When I was a working actor, I spent a lot of time fending off questions about my career. It became extremely tiresome after a while. Now, as a writer, things haven't improved much. Questions like "But what do you really do?" and "So you're poor?" are abundant. Astrologers apparently suffer many of the same questions, on top of some of the ridiculous inquiries they get about people's futures. I completely empathize with these questions astrologers hate being asked, and honestly, some of them are downright hilarious.
First things first. There is a difference between astrologists and psychics. Astrologists are there, ostensibly, to examine what's happening in the planetary alignment and interpret what that means. Psychics, on the other palm, are purportedly divining some future knowledge from an inherent gift or their ability to talk to the "other side," according to Cosmopolitan. While there are some astrologists who also claim to be psychic, and some self-proclaimed psychics who are also astrologists, that's not always the case. There are also myriad other second-sight users like palm readers, tarot card experts, and those who use runes or other forms of mysticism to read the auguries of the future. The one thing they likely all have in common is that they certainly get some strange and annoying questions pretty regularly. As tempted as you might be to ask any of the following q's, restrain yourself next time, and you just might be rewarded with a better reading.
1. "Whenever Will I Meet My Husband?"
"When am I going to meet my husband?" An astrologist who doesn't want to be named for fear of hurting her business tells Romper that this is one of her least questions to be asked. "First of all, you're assuming that I can see the future. I cannot, I can only tell you possible outcomes based on the knowledge I have of what the ancients said about our stars. Secondly, you can't 'meet your husband' unless you've had amnesia or got way too drunk in Vegas one night. You meet the man who will become your husband. But I'm a semantics snob."
2. "But What About ME Specifically?"
There's a difference between politely commenting on an astrologer's social media post and using platforms like Twitter as a way to hit up professional stargazers for free advice. As astrologer Mecca Woods (author of Astrology for Happiness and Success: From Aries to Pisces, Create the Life You Want — Based on Your Astrological Sign!) explains to Romper, it's really not cool when she's on Twitter "talking generally about a planetary movement or transit and people want to know how it will specifically affect them. The same goes with folks that email me asking me to comment on a specific problem they're having without any mention or interest of booking a reading."
Y'all. Would you ask your tailor to sew up the pants you busted at Thanksgiving for free? No, you would not. Astrologers provide a service. A paid service. There might be pro-bono star chart readers out there, but it's not a great business model. Says Mecca, "I know people are genuinely curious and don't necessarily mean any harm when they ask, but I pack so much free information into my horoscopes, articles, and newsletters that it becomes a bit off-putting when people ask for more free info."
Plus, would you rather have an amuse bouche or a full meal? One answered question is like a tiny appetizer compared to a full reading.
3. "When Should I Play Lotto?"
Everyone would love to know when to play the lotto, not least of which is your astrologer. Pam Younghans of North Point Astrology says this is one of those questions that just get old, and it's easy to understand why. Do you think if your astrologer knew when someone should play the lotto that they'd still be working as an astrologer, or do you think they'd be living on the beach in St. Maarten drinking fruity booze with friends?
Definitely the umbrella drinks.
Astrologists aren't in the business of exact sciences. It's a guidance profession.
4. "I've already scheduled the date for my wedding/surgery/trip. I can't change my plans, so please tell me it's a good time to do this!"
It should be obvious why this one is a bad idea. So bad, in fact, that no one would dare to ask. But Younghans says it's a thing... and, well, of course it is.
If a big event is already booked, what's the purpose of asking. Are you going to change the date? Are you going to push off your surgery? Are you going to transplant guilt onto your astrologist?
5. "Can you do a reading and only tell me what I want to hear?"
This isn't so much a question as a directive, and one which Younghans doesn't care to get. If you go for a reading, prepare for the truth as the astrologist sees it. Sugarcoating doesn't help anyone.
6. "Can you tell me if my partner is cheating on me?"
This one is a hard one. It's easy to see how there's really no good answer. Heads you lose. Tails you lose, if you're the astrologist. No wonder Younghans (and no doubt countless other astrologists) don't love this question.
It also has to do with the difference between astrologists and psychics, again.
7. “Ok, what am I thinking right now?”
Helene Cierzo of Heart House Astrology tells Romper this is what she gets asked when someone finds out she is an astrologer. I get that people have doubts about astrology, but this snarky question feels like when meat eaters ask vegans "But what about bacon?" It's tired and rude.
8. “Are you going to tell me when I’m going to die?”
Ciezro says this one comes up frequently when she's giving public readings. "I don’t necessarily hate this question," she tells Romper, "but it is just another question that culturally needs to be cleared up. No astrologer should ever tell you when you are going to die. That, my friends, is just bad ethics."
9. “Oh, you're an astrologer? Then what sign am I?”
You look like your star sign is... a jerk? That would be my response as an astrologer. But Ciezro says people ask her this question all the time when she's introduced as an astrologer, continuing, "As if I’m expected to prove my ability to speak the language of the stars by first glancing at someone. Um no!"
10. "Is that like, your real job?"
No, those business cards, storefront, website, Twitter account, and viral Insta posts are all a ruse. That "astrologer" is really a phlebotomist! An astrologer who wishes to remain anonymous says that this is the most frequently asked question on dates, at conventions, and basically anywhere. Kind of a crappy thing to ask someone.
This first-time mom wants to have a home birth, but is she ready? Watch how a doula supports a military mom who's determined to have a home birth in Episode One of Romper's Doula Diaries, Season Two, below. Visit Bustle Digital Group's YouTube page for the next three episodes, launching every Monday starting November 26.