11 Things Your Baby Is Definitely Thinking When You're Babywearing

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So, my family’s getting ready to move later this summer, and even though I haven’t used any of our baby carriers in months, I couldn’t bear to pack all of them. I mean, my son isn’t even a baby anymore, and I still just want to feel like I have the option to wear him. Though, I can’t help but wonder, what do kids think think when you babywear? Are they as happy as I am? Do they know how much I love to smell the top of their heads? Are they, too, wondering what happened to their left foot, and how it got trapped at that weird angle? The universe is so full of mysteries, I can’t even stand it.

Seriously, though, the only reason I don’t wear babies all the time is because it would be weird (and probably not well-received) to strap other people’s children to my chest. And, really, would babywearing be quite as special if it wasn’t my own kid? I have my doubts, but I hope to never actually find out, because I definitely don’t want to ever be in a scenario where baby wearing isn't wonderful.

I used to babywear my son all the time, but now that he's a bonafide toddler, our babywearing days are, for the most part, behind us. That doesn't mean I don't wax nostalgic every now and then, especially when packing, and it definitely doesn't mean I don't imagine what babywearing was like for my son. I'll never know for sure, but it wouldn't surprise me if he thought the following things:

"This Snuggling Thing Isn't So Bad"

Right? Right? I'm so glad you feel that way, because that's the main reason I like wearing you. I mean, sure, it's also convenient and I don't have to lug a stroller around and you keep me warm, you little furnace you, but have I told you lately that the top of your head smells amazing?

"Thanks For Showering, Mom," Or, "Please Shower Next Time, Mom!"

However established your mom-bathing routines post baby (no judgement here), I can imagine your kid notices. I mean, anyone who's face is that close to your skin, has to. Right?

"I'm Not Arm Candy. I'm Chest Candy."

Yes, yes you are. Thanks to you and your chubby cheeks, I'm the most popular lady at the grocery store today (and every day).

"I'm Hot"

Yeah, sorry about that. I'm pretty sure there's really no way around the exchange of body heat that occurs when you're all up on me like that.

"This Is The Ideal Way To Sleep. I'm Just Going To Sleep Right Here, So You Can't Do Anything You Actually Intended On Doing When You Put Me On. That's Not A Problem, Is It?"

No, I suppose that's not a problem. Unless, of course, you call being stuck in a forced snuggle with your adorable child a problem, which I sure as hell don't.

"But, I'm Going To Need You To Continue Walking Around Because if You Don't, I'm Going To Wake Up And Fuss In Your Face"

So, is this how other moms lose the baby weight? Endless circles around the living room with an extra twenty-something pounds strapped to you so they can keep sleeping?

"Keep Moving. Please Don't Ever Stop."

*Sigh* Don't worry, son. I won't.

"Take Me To The Top Of That Hill! Let's Go Climb Mountains! We Can Conquer The World!"

Easier said than done.

"This Is A Pretty Ambitious Way To Carry Me, Consider My Diaper Is Right Up Against You."

Trust me, I know. You think I would have learned by now, but I keep fighting the natural course of nature.

"Don't Think I Don't Notice You Trying To Go About Your Business Like Everything's Fine"

He's all, "I see you, Mom. I see you."

"Your Shirt Is Scratchy"

Everything is scratchy compared to the soft blankets you normally have. That said, hang on, I'll go get one of those blankets and figure out how to fix this.