Not sure about you guys, but I’m really glad to live in the digital age. I love me some online shopping, social media, and access to countless moms groups and platforms where we can all discuss the many ways we mess up at this whole motherhood thing. And when it comes to breastfeeding, (thanks to what I’ve seen online) I know there are so many mistakes that breastfeeding moms make. I’m not talking about the major challenges that can strike down even the most eager or savvy breastfeeding mom (like the medical or personal or logistical ones). I’m talking about the face palm-worthy ones that most of us recognize as somewhat hilarious and clearly of our own doing.
Breastfeeding is a complex dance, but if you’ve ever tried to dance with someone who doesn’t have complete control of their limbs, then you know just how tricky it can be. Add the fact that breastfeeding happens multiple times a day, for days or weeks or months or even years on end, and there’s plenty of room for flubs and fantastic failures. So, take a seat fellow parents (although, make sure you’re not sitting on a pacifier or a blankie or your breast pump) and enjoy the wonder that is these ten breastfeeding fails. Hey, at least we know we're not alone and definitely deserve to cut ourselves some slack, right?
You Drop Your Phone On Your Baby
I'm not proud, for the record, but the number of times I've dropped my phone on my unsuspecting, nursing child's noggin is pretty hilarious. I mean, in the moment I'm burdened with the silly worry that I've seriously injured and forever altered my kid. Then again, I've seen him hit his head on all the things, so I think we're good.
You Leave Your Nursing Pillow Somewhere
Ugh, I'm so glad my son eventually outgrew his need for the nursing pillow. But until he did? Every two to three hours resembled this scene from Wet Hot American Summer.
You Wear An Ill-Fitting Bra And Get A Plugged Duct
Sometimes plugged ducts just happen, and they're no one's fault. But for me? Well, sometimes they're definitely my fault.
You Forget Which Side You Last Nursed On
Like most other aspects of parenthood that require diligent record-keeping, I realized there's an app for that. However, using an app to track my breastfeeding also requires me keeping track of my phone, and we've already established that I'm not great at keeping track of things.
You Spill Milk
For, like, six months, I could not take even the slightest reference to not crying over spilled milk. Because while it sounds trite to say, "the struggle is real," the truth remains that when it comes to nursing, pumping, and bottling without losing a drop? The struggle is so freaking real I can hardly stand it.
You Let Saved Breast Milk Expire
I still have nightmares about pouring it down the sink. If only we could go back in time and hug our former selves, who spent desperate minutes attached to the breast pump, and apologize for time wasted.
You Accidentally Reveal A Boob When You Don't Want To
I mean, it's bound to happen. In order for your kid to gain access to the food that sustains them, you have to expose yourself. For some women, this is no biggie because hey, boobs are boos and they feed children and, honestly, what is there to be embarrassed about? But, for others, this can be so embarrassing and it really is awkward and you kind of want to crawl into a hole.
You Forget To Wash Your Pump Until You Need It
There are no words for the inner fire that would burn inside me when I realized I'd left my pump parts out by the sink.
You Realize That There Should Be Something In Between Your Baby And The Pillow
I learned this the hard way, by breastfeeding my kid as the contents of one very full diaper leaked all over me and the nursing pillow. It's gross, I know, but please learn from my mistakes and keep a blanket or an extra burp cloth handy.
You Shift And Lose The Latch You Spent Forever Perfecting
Breathe. Just breathe. It'll be okay. You got your baby to latch once, you can get it to happen again. It'll be okay. And, if you struggle, just take a moment and look at some happy koala gifs on your phone. Just, you know, be careful not to drop your phone on your baby.