Fish swim. Waves break upon the shore. Toddlers have meltdowns. These are the unalterable laws of nature, etched into the very fabric of the universe. As children grow, they see how far they can test the boundaries of their existence, examining how much power they hold in their tiny fists, and how many decibels they can reach with their tiny voices. With patience and parenting these meltdowns will eventually subside. In the meantime, these 10 hilarious Instagram captions for when your toddler is having a meltdown will at least earn you some appropriately amused emoji reactions.
But first, some good news for those of you who feel alone with your screaming child: As the Child Mind Institute (CMI) explained, tantrums are the most common childhood emotional issue that parents seek help with. The CMI says that tantrums are caused by overwhelming emotions, such as anger or anxiety, that override the child's logical brain. There are many suggested ways of dealing with tantrums, such as understanding and controlling the environmental factors that trigger tantrums. But sometimes you have to talk a step back and catch your breath, which is easier said than done. Taking a look at the lighter side of your child's Hulk-out moments with these Instagram captions will definitely help.
1. We’ve got a 6.0 on the Bicker Scale.
Can the sheer force of your toddler’s tantrum shift the tectonic plates of the earth? Will their whines about wanting to watch more Paw Patrol cause the San Andreas fault line to finally crumble? Probably not, although it may all depend on how great that Paw Patrol episode is.
2. I’ve discovered a new form of renewable energy: toddler rage.
If only we could harness the Newtonian force of a toddler meltdown, we could probably power the entire earth for days. Unfortunately that energy seems to be wasted on grocery store trips and bedtime.
3. Metallica has a new lead singer.
Who knows, maybe your riotous toddler is honing their musical aspirations to one day be the lead singer of a metal band. Hopefully, those talent scouts will catch you next time your toddler’s showing off their powerful pipes in public.
4. “The increase of disorder or entropy is what distinguishes the past from the future, giving a direction to time.” Stephen Hawking, 'A Brief History of Time.'
Perhaps you can find solace in knowing that your child’s tantrums are a defining characteristic of the nature of time. Or maybe earplugs would be more comforting. Either way, at least your toddler is carrying on the eons-old tradition of entropy.
5. In space, no one can hear you scream. Hey, let’s go to space!
That mother alien in the movie Alien sure has a lot of fussy, acid-spitting babies to deal with. But at least she had that sweet, sweet, vacuum of silence! Although, tears and snot that can melt through metal sounds like a handful.
6. Clean up in aisle “my life”
Uh oh, someone spilled some tears and snot. Unfortunately, this one is outside of a janitor’s purview. And there's no mop that's really equipped to deal with emotional spills.
7. I think she only heard the “loud” part of “that’s not allowed.”
Toddlers aren’t known to enjoy rules. Unfortunately, this means that in the course of turning into a functional member of society, there might be a bit of backlash. And that backlash may exceed 200 decibels and break the sound barrier (or at least your concentration).
8. He wants to speak to my manager.
Well, now you’ve done it. He’s going to speak to the manager of parents, and bring his complaints all the way up the chain of command until he gets a real answer as to why “cookies aren’t breakfast.” You'll be sorry you ever tangled with this tough customer.
9. We have caucused regarding the matter of bedtime, and have come to a 2-1 decision, with 1 dissenting.
Sadly, parenting isn’t really a democracy. If it were, bedtime would likely be abolished and be replaced with “chocolate-milk-dance-party-time," and all beds would be actual race cars. Hey wait, this is sounding pretty sweet, maybe we should bring it to a vote.
10. Can a meteorologist explain how toddler tears can evaporate so quickly in the presence of an object known as “blankie?”
The mysterious and fleeting “toddler storm” is something of a meteorological mystery, a phenomena that has often been recorded but is still not completely understood by science.
11. Hulk Smash!
If only Bruce Banner could give your toddler some tips on how to deal with monstrous rage. At least your kid doesn't rip their pants every time they have a meltdown.
12. Alexa, Play 'Despacito'
Is your child upset that they don't get to have gummy bear waffles for lunch? Well, sometimes tragedy requires a good soundtrack.
13. Let The Toddlers Hit The Floor, Let The Toddlers Hit The FLOOOOOOOOO...
Maybe your toddler's just trying to provide accompaniment to Drowning Pool's signature song and ubiquitous YouTube soundtrack, "Bodies."
14. Someday He'll Star In The Soap Opera, 'All My Power Rangers.'
There's nothing wrong with seeing the inherent acting talent present in a particularly dramatic tantrum. Who knows, maybe this will be part of his reel someday.
15) *David Attenborough Voice* Here We Have The Red-Nosed North American Fussy Bottom And Her Signature Call, "Noooooo!"
Nature is a thing of beauty. Oh, what's that? A rare sighting? The majestic call of a toddler who has just learned she can't have a life-sized Elsa ice palace!