Toddlers are so cute, aren't they? They're funny and adorable and full of attitude, but they also have this amazing ability that, well, isn't all that "cute." There are times when your toddler will humiliate you, and unfortunately (if you're their parents) and hilariously (if you're, well, not) there's not a whole lot you can do about it. Their growing curiosity, imagination, and age make them unaware of common social etiquette, which means you'll be the butt end of a joke you (and your toddler, to be fair) didn't know existed.
One of the things no one warned you about parenthood is that you're going to have to walk on egg shells when you take your toddler out in public, because at any minute they could open their mouths or decide they're unhappy or just, you know, be a toddler, and there's no way of predicting the epic embarrassment that may follow. This is just another example of one of the weird things that happen to you when you become a mom, and if you've got a toddler on your hands, you've learned to just accept that you're probably going to have to end up apologizing (while blushing) to the people around you.
Still, humiliation included, it's hard not to adore all of the hilarious things toddlers do. If you have a toddler yourself, you already know what I'm referring to, but if haven't reached the toddler phase yet, let the following 11 moments serve as a "warning" for what's to come.
When They Say Something Rude Or Inappropriate To A Stranger
Toddlers don't understand "manners," or anything that loosely resembles manners. For example, my son thinks anyone who is bigger than him is "big," and he is "teensy," but trying to explain that to the kind woman in the grocery line when he called her "big" was, um, difficult.
When Their Bodily Functions Become A Public Spectacle
Toddlers fart. It's funny. It's also embarrassing when it happens in a quiet room full of people and your kid laughs and then everyone else laughs and then your kid tries to make themselves far again because, well, farts are funny.
When They Take Off Their Clothes In Public
The first thing my son does when we get home is take off his pants. Doesn't matter if it's freezing outside or if we have company; if he's in his house, his pants are coming off. I, personally, am all for the no-pants dance, but I do prefer that it happen in our home. It's not okay to do at the park or at his friend's house or any other public venue, but try explaining to a toddler (who is taught to love his body) why it's inappropriate to live an entirely pants-free existence.
When They Tell Someone About How Much Wine You Drink
There's nothing quite like the look you get from the teller at the bank when your toddler points to her coffee mug and says, "That's where my mom keeps her wine." As if the people who take care of my bank statements didn't already know that I spend too much money on wine...
When They Decide To Use The Bathroom Outside And In Front Of Everyone
I mean, when you've got to go, you've got to go, but when a toddler has to go, sometimes it's in the middle of the playground or the library or the soccer field or some other place that's not, you know, a bathroom. Oh well, at least the many hours of potty training are paying off. Sort of.
When They Have An Epic Meltdown In The Grocery Store
None of us ever think we'll have that kid at the grocery store. Nope, we'll never let our kid throw a fit over a slice of cheese or try to lock themselves in the freezer with the chicken nuggets because they're mad or roll around on a filthy floor because we won't let them drive the buggy. Except, yes we most definitely will.
When They Steal Something
Toddlers have thieving hands, and they're also incredibly sneaky. My son once tucked an avocado into his lap, underneath his blanket. I didn't realize it until I was putting him back into his car seat and the avocado fell out. Do you know how embarrassing it is to walk back into the grocery store to return an avocado that your child stole?
When They Get Intrusive With Strangers
Again, toddlers are still learning what boundaries are, and before they understand them, well, going out in public is basically an invitation for them to overstep every boundary imaginable. My son once sniffed the woman in front of us in the checkout line at Target. I mean, he really got a whiff of her and, not surprisingly, he wasn't a fan of her perfume. "Meh, that's icky," my son lovely told me (and the nice woman) So that was fun.
When They Share The Gossip They Heard You Talking About
Toddlers are the worst at keeping secrets, and they're always listening. Seriously, nothing gets by them, so if you don't want to have to explain to your child's teacher why your toddler told her that his mother said she was ,"flirting with his dad," well, you should probably limit your gossip sessions to when your child isn't lurking beside the couch and listening to everything that you're saying.
When They Damage Public Property
To toddlers, the world is a playground that needs to be climbed on. This is perfectly innocent and harmless until they try to climb a shelf full of something that definitely doesn't need to be dropped on a concrete floor and, well, you get where this is going. All you can really do is try to keep as close of an eye on them as possible (though they will get away at some point, because they're stealthy like that) and pray that the store they vandalize doesn't have an "if you break it, you buy it" policy.
When They're Way Too Honest
Toddlers are sometimes the reflections we wish we didn't see. They don't know how to lie or fabricate or even sugar coat anything that they say, and their truth telling can sometimes sting a little, especially when they tell someone else how they feel about their cooking or their hair or their smelly breath, or when they make some other extremely humiliating and off-based judgment of a person.
Toddlers: honesty and embarrassment wrapped up in one adorable package.