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Reddit Husband Decides Wife Is Not A SAHM Because Daughter Goes To School

“I refer to her as a stay at home wife and not mom.”

A husband has people on Reddit debating the very definition of “stay at home mom.” He took to the sub-Reddit “Am I The A**hole” forum to complain about the fact that his wife asked him to do some extra chores around the house, even though she doesn’t work outside the home. When pressed, he eventually admitted that they have a 7-year-old daughter, but he didn’t feel that staying home qualified as a job and that, given their circumstances, he didn’t see his wife as a stay at home mom, either.

The Reddit user posted his question on Thursday, asking his fellow social media users if he was in the right for telling his wife that she simply had a hobby rather than a job. The original poster explained that he is out of the house for around 12 hours a day for his work, while his wife stays home. She recently decided to start writing a book, and that task led to her asking her husband to help out with some of the household chores because “she is working too now.”

He decided to tell his wife that writing a book is “not a job and and just a hobby until she starts making money” and that he “tried to tell her that we agreed that she takes care of the house while I make the money.” She got upset, and has since been sleeping in the guest room, which has him questioning the interaction.

In an edit to his original post, the husband casually added that they do have a daughter, but in his opinion that child wasn’t in the house enough to qualify his wife as a stay at home mom. “[Our daughter] goes to school at around 7:35 in the morning and comes back almost 5pm in the evening after her extra circulars so my wife only watches her for about 2 hours without me each day which is why i refer to her as a stay at home wife and not mom.”

Reddit certainly weighed in, and it was actually quite surprising to see how many people backed this husband up in his stance. “In his edit he says the kid is at school all day, then extracurriculars after and she only gets home two hours before him. So most of the day his wife is alone in the house,” wrote one person, while many responded that the mom’s allotted household duties should only take her a few hours.

Another poster, however, pointed out that there’s a lot of work that the husband and those who agree with him likely aren’t considering. “So no one has to buy the kid clothes or school supplies, brush her hair, help her pack her bag and get ready or do her homework, remind her to shower, feed her etc.? She's entirely self sufficient or OP does everything himself so that's why she's a SAHW and not a SAHM? Because she never parents? Not saying that not doing the chores is the answer but come on now lol a 7 year old isn't miraculously only getting 2 hours of care a day from one person. There's a ton of tasks involved in keeping her alive and well outside of those 2 hours.”

Being a stay at home mom (or a stay at home wife) is not boiled down to the amount of hours spent on doing a task. The level of emotional labor involved, the list carrying, is a 24/7 job. Unpaid, as this husband pointed out. So perhaps he might want to reconsider how little he values her work. And maybe even kick in with the chores every now and again.