As you can imagine, texts a pregnant woman sends during her birthing class, like other texts sent during pregnancy, can be a crystal-clear snapshot into that woman's psyche. Most people think of birthing class as a soothing place to sit on the floor and practice breathing. That's...not exactly what it was like for me. For me, childbirth class was when reality struck and when I started to really picture, like, in full detail, the labor experience ahead ahead of me. It was actually fairly traumatic (granted, I think my experience was pretty unique), and I went through a crazy spectrum of emotions while sitting in a hospital conference room with a half-dozen other pregnant ladies and their partners. Maybe because I was even more sleep-deprived than usual (because who requires pregnant women to be somewhere at 8 a.m. on a Saturday?), but the whole thing made me feel very fragile.
My partner was with me the entire time (what a gem), but had he not been, I would have been glued to my phone giving him thorough and descriptive text updates about birthing class and its intensity. I barely used my phone during that time, though I can only imagine what they would have looked like if I had:
When Your Partner Is Not With You
On Learning What Sort Of Environment You'll Be Delivering In
Seriously, I was temporarily excited by the idea of having access to a bathtub during my labor. Did I end up using it? Nope. But I sure liked the idea of it.
On The Info You Receive
To be fair, I did learn a lot from my birthing class. But is birthing class the only place where you can learn about birth? No. In fact, if I recall correctly, my sixth grade health class covered a thing or two on the process as well. Nothing like a bit of nostalgic grade-school knowledge to bring it all home.
On Your Instructor's Revelation That Portrayals Of Birth In Entertainment Are Wildly Inaccurate
Our instructor opened our class by debunking the myth that birth is anything like how it's shown on TV. I'm almost embarrassed to admit how much my image of birth was influenced (read: entirely drawn from) Kirstie Alley in Look Who's Talking and Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up.
On The Visuals
Yes, numbers are good, and usually I'm actually pretty good with them. However, the chances of me recalling numbers that I learned during the third trimester of pregnancy were approximately 3.7%.
On Your Feels
Knowledge is power, yes, but it's also fuel for nightmares. #TheMoreYouKnow
When Your Partner IS With You
On The Most Dramatic Revelation Of Your Entire Pregnancy
I might be alone in this, but the concept of Transitional Labor shook me to my core, which, according to my partner, has a lot to do with how it was explained in my class. I imagined that during that stage of labor, I was going to turn into that girl from The Exorcist and rage at everyone and everything in sight. (Spoiler alert: this did not happen.)
On What You Suspect Will Be The Interactive Part Of Class
As soon as the discussion of birthing poses started, I knew. If there is anything scarier than the thought of giving birth, it's the idea of pretending to do so while fully clothed, in front of strangers.
On Your Reaction To The Interactive Part Of Class
I wish I could say that I stuck to my guns but...I didn't. And did I use any of the poses I so cautiously practiced in that conference room? NO. NO, I DID NOT, INSTRUCTOR.
On Your Honest Confusion
There are a few possible explanations for this one, but most of them led to even more questions.
On Adulthood's Most Common Problem
Making friends as an adult is nearly impossible when you only have yourself to worry about, let alone a growing family. I don't blame anyone who sees potential in classmates.
On Motherhood's Most Common Problem
My son is just now reaching the age where play dates make sense for him, but when I was pregnant? This seemed like a much bigger deal than it has turned out to be.
On Your Feels
Just because your partner is with you, it does not protect you from your own feelings.