It’s officially time to flip those calendars once more and kick off a new year. (Because what is time?) From glitzy New Year’s Eve parties with champagne toasts at midnight to having a mid-day NYE celebration with kids so they can go to bed at a decent hour, there are plenty of things to do to celebrate the changing of years. But no matter how you plan to ring in 2023, there’s no better way to end one year and start the next than by sharing a laugh with friends and family. From fun riddles to corny knock knock jokes and every silly saying in between, these New Year’s Jokes are a hilariously awesome way to celebrate.
New Year’s jokes
- What is a New Year’s resolution? Something that goes in one ear and out the other.
- What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s.
- What did the ghost say on Jan. 1? Happy Boo Year!
- What is a New Year’s resolution? A to-do list for the first week of January.
- What did the cheerleader say on New Year’s Day? Happy New Cheer!
- What is corn on the cob’s favorite day of the year? New Ears Day.
- Why should you put your calendar in the freezer on New Year’s Day? To start the year off in a cool way.
- What happened to the person who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Day? They got 12 months.
- What did the caterpillar do on Jan. 1? Turned over a new leaf.
- What do you use in the bathroom on Jan. 1 after you go number 2? A New Year’s bidet.
- What does a field grow on Jan. 1? New Year’s hay.
- What do you call someone who knows all the words to Aude Lang Syne? A liar.
- Why do birds fly south for the New Year? It’s too far for them to walk.
New Year’s Eve jokes
- Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve? Times Square.
- What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve? Chill out.
- What happened to the fireworks who were arrested on New Year’s Eve? They were let off.
- What do jewelers do on New Year’s Eve? Ring in the New Year.
- What happened to the iPhone bully on New year’s Eve? It was charged with battery.
- What should you never eat on New Year’s Eve? Fire crackers.
- Why did I quit looking forward to NYE in Times Square? Because every year they dropped the ball.
- What did Steven like to be called on New Year’s Eve? New Year’s Steve.
- What did Adam say to Eve on December 31? It’s New Year’s, Eve.
- Why did the little kid sprinkle sugar on their pillow on December 31? They wanted to start the New Year off in a sweet way.
- What did the little champagne bottle call his dad? Pop!
- What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve? Social Security.
- Where can you find comedians at the New Year’s Eve party? Waiting for the punchline.
- What do you say to your friends on New Year’s Day? I haven’t seen you since last year!
- Why was 6 afraid of 7 on New Year’s Eve? Because 7, 8, 9.
- Why did I start making breakfast at midnight on Dec. 31? To make a New Year’s toast!
- What’s the worst part about a run on New Year’s Eve? The ice falling out of your drink.
- Why do they drop the ball in Times Square on New Year’s Eve? To remind me of what I did all year.
- When you’re young, you have to be allowed to stay up on New Year’s Eve. When you’re old, you have to be forced to.
- How did Prince celebrate the New Millennium? He partied like it’s 1999.
- Why do vampires celebrate on New Year’s Eve? For Old Fangs Time.
New Year’s riddles
- The day before yesterday I was 31, and next year I will be 34. When is my birthday? December 31.
- Can you name the most recent year when New Years came before Christmas? This year.
- What’s the easiest New Year’s resolution to keep? This year, I’m going to be myself.
- I was going to stop all of my bad habits in the New Year. Then, I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
- Which New Year’s resolution is guaranteed to be successful? A resolution to break all of your resolutions.
- I ordered a pizza for half-hour delivery. It came in time. It also came next year. How is this possible? I ordered it at 11:30 p.m. on New Year’s Eve.
- There’s one simple answer to a New Year’s resolution of reading more for someone who only watches TV. What is it? Turn on the subtitles.
- In what year did Christmas Day and New Year’s Day fall in the same year? Every year.
New Year’s knock knock jokes
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby New Year!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Razor. Razor who? Razor glass and say cheers to the New Year!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Howie. Howie who? Howie gonna stay up until midnight? I’m exhausted!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Cheese. Cheese who? For cheese a jolly good fellow!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce have a much better year than last!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Radio. Radio Who? Radio not, the New Year is here!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Hanna. Hanna who? Hanna Happy New Year!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Howie. Howie who? Howie going to stay awake until midnight when I’m so tired?
End this year with a laugh and start the next one with a smile when you tell these New Year’s jokes and riddles to your family and friends.
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