Life
Pregnancy and labor provides you with numerous opportunities to feel embarrassed. You pretty much have to shrug it off and bury your ego in order to get through the 40 (more or less) weeks of baby-growing. There are things that every woman stresses about leading up to the "big day," and there are things that will probably happen during childbirth that'll make you blush in hindsight. Things will get weird, sure, but most of those awkward moments during labor and delivery are seriously no big deal.
I had so many worries going into childbirth, that I thought I'd never get through the process of labor and delivery with my dignity intact. More often than not, moms are willing (and even eager) to share their most embarrassing, humiliating, mortifying labor stories, leaving moms-to-be stressed and obsessing over the smallest of details. "Will I poop?" and, "I hope I'm not too loud" and, "What if everyone on the hall hears me?" are just a few of the many questions clouding a pregnant woman's brain.
However, it's so important to remember that all of the awkward, semi-embarrassing labor and delivery stuff happens all the time at hospitals and birth centers and in people's homes. Your birth team, however large or small, is 100 percent used to women pooping and farting and cussing while bringing a human being into the world. Nobody is judging you. In fact, nobody even cares (and usually you won't either). I promise. So, in the name of solidarity and because there's really no reason to stress the inevitable, I've compiled a handy-dandy little list of those awkward moments that happen during labor and delivery that really aren't a big deal. Don't sweat the small stuff, mamas.
The Dreaded Poop
This is probably every mom-to-be's biggest worry (after the health of their baby, of course). Pooping during labor and delivery doesn't happen to everyone, but it happens a lot. You probably won't even know it happened, so don't stress. I can guarantee you that if you poop during childbirth, you won't be the only woman who has dropped a deuce in the delivery room that day.
Those Noises That Sound Like Sex Noises
At one point during my labor, I realized that the sounds I was making were, um, provocative. Between contractions I was mortified, but during and while I was actually making those noises, I didn't care in the slightest. Those were just the noises that came out, and I was down to do whatever it took to make the pain at least somewhat bearable.
When You're Loud AF
I had a sore throat the day after my son was born because I was so loud. I guarantee you, you won't be loudest person your birth team has heard, and you probably won't be the only one to drop a curse word (or seven) either.
When You Cuss Out Your Partner
I told my husband to STFU more than once when I was in the throes of labor. Like, a lot more than once. In fact, I'm pretty positive I said it every time he opened his mouth. I apologized the next day, but in the moment I was wholly sincere in my desire for him to shut it.
When You Beg To Be Delivered From Your Torment
"Please, God, make it stop!" and, "Please get it out!" and, "Please give me a c-section and get it over!" were just a few of the "requests" I made (read: screamed) when I was delivering my child.
In hindsight I'm embarrassed, but the doctor and nurses said it was no big deal and that they'd heard it all before. At least I screamed please, right?
When You Puke
Hormones + Pain = Vomit
It's normal, you're not a gross freak of nature, and no one cares.
When You Stray From Your Birth Plan
When you're adamant about wanting an unmedicated birth, but around the time you hit transition you beg to have your uterus cut open and the baby removed so the pain stops. Sure, that pivot can be somewhat awkward, but eating crow doesn't seem like a big deal when you're in that much pain.
When You Cry
As if pregnancy didn't make you cry on a regular basis, you will definitely cry during labor. Hormones are relentless, you guys.
When You Fart
This happens. You can't control it and you can't stop it and it's very likely that you'll have a few people standing right in the line of fire, too. Whoops.
When You Completely Zone Out
If you go the unmedicated route, at some point in your labor you will go completely inside your head (this can also happen if you've labored without medication, prior to choosing an epidural). You will not be aware of anything except your agony. Don't feel awkward for essentially ignoring everyone around you. Just do what you gotta do, mama.
