100 Questions To Ask Your Partner At Every Relationship Stage

Get to know them, dive deep, or reconnect.

Feb. 6, 2023

Do you ever find yourself wanting to connect with your partner, but when you try to think of what to talk about, you just hear crickets? You’re not alone — making a mental note of some questions to ask your partner at every relationship stage will help you spark better, deeper conversations. Whether you’re on your third date, or your third kid together, these conversation starters will help you feel more connected. And if you’re looking for more of a date-night game, try asking each other would you rather questions for couples.

Questions to ask your partner when you're dating

Ah, the early days of getting to know someone. If you’ve gone over all the first-date questions about favorite movies, bands, and books, bring a few of these questions to your next meetup. They dive just a little bit deeper, without getting too serious too soon.

What similarities do you think we have?
What are our big differences?
Do you think a younger you would be excited about our relationship?
What has drawn you to your past romantic partners?
What pushed you away?
What do you like most about your life right now?
Is there anything you want to change in the next few months or year?
Who was your first real crush?
Who was your childhood hero, and why did you admire them?
Would you rather date an introvert or an extrovert?
What do you consider cheating?
What did you learn from your parents' relationship?
What makes you feel loved, and how do you show love to others?
How would your friends describe you?
Would you rather have weekend plans made or have nothing to do?
If you didn’t have to work or worry about money, how would you spend your time?
What are your three favorite qualities about yourself?
What’s the first thing you noticed about me?
When did you know you wanted to kiss me?

When you're official & talking about the future

So, you’re all official now? Well, if you want to dive into who your partner really is and get a sense of if they’re *the one,* try asking these questions over wine during your next evening on the couch. Chances are, you’ll end the conversation feeling even closer than before.

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What was your first impression of me?
How does that compare to your thoughts about me now?
How did you know you wanted to make it official with me?
What do you see as the perfect first place to live for us?
Do you want children?
Do you imagine yourself having pets? What kind, and how many?
What’s the best gift I’ve ever given you?
Is there anything you've been holding onto that you want to get off your chest?
What has surprised you about our relationship so far?
How would you define emotional intimacy?
Have you noticed any negative patterns in your past relationships that we might slip into?
What are your boundaries like with your family and friends?
What was your first heartbreak like?
What’s something I do that turns you on?
What’s something I do that’s totally irritating?
Are you satisfied with your life outside of our relationship?
Short-term and long-term, what goals do you have for us?

Questions to ask your partner when you're moving in

Moving in together is such a fun relationship stage. While you’re picking out sheets and stocking the kitchen, be sure to have a chat about the actual process of living together and blending your daily lives. The better you prepare yourselves, the less likely you are to bicker over the little things.

What is your daily routine like? When do you get up for work, get home, like to eat, and so on?
How much sleep do you like to get each night?
Do you know how to tell when I’m angry?
What are your pet peeves?
How can we communicate about wanting time together or alone?
What challenges do you foresee us having?
How can we work through them together?
Do you have any deal-breakers that would make you seriously reconsider our relationship?
What fears do you have about taking this next step together?
What are you most excited about in this phase?
Who in your life are you close enough to that you’re OK with them coming over on short notice, or unannounced?
Do you feel strongly about how we decorate our space?
How do you feel about inviting people over, and how much notice should we give each other?
Which chores do you hate doing the most, and mind the least?
What’s your favorite time of day to be intimate?
What habits do you want to establish or break in our new place?
If we like to take our space after an argument, how can we do that while living together?
Will we still set aside time to go on dates outside of the house?

Questions to ask your partner when you're getting married

Wedding planning can be a blast, or kind of a stressful blur, or both. Amid all the hustle and bustle, don’t forget to talk to each other about your relationship, what this next step means, and what it’s all really about: your love.

What do you think makes a good life partner?
How do you think a marriage is different from the committed relationship we’ve had?
How have your dreams changed since we first met?
Do I have any spending or financial habits that concern you?
Do we want to share all our bank accounts and credit cards, or keep some (or all) things separate?
What’s your favorite activity that we do together?
How do you see our relationship changing in the next five, 10, and 20 years?
Do you feel appreciated in our relationship?
How do you feel about our sex life right now?
When you think about having children one day, what kind of discipline do you see yourself using?
What three values would you most want to instill in our children?
Do you like the way we address conflict right now?
If not, how can we improve upon it?
How will we handle conflicts with each others’ families?
What’s your favorite thing I ever did for you for a special occasion?
If you could change one thing about us as a couple, what would it be?

Questions to ask your partner after kids

Having children is such a special milestone in any relationship, and it’s also the one that can bring about the most change, tension, and resentment, as everyone’s duties and responsibilities change (and you’re both sleep deprived). But being able to sit, reconnect as a couple, and talk about your goals as a parenting unit can make you feel like you’re back on the same team.

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Do you wish you were raised differently? How, and why?
When you think about how your parents parented you, what do you want to replicate with our kids?
What traditions from your family do you want to continue with ours?
What movies, books, or songs are you most excited to share with our children?
What are some memories you know you want to make as a family?
Did your family take trips when you were young? Is that something you’d like to recreate?
Was your family super affectionate growing up, or were they more reserved with hugs and I love yous?
What’s your favorite part of being a parent?
What do you admire about me as a parent?
As a child, did you trust both of your parents?
What challenges do you feel you’re up against as a parent right now?
What do you miss from our pre-baby life that we could try to do more of?
What has been your favorite memory with our kids so far?
How do you feel about traveling with children at this age?
What is your favorite thing we do right now as a family? As a couple?

Long-term questions to ask your partner

If you’ve been together for a while and you’re just looking to start some good conversation, or reconnect mid-week amid all the chaos of life and work, these questions to ask your partner can help.

If I ever lost my memory, what’s the first thing you’d tell me about us?
What or who did your parents name you after? What's your relationship like to your name?
Who is the kindest person you've ever met? What makes them so kind?
What would you like to prioritize more in your life?
What would you like to prioritize more in our relationship?
When have you felt most loved by me?
What was your first favorite movie, as a child?
Knowing what you know now, what would you tell your younger self?
What's the best piece of advice you've ever received? How have you applied it in your life?
If you could know one thing about your future, what would it be?
Would you rather know the day you’ll die, or the reason?
What was your first favorite movie as a child?
What's your favorite memory of our relationship?
What's something we've never done together that you'd like to do?
How can I love you better?

Here’s to having deeper conversations on dates, and being totally prepared for big life changes as a couple.