Anyone who claims complete obedience in their children is one of three things: lucky, a tyrant, or a liar. Kids are little "no" machines, and sometimes it feels like they run on crackers and the collective tears of questioned mothers everywhere. Why. Won't. They. Just. Listen?! Fortunately there is someone who will always know exactly what I'm going through when my children refuse to listen to a word I have to say: my mom. My mother was a stay at home parent from 1982 to 2009. She also just gets me, so I send her the very texts that every woman sends her mom when her kids say "no," when mine are unapologetically defiant to (what has to be) a pathological degree.
I have an incredibly close relationship with my mother. I know not everyone has a "Rory and Lorelai Gilmore" relationship with the maternal figure in their life, but for those of us who continue to rely on their mamas to get them through the toughest of days, I'm going to go ahead and guess that a lot of those relationships look pretty similar. (What is it Tolstoy said about happy families?) When your child is being particularly defiant, or if their obnoxious behavior is just the poop frosting on your crap-cake of a day, sometimes you just need to talk to someone who knows exactly what you're going through and can completely understand your current, undone mental state. Which is why every woman sends her mother the following 11 text messages when her kids are all about the word "no."
Ready For The Hard Truths
Because you've avoided asking this question for years. Now, as you sit staring into the darkest depths of your child's obstinate insubordination, wondering how one tiny human could be so annoying to another human being, you are ready to know if that darkness is inside of you, too. Plus, you're a pretty well-adjusted adult, so just because your kid loves questioning authority figures, doesn't mean they won't end up being a pretty fantastic adult.
Desperately Trying To Assign Blame
You know you're grasping at straws here, but you just need to explain this behavior and make sense of your current predicament. Mom (and her tendency to give your children all the sugar and all the toys) is an easy (and forgiving) target.
The Bait And Switch
Because, eventually enough is enough. Sometimes you just want these adorable little monsters out of your hair. When you attempt this play, you don't tell your mom about the frustrating attitudes that are seemingly endless. This is a cold open and, chances are, she will fall for it.
Complete Bafflement
Because what is actually going on? No, really, what is this nonsense? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
Bitter Irony
Every mom pronounces this prophecy, right? Or just about every mom? And sometimes, when things are going really poorly for her, you have to concede victory to the old girl. At least one of you can laugh right now.
Continuing The Cycle
Like I said: this prophecy is for every mom. Including you.