28. “You used up all the glue on purpose!” — The Old Man

29. “Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl.” — Ralphie

30. “Every family has a kid that won’t eat. My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.” — Ralphie

31. “Three blocks away, Schwartz was getting his.” — Ralphie

32. “Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.” — Ralphie

33. “You can put your arms down when you get to school.” — Mother

34. “Yeah, statue!” — Ralphie

35. “Fraa-jeel-aay! It must be Italian!” — The Old Man

2

Best quotes from A Christmas Story Christmas

1. “When you’re a kid, all you want is the perfect Christmas gift. When you’re a parent, all you want is for Christmas to be perfect.” — Ralphie

2. “Life moves fast. One day, you’re playing kick the can with kids named Flick and Schwarz, and the next thing you know, you’re paying taxes and pulling out grey hairs.” — Ralphie

3. “Have you ever had the delicacy of cereal with orange juice?” — Ralphie

4. “Merry my foot!” — Ralphie

5. “One day he’d see; they’d all see.” — Ralphie

6. “Eat your heart out, Hemingway.” — Ralphie

7. “Nothing can prepare us for one of life’s most painful and inescapable events — the passing of a parent.” — Ralphie

8. “There is no nobler a sacrifice for the common egg than the ingenious automotive repair known as The Midwest Souffle.” — Ralphie

9. “Our car ate more eggs than Cool Hand Luke.” — Ralphie

10. “In the Southwest, it’s said they bring chili con carne. Atlantic states, stew. But here in Hohman, it’s the fabled casserole that appears in times of need.” — Ralphie

11. “The death knell for stool rats ‘round the world. No one knows for whom the bell tolls.” — Ralphie

12. “Attics are museums of indifference.” — Ralphie

13. “My mother’s cure-all for any breach of the skin, from a splinter to a decapitation, was a healthy swab of Bactine.” — Ralphie

14. “Don’t let him kick you in the face.” — Ralphie

15. “If revenge is a dish best served cold, this was a frozen dinner.” — Ralphie

16. “I triple dog dare ya!” — Flick

17. “Any sensible person knows that people over 40 shouldn’t go sledding, but these weren’t sensible people.” — Ralphie

18. “The term ‘breaking and entering’ has always had such an unduly, sinister tone. ‘Borrowing from a friend’, on the other hand, that sounded downright neighborly.” — Ralphie

There are some holiday films that have such memorable moments that you can’t help but remember them. That’s why we triple dog dare you to not quote lines from A Christmas Story, because as far as movies go, it’ll make you want to drink your Ovaltine.

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