Being pregnant is so hard, y'all. It messes with your mind, body, and emotions. Before too long, you feel like you're a hair's breadth from losing it. You forget things you've always known and you react to triggers that never bothered you before. More often than not, it's your partner who bears the brunt of your fluctuating emotions. They're an easy target for your anger and sadness and anxiety because, well, they're there. However, while there are thoughts that every pregnant woman has about her partner, there's no reason any pregnant woman should be ashamed of them. After all, you're just a human being growing another human being inside your body.
I think I was mad at my husband for one thing or another for the entirety of my pregnancy. From the time I saw that second line to the time our son was born (to at last five months postpartum, actually), I was pretty much on-edge and ready to blow. The hormones made me crazy, so I thought crazy things and I felt crazy things. I cried all the time and I raged and I threw fits. In other words, I was bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. My partner took it in stride, though. He understood that I wasn't really mad and him, and that it wasn't really my fault. When in doubt (read: always), blame pregnancy.
As I've made more mom friends, I've learned that this kind of thing is totally normal, and every woman has thoughts about her partner when she's pregnant. Some are kind, some definitely aren't, and some are just covered in an indifference that can make you question your entire relationship. Either way, they're pretty normal and there's no reason to ever feel ashamed about thinking the following:
"Would It Kill You To Rub My Feet?"
You see these sausage toes? These cankles? Yep, they hurt. They constantly ache and throb and it would make me feel very much loved if you would take the time to massage them. Yes, even if you don't want to and even if it creeps you out that they are so swollen. This is what I need right now. Please, do this for me.
"Um, How About You Help Me? Like, Now."
Look at me. I'm 8 months pregnant, the baby is compressing my lungs and my bladder simultaneously, I can't bend over, I can't lie down flat, and I can't walk without peeing myself. I could really use some damn help.
"Maybe You Could, You Know, Cook"
The bummer about pregnancy is that you're tired all the time, but you're also starving all the time. Please, please for the love of all the parenting gods, would it kill you to make me a damned sandwich? Seriously.
"You Seriously Don't Love Me"
If you did, I wouldn't have to ask you to do the laundry or rub my feet or make me a sandwich. Oh my God, I'm having a baby with someone who doesn't love me. Oh my God, he left his socks on the floor again.
Clearly my partner doesn't love me and this is wrong and OMG what have I done?
"You Are The Least Support Person Ever"
You didn't read that baby book yet? What about the links I emailed you? Did you join that dads group on Facebook? Am I going to have to raise this baby on my own?
"Are You Really Drinking In Front Of Me Right Now?"
Enjoying your beer? Oh, you're having another? Nice. I'll just be over here sipping my sparkling water.
Also, I hate you.
"You're Actively Trying To Piss Me Off, Aren't You?"
You must be. No one can be that clueless. You are doing this on purpose.
"That's It. I'm Leaving. I Can Totally Raise This Kid On My Own."
Yep. Out the door. I'm done. I can totally do this on my own. I don't need you and your socks on your two-beers-with-sushi ass anyway. I got this.
"I Know I'm Asking, But You Definitely Need To Come To The Doctor's Appointment With Me"
Yes, it's the third time this month. Yes, I know you have to request time off work. No, I definitely don't think anything important will happen at this appointment. Still, I want you to come with me because they're boring and we're in this together so just, you know, come.
"Don't Even Bother Coming To The Birth"
You know what? Don't even come. Don't bother. Go drink your beer and eat your sushi and leave your socks on the floor and I'll just go give birth all by myself. Ugh.
"I'm So Sorry And Thank You And Did I Mention I'm Sorry?"
No, but really. These ridiculous and probably completely unfair thoughts I've been having (and sometimes articulating) are not indicitive of how much I love you, or how much I appreciate you. You're being supportive and it's a scary time for both of us and I promise, in about a year (maybe two?) these hormones will figure themselves out and all will be back to normal. I think.
I don't know. Either way, can you rub my feet now?