Sexy time doesn’t have to start once you’re both in bed together and between the sheets. Actually, the anticipation of what’s to come (ahem) can be even more exciting than the act itself. (Well, almost.) That’s why you should figure out a way to get yourself and your sweetie aroused before the main event. If you want to be intimate during the evening, these foreplay ideas you and your partner can do throughout the day can make for a magical night.
Because, let’s face it, getting in the mood can start long before clothes even come off. And that’s because couples (even those who see each other 24/7) might need something to start things off. “Communicating desire and anticipation throughout the day is a great way to keep both partners focused on their connection and their eroticism,” Carol Queen, PhD, a sex therapist and staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, tells Romper. “A lot of stress can happen in a day, so making your connection a safe haven and a source of anticipated pleasure is a great way to keep intimacy and your connection to your own sexuality strong.” Ultimately, it’s not about the turn-on, but the ties that you share with your sweetie that can make sex spectacular.
Toni Coleman, LCSW, a psychotherapist and relationship coach, agrees. “Foreplay is all about the little gestures, acts of service, and positive words that happen outside the bedroom,” she says. “Without these, couples have a lot of trouble crossing the emotional divide that results from inattention, poor communication, and taking one another for granted.”
So if you want to keep the connection (and, you know, have an orgasm or three), these foreplay ideas can really put you in the right mind frame for romance — and a good romp in the sack, too.
Leave Little Love Notes
Old fashioned love notes never go out of style. You can leave one for your partner in the morning, reminding them of how much you love them, or even just to express gratitude for taking out the garbage, Babita Spinelli, LP, a psychotherapist, tells Romper. “You can leave love notes in the house, especially if both of you are working remotely.”
Kiss… But A Real One
When lunches must be made and kids have to get on the bus, you probably settle for a peck on the lips or cheek before starting your day. But a real kiss can remind both of you how lovely it is to have that intimate connection. “Linger over a kiss before parting ways,” advises Spinelli. It just might make you feel something that you’ll want to act out later on after the kids are in the bed.
Sure, you could shower solo, but where’s the fun in that? Ask your partner to hop in and help suds each other up. “Enjoy a daytime bath or a morning shower before kicking off the rest of the day,” says Spinelli. Maybe it might lead to a quickie right then and there, or you could towel off and pick up where you left off later. At that time, though, you might want to set the scene with a steamy bath and soothing oils that will make both of you silky smooth — and sexy, too.
No one is saying that slapping together a meal during the witching hour is going to make you want to bang your partner. But a more relaxed meal prep just might be the sexual mood enhancer you need, Spinelli says. “Be playful while cooking dinner — a kiss on the neck or a massage to the soldiers while prepping,” she says. And once your appetite for food has been satiated, you might look for another desire to be fulfilled.
Give Each Other Playful Touches
With kiddos climbing all over you every dang day, you’re probably so touched out by already. Still, touching your partner can create physical intimacy before, well, the physical intimacy. It might be playing with your partner’s hair, a loving back rub, or even footsies under the table, Spinelli advises. Physical touch, even in a fun way like tickling or a smack on the butt, can remind you that playing can be sexy, indeed.
Snap A Sexy Pic
Maybe you scored some sexy lingerie at the Victoria’s Secret semi-annual sale. Why not snap a shot of yourself wearing it and send it to your partner? “You can share a photo of a piece of lingerie you may be wearing later,” says Spinelli. It’ll be hard to keep the focus until you can put on (and take off) that lingerie later.
Do Some Dirty Dancing
No, we’re not talking about stripper pole stuff (but hey, if that floats your boat, that works, too.) You can put on some music, and dance around the room. “You might want to put on some sexy music and dance, either alone or with your partner.” Watch how fast baby is put to bed so the parents can have some alone time.
Give Each Other A Big Hug
Sometimes, a big bear hug is all that you need to remind your partner how loved they are — and how much they turn you on. “If a partner’s love language is physical touch, offering a hug, coming up behind them and wrapping their arms around them, or using a more intimate physical gesture, can make the moment sweet and sexy,” says Coleman.
Show Your Appreciation
If affirmations are right up your partner’s alley, taking a few moments to say how much you appreciate them for everything that they do. Of course, you can always be a little inspired and pen something sexy, too. Says Coleman: “Writing a little note saying: ‘I have been thinking about you all day,’ and my ‘My mind keeps drifting to what I would love to do to you later’ will get a partner's attention and begin to set the right mood.”
There’s texting… and then there’s sexting. When you’re feeling frisky, it’s time to break out the eggplant emojis and let your partner know what’s really on your mind, Beth Sonnenberg, LCSW, tells Romper. “Sexy texts throughout the day about what you want to do sexually later can be a fun way to stay connected,” says Sonnenberg. “Use emojis and GIFS with flirty innuendos to keep things fun and light.”
Crack Some Jokes
There’s something so, so sexy about laughing together that makes it the perfect road to romance. “You can reference private jokes you have together to make you feel more connected,” says Sonnenberg. It might not even be something sexual; even a joke about the time you accidentally tooted in bed can bring about laughter and loving thoughts. “All these ideas can help couples feel connected, desired by their spouse and keep things playful and exciting,” she says. After all, laughter is a lovely release... until you can have a bigger release later.
Leave An Inspirational Voicemail
If texting seems totally impersonal, you might want to reach out and phone in your fantasy, Sonnenberg suggests. “Leave each other sweet voicemail messages saying you can’t wait to see them later that night,” she says. All that longing will surely bring about some pretty lusty feelings that you can act out later.
Foreplay shouldn’t be something that’s forgotten in your relationship, but rather given pivotal importance. Not only does it build physical and emotional responses that make sex even more exciting, but it creates an intimacy that won’t just give you plenty of pleasure, but strengthen your bond as well.
Carol Queen, PhD, a sex therapist
Toni Coleman, LCSW, a psychotherapist and relationship coach
Babita Spinelli, LP, a psychotherapist
Beth Sonnenberg, LCSW