Sex is an amazing way to connect with someone, whether it's your longtime partner, or just a fling. Having said that, there are plenty of things that are keeping your from getting in the mood for sex. Although you should never feel forced to get it on, whether it's to please your partner or to live up to some ideal image of a sex goddess, it's a good idea to identify why you're not so into getting it on, because, well, the reasons are probably affecting other aspects of your lifestyle as well. And most likely, not in a good way.
I don't need to tell you that sex can improve your health, or that sex can boost your brain function. I do want to pause, however, to tell you that you're not alone if you're not in the mood for sex. Sandra Pertot, a professor of sexual medicine at the University of Central Lancashire, told The Guardian that women can go without sex longer than men can. Why? Tons of reasons, from biological, medical, psychological, and social. Of course that's not to say that women can't get as horny as men, but, that same article pointed out how the female libido isn't as freely discussed as the male libido. For example, from a young age, little boys often masturbate together, while that's less common practice for little girls.
So, in the spirit of opening up an honest discussion about your sex life, I want to identify all the reasons you might not feel like having sex. Who knows, once you confront these perfectly valid reasons for not being in the mood, you just might feel a little more freaky.
1. You Have Serious Stress
According to Huffington Post, the physiological form of stress can lower your libido, and psychological manifestations of stress can also kill your sex drive. Think about it — when you're stressed, you're usually irritable, overwhelmed, and grumpy. These feelings do not, understandably, make you feel in the mood for sex.
2. You Deal With Body Shamers
Whether you think you're too fat, too thin, or just not attractive enough, you're likely not going to feel like sharing your body with someone else. According to Salon, any form of shame will destroy your self-image, and your lustful appetite. The only way to get rid of body shame is to speak back to your shame, and accept yourself for who you are, noted Huffington Post.
3. You Suffer From Depression
According to the World Health Organization, 350 million people around the world suffer from depression. And as marriage and family therapist, Ashlee Eikelboom told You Beauty, one of the most pronounced symptoms of depression is a lower libido. Don't beat yourself up about this. Instead, seek treatment, and the rest will follow.
4. You Feel Fatigued
Mayo Clinic noted that one of the physical signs of low sex drive in women is fatigue. This makes sense, because when you're exhausted you want to use your bed for sleep, not another activity in your overpacked schedule.
5. Your Job
I have definitely experienced those sleepless nights when I can't stop thinking about my job, especially when I'm off the clock. If your job is messing with your sex life, it's probably stressing you out overtime (see number one). Does that mean you quit? Maybe you have to rethink your work routine and speak with co-workers or your boss.
6. Your Sex Life Has Become Routine
Essence noted that many couples in longterm relationships are not in the mood because sex has become too routine. Meanwhile singles are probably jealous of the fact that you can get laid at any time. So, remember the adage about the grass always being greener, and if that doesn't work, see a sex therapist to learn how to switch things up.
7. You're Bored With Your Partner
It happens. Not only is your sex life routine, but you feel like your longterm partner no longer excites you. Don't beat yourself up about this. If you're not into trying out a polyamorous lifestyle, which Scientific American noted might be good for you, you might have to have a hard discussion with yourself, and then your partner to get to the root of your boredom.
8. You Feel Disconnected From Your Partner
WebMD suggested a reason for low libido is that you no longer feel connected to your partner. Remember, sex is an intimate act that is all based on connection, so if it's no longer there, it's time for another one of those hard talks— first with yourself, and then with your partner.
9. You're Too Plugged In
Whether you have to stay on trend for work or pleasure, being super connected to your mobile device can zap you of, well yourself. In this day and age, being addicted to your phone is a thing. And, as Shape noted, like any other addiction, tech addiction can lead to depression and even change your brain chemistry. So, why not unplug, and see if your sex drive gets a boost.
10. You Have An Overactive Bladder
Think an overactive bladder is only common among seniors? Think again. According to Mayo Clinic, overactive bladder isn't a normal sign of aging. The pressure of having to urinate all the time will definitely make sex uncomfortable, so it's no wonder you're not in the mood. The good news? Your physician can totally help.
11. You Feel Pain During Sex
There are many reasons why sex can be painful. Some fixes, like using more lube, are easy, and others involve a trip to your OB-GYN. WebMD noted that painful intercourse is cause for concern, so do not suffer in silence. Tell your partner, and then your doctor.
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