Romper

12 Things Every Grown-Ass Woman Knows About Sex After Having A Baby

Hey, do you guys know what's great? Sex. It really is just the bee's knees. I'd hypothesized this ever since I thought I invented masturbating as a kid, and later confirmed it through rigorous and thorough research into my teens and 20s. Of course, every now and then, sex results in what health teachers tell us is sex's primary purpose: a baby. (Of course, the idea that sex is primarily for reproduction is up for debate, but that's another article for another time.) And when that happens — the whole baby thing — sex can get more complicated on a whole bunch of different levels.

Whether there are physical issues related to childbirth, emotional issues related to having a new child, or limitations of time, space, or your ability to sleep, these post-baby complications to your sex life can be myriad, intertwined and, frankly, incredibly obnoxious.

But hey, you're an adult — more than an adult, you are a Grown-Ass Woman™ — what does a grown-ass woman do when things get complicated? She deals with it. And she deals with it by approaching the issue with confidence and an open mind. If their partner is also a Grown-Ass Person™, all the better. If not, that fool gets a crash course and quick.

So what are the things a grown-ass woman knows about sex after having a baby? Ahem.

They Know They're Not Broken: They're Tough As Hell

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Ah yes, the pervasive myth that birth makes your vagina loose, ruining you as a viable sexual being forever. Girl, please. Grown-ass women do not have time for this baseless nonsense, they tend their literal wounds, confident in the knowledge that, under typical circumstances, their vagina will spring back to basically normal on its own. And even if they require medical assistance, they still know they are not broken.

They Know It May Take Time For Stella To Get Her Groove Back

Whether a woman experienced tearing during delivery or she is experiencing vaginal dryness after birth or she's simply adjusting to her life with a new baby (whether or not she physically gave birth to her child), this whole having a kid thing is a massive life change, and a grown-ass woman is kind enough to herself to give her time to adjust both physically and mentally.

They Know The Importance Of Lube

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Remember that vaginal dryness I was talking about? (It's especially an issue for breastfeeding women.) Grown-ass women know to always have lube on hand, whether they're having sexy fun times with their partner or flying solo with a toy.

They Know The Importance Of Kegels

Your OB or midwife very likely lectured you on the importance of doing kegels while pregnant and if you are a grown-ass woman, you listened (I mean... OK, sometimes it's hard to remember). Grown-ass women also know that it's important to keep up the vag-exercise after the baby arrives in order to strengthen those pelvic floor muscles.

They Know They Will Have Sex In The Same Room As A Sleeping Infant

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OK, even for grown-ass women, this can be incredibly weird the first time you do it. But room sharing has been shown to lower the risk of SIDS, and it's also insanely convenient. And it's not like they can see or hear you when they're sleeping. And even if they wake up, they're infants; They don't know WTF is going on. Grown-ass women take a pragmatic approach with this.

They Know They Will Be Blocked Again And Again By Their Child

Grown-ass women always realize there's a pretty good chance that the instant they decide to get down, their baby will wake up, so they learn to measure their expectations. They do not take this personally or hold it against their infants (usually).

They Know The Importance Of Flexibility... But Not Just That Kind Of Flexibility

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Yes, physical flexibility is good, but so too is flexibility in the sense of being adaptive. Whether things are physically different in their fancy bits after giving birth, or they're adapting to time constraints or physical limitations (such as not waking up the baby sleeping a few feet away from them in their bassinet), grown-ass women know that they may need to change up their usual boudoir routines. Rather than get bent out of shape about it, they see it as an opportunity to get creative.

They Know They Will Probably Be Having Less Sex (For A While)

Because let's be honest here, right?

They Know The Art Of The Quickie

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A grown-ass woman knows there isn't always going to be time for Sting-inspired tantric sex, so they master the art of wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am.

They Know There's No Shame In Scheduling Sex

Is it the most romantic solution in the world? Not at all. But sometimes romance follows sex instead of the other way around. When grown-ass women schedule sex with their partners, it's letting everyone involved know, "This is important to us and we need to make time, even when other things are getting in the way." It's not carefree and spontaneous, but the physical act itself can nurture closeness and, of course, orgasms, both of which are pretty great.

They Know That If Sex Was Important To Them Before Baby, It Will Remain Important After

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Grown-ass women recognize that the role of sex is different in every relationship. For some couples, it's a central aspect of their couplehood. For others, sex is a nice side benefit, but not too important. But grown-ass women know that if sex was very important before having a baby, it's probably not all-of-a-sudden going to become unimportant. As such, they follow the aforementioned steps to ensure its continued place in the life of her and her partner. But...

They Know That Sometimes There Will Be Nothing They Can Do To Fix A Problem

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Sometimes life gets in the way of sex. It makes perfect sense that having a baby would be one of those things that poses a challenge to one's customary banging routines. And grown-ass women know that sometimes, despite every effort, it's not going to happen: Physical limitations will make sex painful, lack of time or sleep will make it logistically impossible, or a needy baby will interrupt time and time again. That is normal and that is fine. Grown-ass women know that with time and effort (and sometimes professional help), this too shall pass.