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These Celeb Dad Quotes Are So Funny It Hurts

by Jacqueline Burt Cote

Everybody knows that kids say the darnedest things, but dads definitely let some hilarious gems slip from time to time, too — and certain celeb dads are notorious for their irreverent humor when it comes to raising a family. Not that it isn't great to hear warm and fuzzy sentiments from our favorite famous fathers, too, but there's something about a "tell it like it is" kinda guy that fans with kids of their own can really appreciate. So with Father's Day right around the corner, why not remember some of the most hilarious celeb dad quotes in recent history?

From honest accounts of embarrassing moments to good-natured complaints about everything from quirky toddler behavior to unpredictable teenagers, these celeb dads don't hold back. And why should they? Gone are the days when parents had to pretend that parenthood was a walk in the park: All perfectly coiffed children and moms wearing pearls while they cheerfully vacuumed the house and dads who showed up after work with a grin and endless reserves of energy for tossing a ball back and forth in the backyard. Now, dads (and moms) have permission to come out and talk about how ridiculously tough parenting can be... not to mention just plain ridiculous.

A happy, happy Father's Day to all these straight-shooting star dads!


George Clooney

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When George Clooney and his wife Amal welcomed twins Ella and Alexander Clooney on June 6, 2017, a statement from the actor quoted in People proved the wisecracking celeb still had his sense of humor intact: "Ella, Alexander, and Amal are all healthy, happy, and doing fine," the statement read. "George is sedated and should recover in a few days."


Ryan Gosling

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Every parent can relate to Ryan Gosling's confession on Jimmy Kimmel Live! about the perils of having small children who hijack the TV at all times (even when Daddy really wants to watch the NBA finals).

"Well, I knew I was going to be on the show so I was excited to watch the games," Gosling said, as Us Weekly reported. "But I have a 2-year-old and a 3-and-a-half-year-old, so, let's be honest, I'm not watching anything that doesn't have a talking tiger in it."


Ryan Reynolds

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Father-of-two Ryan Reynolds is more or less the reigning king of hilarious dad quotes, as his Twitter feed proves. One of his funniest recent tweets: “If my daughter proves she can take care of the Fire Ants I got her, we’ll get her the damn kitten.”


Hugh Grant

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The always charming Hugh Grant downplayed the miracle of fatherhood with a dose of his typical self-deprecating humor during an appearance on Ellen:

“It’s surprising that everyone was right all these years saying ‘Hugh, why don’t you have some children you know it really changes your life’ and you’re thinking oh, shut up. And now that I have, I have to say it is quite life changing. I recommend it.”


Marlon Wayans

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Also during an appearance on Ellen, Marlon Wayons shared a super relatable anecdote about how promising your kids rewards can backfire:

“I do incentive programs, like with my son he wasn’t doing as good in school, he wanted to get his grades up, so I told him if he gets all A’s I’ll buy him all the sneakers he wants, whatever sneakers he wants. Now, I had no idea how expensive his sneaker taste was... he went and got all A’s and it was like 25 pairs of sneakers I’m just like, can you go back to being dumb? Because this is really expensive.”


Andy Samberg

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While chatting on Jimmy Kimmel Live! about his life as a new dad, Andy Samberg spilled the beans about what welcoming a new baby is really like. “When your wife is pregnant and you’re expecting, everyone’s like, ‘It’s incredible. Get ready. It’s magic. It’s the most life-changing experience you’ll ever have. Brace yourself for heaven,’ ” Samberg said. “Then the second the baby comes, everyone’s like, ‘Welcome to hell! Ha ha ha! You fool! You’re in a world of sh*t! Now you’re in it!’”

“I feel like I’m gonna get kicked out for telling everyone without kids — it’s really hard. I’d look out," he added. Wise words.


Ashton Kutcher

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Any parent who's unwittingly passed on a preference for curse words to their toddler will laugh (cry?) at the story Ashton Kutcher shared on Late Night With Seth Meyers:

"The new dog peed on the stairwell and I’m getting ready one morning and Mila’s like ‘Oh Ricky peed on the stairwell,’ and I’m like “F*ck, Ricky!” and I'm walking and my daughter's right behind me, and all of a sudden I just hear, 'F*ck, Ricky!' I'm like, 'No, no, no! Papa didn't say that. Papa said fox! Papa said fox!'"

Been there, dude.


Pharrell Williams

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Dad-of-triplets (!!) Pharrell Williams gave a super funny (and slightly scary) glimpse into the world of raising three babies at once, as People reported: “It’s a full-on assembly line… They harmonize when they cry. When one cries, two cry, then three cry. Chain reaction is a real thing at our house.”


Tom Hardy

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Sleep deprivation is no joke, as Tom Hardy discovered.

“If anyone else [deprived you of this much sleep], you’d have them up at the Hague for war crimes,” People quoted the actor as saying. Honestly, he's not wrong.


Idris Elba

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Teens can be just as embarrassing as toddlers (if not more). As Cosmopolitan reported, Idris Elba's 14-year-old daughter got just a wee bit starstruck when he took her to the Oscars:

"She was freaking out, 'ANSEL! OHMYGOD! ANSEL'S HERE!' and I was like, 'Oh my god! Pull it in!'" the actor said.

Can you blame her, though?


Chris Hemsworth

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Awkward much? When Chris Hemsworth appeared on Ellen, he told a about an experience every parent who's raised children of different genders has most likely had in some form or another:

"My daughter's kind of envious of my boys at the moment. She came to me the other day and she's like 'You know Papa, I want one of those things that Sasha and Tristan have.' I'm like what do you mean? 'So you know the things in between their legs that you have.'"

Ah, that thing.