You’d like to think that you give
thoughtful and purposeful presents. You try to imagine what someone would want or need, and then take the time to search for an item that will utterly delight them upon unwrapping said gift. Well, that’s not the case when you’re doing a Dirty Santa, (no, not that kind), where silly presents are exchanged at office parties, friends’ homes, and the like. If you’re searching for quirky white elephant gifts, these are the ones that are going to get stolen sometime during the soiree.
The goal of a white elephant exchange is not give a meaningful gift, or something you’d want to receive yourself. Oh, no. You’re going for guffaws and shock value with these gag gifts under $10, which are sometimes slightly inappropriate, always silly, and nothing that anyone would ever buy for themselves in a million years.
Here’s how it works: usually a group of friends, family members, or coworkers will set a date for the exchange, along with a predetermined price value for the gifts (so that no one spends above $10, for example). Then, all the presents are wrapped and placed in pile on a table. Players draw a number, and the first person gets to pick a gift. If they don’t like what they’ve unwrapped (but really, how could you not love a singing salami?), you have the choice to steal a present from another player. But since swapping can go on ad nauseum, gifts can only be stolen once. And that’s when you get to go home with a mega size bottle of anti-diarrhea medication.
If you want to have a hilarious time during the holidays, get ready to laugh with these white elephant gifts that will have everyone giggling — and groaning.
We only include products that have been independently selected by Romper's editorial team. However, we may receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article. 1 A Sh*tty Candle
Channel your inner Cousin Eddie with this
hilarious candle from Etsy seller 904HomeGrown. Based on the hilarious scene in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, all you’ll see when you light this up is Eddie in his used-to-be-white bathrobe, emptying the septic tank from his RV into the sewer drain, and saying that awesome line, “Merry Christmas! Sh*tter’s Full!” With so much talk of poop, you’re probably wondering how the candle smells. Well, you’ll be happy to know that the candle isn’t crappy-smelling at all; in fact, you can choose from scents like Sweet Pumpkin Cream, Cinnamon Spice, Chai Latte, or Fall Harvest. 2 A Coloring Book That’ll Give You The Creeps
Adult coloring books are an awesome way to find relaxation and respite. Usually, they have pretty pictures of flowers and farm animals. But, if you’re looking for something more macabre, then this
Edgar Allan Poe coloring book by Odessa Begay is it. In addition to images from some of Poe’s famous works like “The Pit and the Pendulum,” “The Tell-Tale Heart,” and “The Raven,” there is also a short excerpt from each work that will put you in the mood to color. Be prepared to use a lot of black and blood-red crayons as you color your way to calm. You just might find yourself saying, “Nevermore.” 3 A Screaming Goat
There are a lot of insane viral videos out there, but the one of the screaming goats is kind of at the top of craziness. So of course someone created a
Screaming Goat Book & Figure. The miniature goat stands on a tree stump base, and measures just three inches high. But don’t let its diminutive size fool you. When you press down on the goat, he lets out a high-pitched scream. And when that gets boring (as if), you can always read the mini book that accompanies the goat, which is a 32-page illustrated book of fun facts about goats… and why they scream like humans. 4 Scrap Snack Bar
You know all those extra bits of food that stay on your plate after you’ve finished your meal? Well, instead of scraping them into the garbage, you can recycle them — right back into your tummy. The
Scrap ‘n Snacks Compost Bar Press is basically like a mini waffle maker that allows you to take your leftovers and make them into a snack-sized bar… NOT. It’s actually just a gag box that you can put your REAL gift in. But wouldn’t it be fun if that were a real thing? The tip off that it’s a gag box should be the, you know, gag-worthy photo of what looks like garbage getting turned into a toasty snack. 5 Mini Boxing To Channel Your Inner Rocky Balboa
People are just annoying. But punching them out is often frowned upon, so what’s pent-up frustration to do? Well, this adorable
desktop boxing set might be a total knockout (ha) at your white elephant gift exchange. The set comes with two tiny boxing gloves that fit on your index fingers, and not (womp womp), your clenched fist. The mini desktop punching bag has a suction cup base so it won’t go flying when you flick it with your fingers. The insanity of it all is sure to make you laugh, and perhaps temporarily forget who you were mad at and why. If you’re not a heavyweight fighter, the included mini book can teach you some new techniques. 6 A Gummy Bear That’s Not Kid’s Candy
Can we just say that gummy bears are some of the best candy out there? They’re part toy (because hello, squishing them before biting their heads off is just half the fun), and all gummy, yummy goodness. But you might want to think twice before
nibbling on this gummy bear, because he’s totally hot, and not in a good way. The gummy bear, whose name is Lil’ Nitro, is the equivalent of 900 jalapeño peppers. It’s a fun gift for those who like a little spice in their life, or think that they can’t be taken down by a gummy bear. But when the recipient is gasping for air and water later, you can always say that the packaging (with its flames and fire extinguisher) should have been a major warning. 7 Soap That Sends A Galactically-Sized Message
Sure, it just might seem like a bar of soap, but this tiny soap is representing a pretty big planet. Yes, the
Uranus soap from Off the Wagon only measures 2 ounces, so it’s probably not going to last more than a few showers, but it packs a big punch. Of course, the Uranus soap is a play on, you know, your own anus, which you can suds up easily. Just make sure that if you use Uranus soap on your bum that you don’t then go back to front and wash your vaj, too, since you can introduce bacteria from your butt into your coochie. 8 Floss That Tastes Like Cured Meat
Flossing might not be fun for you, but it’s an important part of your overall dental hygiene. But if you want some more monumental than mint-flavored floss, just look to your favorite breakfast meat — bacon. Incredible as it might seem, yes Virginia, there really is
bacon-flavored dental floss. There are 27.3 yards of flavored floss, and every bit of it tastes like bacon that you made for your morning meal. One Amazon reviewer said that it is “great for a novelty gift”, but it might not be something that you want to wedge between your teeth every day. At least, that is, until they make scrambled egg flavored mouth wash, that is. 9 Complaints From Coworkers On An iPad
Coworkers are known for being quirky. One is always cold, one is always hungry, and one always is ready to clock out for the day — even at 9:15 a.m. To let your coworker know that you can’t stand when they crack open a can of tuna (and eat it at their desk), you can add this
Office Citation notepad to the white elephant gift exchange. It gives pretty much every annoying thing employees can do to each other (i.e. aggressively typing, gum smacking, or hitting that annoying reply-all on emails for things that are not necessary for everyone to read). 10 A Total Tropical Fruit High Candle
Sure, you can get drunk off of daiquiris, but what about watermelon? This
Watermelon Wasted bath salts will be the gift that gets stolen during the white elephant exchange for sure. From Etsy seller MilknHoneyCandleCo, the bath salts can make soaking in your tub feel like a much-needed vacay. The 7 oz. bath salts aren’t meant to be used every day, though, according to the instructions.
To avoid potential staining post-soak, you should definitely clean your tub after using the bath salts…which kind of kills the whole relaxation vibe.
11 A Cool Gift Bag…With Nothing Inside It
Doesn’t it feel like everyone is so quick to tear into a present that they don’t pay attention to the pretty wrapping around it? Well, the joke’s on them with these lovely African American gift bags from Etsy seller HolyMotherOfMonkeys. The bags measure 8 x 10, which is a pretty good size to fill with a merry gift…or nothing at all. This black-owned business makes holiday gift bags that feature Black families, either by the tree, singing Christmas carols, or slaying it in front of a sleigh full of gifts. But with bags this pretty, who needs a present inside?
12 A Light To Lead You To The Toilet
There’s nothing worse than having to wake up in the middle of the night to pee and then seeing the blinding lights of your bathroom. The alternative is to try to locate the loo without turning the lights on, so either way, you’re probably going to miss. But now you can take aim more efficiently with a toilet night light. The
LED motion activated night light (which runs on three AAA batteries), will turn on automatically as you get near the toilet and turn off when you’re done tinkling. Plus, it comes in rainbow of colors, from red and green, to baby blue and pink, or you can just let the toilet choose the color for you (not really). Peeing has never been so pretty. 13 Twister For Your Fingers
Back in the day, you were a Twister champion. Right foot red, left foot green? No problem! But now, you’re not as limber as you used to be, and all it takes is for left hand blue for you to pull something serious. Well, all you’ll need to stretch are your fingers for the
World’s Smallest Twister game. Meant for your fingers (and not your feet), you can play with this game without worrying about pulling a groin muscle. It’s a fun way to be flirty with your fingers (in a totally G-rated way), and hey, who doesn’t like putting tiny tube socks on them? 14 An Eyemask That Lets You Charge
Work. Kids. Partner. It’s all so exhausting. Is it no wonder, then, that by the end of the day, you just want to throw a toddler-sized tantrum, too? Let everyone know that you mean business when you put this
sleep mask on. It’s made from a breathable fabric but it’s also light enough that to feel comfortable. It also works by blocking out the light, so if your partner flicks on the switch looking for something, you will be none the wiser. It’s also adjustable, so you won’t have to worry about it slipping off your face before you’re ready to rise the next morning. Hopefully you’ll wake up feeling fully recharged.