Can you imagine how strange it is for fathers-to-be to watch and support their partners through a pregnancy? I mean, my partner is male, so unless there are some serious medical advances made in our lifetime, I’ll never have the joy of seeing him grow a human. It was weird enough to be the one with child, so I can’t even begin to assume how powerless and confusing it is to support your loved one through pregnancy; to watch them change shape, size, and personality (thanks, hormones!) multiple times over the course of 10 months.
I consider myself lucky to have a super-supportive partner who was totally in my corner through every step of my pregnancy (especially that time he went on an emergency grocery store run for sausage and a Redbox rental of Frozen because nothing else had ever been so important since when were we going to have time to watch movies after the baby came anyway?), but even the most supportive partners can make mistakes. Nobody’s perfect, right? So, for these reasons, I’ve compiled a list of suggested questions that dads-to-be should avoid, unless of course, they want to upset their pregnant partner and TRUST ME YOU DON’T WANT TO DO THAT.
"Why Are You Crying?"
She might not even know. Asking her to tell you might only make her cry harder.
"Can You Calm Down?"
This almost never a good question to ask someone, but for the record, NO NO SHE CANNOT CALM DOWN. Also it's really patronizing and diminishing of her feelings, which are real even if they're...accentuated by hormones.
"Is That Normal? "
Unless you are genuinely concerned about some sort of pregnancy side effect she’s displaying that you don’t think she’s aware of, it’s best to avoid implying that there’s anything off about her pregnancy. She’s doing the best she can, and also probably already freaked out from imagining that everything going on with her is uniquely concerning out of all the pregnancies that have ever happened in the history of womankind.
In The First Trimester: "Do You Want Some Spaghetti?" (Or Anything Remotely Flavorful)
Trust me, she will let you know if and when she wants food (and she'll probably be very specific about what she wants).
In Any Other Trimester: "Do You Mind If I Finish Your Spaghetti?"
Yes, she minds. She will always mind. It's frankly upsetting and rude that you even asked.
"Could You Maybe Wear Some Cute Underwear?"
If by “cute” you mean “comfortable and sensible,” then sure.
"Could You Rub My Feet?"
Is today opposite day? That’s your way of offering her a foot rub, right?
"Do You Mind If I Cook This Really Spicy, Strong Smelling Meal?"
In the first trimester, this is problematic because of nausea. In the other trimesters, this is problematic because of exhaustion. So, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it's lose-lose.
"Are You Really That Nauseous?"
Yes. It feels like I just ate bad shrimp and rode a dinghy to sea.
"Could You Please Save Me One Of Those Ginger Ales?"
Hahahahahaha forever. Exception: You have the stomach flu.
"How About We Name The Baby After My [Insert Horrible Family Member]"?
OK, I know you're probably joking, but that's not funny.
"Can We Change The Channel?"
I guess technically if you take the remote, she won't fight you on it because who wants to actually get up and expend effort when you're pregnant, but I still don't recommend it. She probably has gas and knows how to use it.