I am so tired of the mommy wars. They start the moment you have a positive pregnancy test and continue into perpetuity. Everyone seems to have an option about, well, everything pertaining to pregnancy, child birth, and parenting, and as a pregnant woman I am so done. It's none of your damn business what I do with my body or how I decide to birth, feed, or parent my children. So, lately I have a more than a few things you can say to people who shame you for having a medicated birth, tucked in my handy mind-your-own-business arsenal and open for all soon-to-be moms or moms to use.
I used to be a proponent of "natural child birth," before, of course, I had babies. It turns out, my threshold for experiencing excruciating back labor was about 18 sleepless hours until my "natural," medication-free birth plan made a loud sound as it hit the bottom of the nearest trash can. My epidural was amazing and just what I needed to get some rest and for my labor to progress. Plus, when it was time to push, I was so ready.
Then, with my son, I had to be induced at 37 weeks due to preeclampsia. I lasted about 14 hours before I begged for medication. I may have proposed to the anesthesiologist, which was awkward because my husband was there and she was not into women. The on-call midwife questioned my decision repeatedly and shamed me, claiming that my labor would stall. I showed her she was wrong when I pushed my son out (in one push) just a couple of hours later.
I will tell you a secret: My births were still badass with epidurals. They brought me the relief and the strength I needed for my body to do some pretty freaking amazing things. And both times, I got a baby in the end. No one, I repeat, no one, gets a trophy if they skip out on pain medication; not for dental work, not for surgery, not for headaches, and not for birth. If men birthed babies, I think they would probably offer epidurals at 20 weeks. When I give birth next month, I plan to get an epidural as soon as humanly possible.