The moment your child stops viewing you as absolutely perfect, is a hard moment for any parent to experience. Our kids are born loving us unconditionally, and I think most of us end up taking that time period of unconditional love for granted, to a certain extent. When your kid says they hate you (which happens to pretty much every parent, at some point), everything changes and getting used to those changes can be difficult.
I don't know many moms who don't have trouble with mom guilt, basically from the time they become pregnant. There are a million opportunities for us to feel guilty, but I'm pretty sure the moment when your kid says something to try and purposefully hurt you is the ultimate low point for the majority of us. It makes you question your choices, as a parent, and leaves you wondering if you're good enough.
The only real comfort I can offer, as a mom who has gone through this herself, is that you aren't alone in this experience. Solidarity, fellow moms. What I always tell my daughter, when she hits me with one of her "I hate you" comments, is that it's not her job to like me. However, it's my job to love her, and I will continue to do so, whether she hates me or loves me. Knowing that I love her, no matter what she does or says, is the best I can hope for, especially in those moments. So, with all that in mind and in the name of solidarity, here are 10 things every new mom thinks when her kid says "I hate you" for the first time. No matter what your kid says, you're doing a great job.
Clearly, my kid said these horrible words because I deserve to hear them. I am a sh*tty mom. I never should have had kids.
What mom doesn't hate herself a little bit after hearing that her kid hates her? I remember thinking that I had probably ruined my kid forever, to have her say she hated me when she was so young.
Why a stiff drink? Because the reality is that this is just the beginning of the "I hate you" period, and alcohol (in limited quantities, of course) is a great coping mechanism.
If you're thinking this, then you're currently experiencing the hubris of early parenthood. It will get far, far worse, my friends. Trust me.
It can be so easy to go down the path of self-loathing and I admit, I've been there. Mom guilt exists to hear "I hate you," at some point.
Chances are, the reason your kid is saying they hate you is completely unwarranted. If you're self-aware enough to realize this, then you might be hating your kid a little bit at the moment, as well. It's completely normal to hate your kid every now and then, even though you love them always, so don't think you're a bad mom for feeling some resentment.
It can feel like an uphill battle, once they move from the constant adoration and believing mom is perfect, to realizing they can hurt your feelings. The "I hate you" moment opens a door that will never close again, unfortunately.
You could be feeling utter disbelief that your kid is saying something so mean to you at such a young age. I admit that what I felt was resignation, in fact. I was aware that this was something my daughter might say fairly early (not because I'm a terrible mom, but because she would act like every teenager and/or kid acts) but it was surprising when it happens so soon.
If you're feeling clear-headed and are able to talk yourself through this moment, lucky you. Telling yourself the truth, that they really don't hate you, no matter what they say, is what will prevent you from reacting negatively.
I seriously wish this were true. Unfortunately, it's not. In fact, I was wondering if my daughter learned to say it from Finding Nemo, but I'll never know for sure. Regardless, the very fact that Nemo says the same thing, when he's clearly not a teenager, is indication enough that kids say it when they're younger than teens. Pixar knows everything, you guys.