Ever since I became a mom, almost two years ago, I've realized how strange motherhood is. Like, it's weird, you guys. From the weird things moms do when they potty train to the weird things mom do when they're breast pumping to everything in between, motherhood is filled with situations that, unless you're a mom, can seem odd. The same can definitely be said for those days when moms get sick, and there are weird things every mom does when she's sick that are born out of necessity and perseverance and, well, they're freakin' strange.
I remember the good old days, when being sick meant that I was able to stay in bed and watch a bunch of movies and sleep and eat soup and drink fluids and take care of myself, and only myself. Yeah, that's not a thing anymore. Now, when I'm sick, I'm still running around and doing chores and feeding my kid and making sure he's having "fun" and doing everything that I would essentially be doing if I was healthy. Even if I call into work and take a "sick day," I'm cooking and cleaning and taking care of another human being. So, yeah, there are no more "sick days." They don't exist. They're a thing of the past. Ugh, that sucks.
It's also kind of weird, as I have established a ritual that can help me navigate "normal" days when I'm on my deathbed (let me indulge) and dying (I'm not, really, but it feels like it) and sick as a freakin' dog (I've never understood that phrase). It's a strange ritual, but it's necessary, and I am convinced that most mothers act the same way when they're sick. So, with that in mind, here are the weird things moms do when they're under the weather, because misery loves company.
Doesn't Act Sick At All...
Oh, how sweet were the days when you could milk an illness for all it's worth, right? I remember being in high school and acting like I was dying, because, hey, a day off from school to lay around and watch crappy daytime television is the dream. Yeah, that doesn't happen anymore. I can be sick, but I sure can't act sick. There's too much to do.
...Because Who Has Time To Be Sick?
When you're responsible for another human being, you can't take a day off. There are no "sick days" when you're a parent. Even if you're a working mom and you call out from work, you're still home making meals and cleaning and playing and putting someone down for a nap that isn't you (that's just cruel) and accomplishing all it is you have to accomplish on any given day.
Make Everyone Take All The Vitamins
Alright, I'll admit, it's probably a little weird that any time I get sick, I insist that anyone and everyone in my home take all the vitamins they can possibly (safely) take. This is probably something I should have been advocating, you know, prior to getting sick. In fact, it's probably too late. Then again, it can't hurt, right? Whatever, just take the damn vitamins.
Cleans Every Surface A Kid May Or May Not Touch
The only thing worse than being sick when you're a mom, is having your kid sick when you're sick. That's the seventh circle of hell, my friends. I swear it. The worst punishment in the world is being asked to take care of a sick kid when you're sick yourself. So, to combat the probability that my child will get whatever it is that I have, I go into hyper-cleaning mode and clean every single solitary surface of my home. It's like spring cleaning, but on speed. I shouldn't be doing so much cleaning and physical activity (and I'm probably leaving my sick germs on every newly-cleaned surface) when I'm on my proverbial death bed, but it's a necessity. Ugh.
The one thing you're told to do when you're sick, is the one thing mothers usually don't get the opportunity to do. What is this nonsense?!
...Or Change Anything, Really, About Her Schedule
You would think that high fevers and chills and possible nausea and/or vomiting and an overall feeling of absolute garbage, would change one's schedule a bit. Nope. Not mothers. It's pretty weird that moms still do absolutely everything they would do when they're healthy, when they're sick.
Waits Until The Absolute Last Minute To Go To The Doctor
The played-out trope is that "men don't go to doctors" unless they're bleeding profusely or dying or whatever. Yeah, I don't think so. Most women bleed for a week, every month, and they don't go to a doctor. Most mothers who get sick, don't go to a doctor unless absolutely necessary, because taking your kid to the waiting room of a physician when you feel like death is the absolute worst.
Tries Any And All Home Remedies
In order to avoid the doctor's office at all cost, I will try anything and everything I can to make myself better, on my own. I mean, I'm no physician and when push comes to shove I'm making an appointment, but until then, give me all the home remedy ideas you can think of. I'll try your teas and your smoothies and your soups and whatever else you've got.
Convinces Herself That The Shower Has Super Secret Healing Powers
Guys, it does. The shower heals all. You can stand in there and breath in the steam and wash the sick right off of you. No, this isn't proven by science and yes, it's probably not completely accurate, but a good, long shower (if you can swing one) will save you.
Blames The Kids, Because Duh
They're walking germs. This is all their fault. They're lucky they're cute. Now, pass me my vitamins and that herbal tea and let me take a shower in about 5 minutes.