From my earliest days, I was
destined to be a nerd. My mother is a fantasy author, so The Once and Future King was more or less required reading in childhood. My house was covered in all manner of fairies, mermaids, and dragons. My dolls had names like Galadriel and Morgan Le Fay. So I think as I got older and my husband told me about these amazing books by George R.R. Martin that I just had to read, I almost fought against it simply because I was like,"I've had enough of this to last a lifetime." But this sh*t is (apparently) in my blood. I read it. I loved it. But that's not the end.
You see, a nerd can't just read something like the
Song of Ice and Fire series and just be like, "Oh, that was pretty cool." We can't even be like, "Yippee! That was one of my favorite books." No. We obsess over it. We devour all the books one after the other within a month or two. We spend hours on A Wiki of Ice and Fire reading backstories and fan theories. We start a blog with similarly minded friends that is basically an online version of "Marry/F*ck/Kill" with GoT characters. We slavishly follow all the news about the TV show and pick apart every narrative departure and casting decision.
We really, really can't help ourselves. Like I said,
it's in our blood.
As such, being a
Game of Thrones fan will absolutely spill into how we approach parenting... When Your Child Nervously Asks For A Nightlight, You Nod, "For The Night Is Dark And Full Of Terrors."
Sure, you're probably making them more scared of the dark with that creepy and foreboding idiom, but as a
Game of Thrones fan, you know you can't waste such a perfect opportunity to use a memorable quote. You Want To Get Them A Mythical Creature As A Pet
The Stark children all had a pet direwolf (well, at one point they all did; Let's go ahead and pour one out for Lady and Grey Wind). When a Targaryen child was born, back in the day, a dragon egg was placed in their crib. These details make you think to yourself, "OMG, my Isabella would be so cute riding a dragon or cuddling a pony-sized wolf." There's just something about little kids and ridiculously dangerous beasts that makes your heart pitter-pat.
You Refer To Your Kid As "My Sweet Summer Child"
Especially when they're being naive.
You Have Spent Too Much Time Trying To Figure Out What House They Belong To
It's like sorting your kids into Hogwarts houses, but with
even more options. This will occupy hours of your time. My mercurial, bold, and affable son is definitely a Baratheon. My daughter is difficult to tell at the moment, but given the fact that she's a very big, tall blonde with beautiful blue eyes, I figure she's probably from the same stock as Brienne of Tarth. When They Do Something Sneaky, You Are Secretly Proud
Because cunning is the only way they will get by in Westeros. Sure, this isn't Westeros and lying to you about how many pieces of candy they swiped from your desk drawer isn't exactly a survival skill, but
still. You Try To Guess Their Westeros Occupation
Would they be a knight? A Black Brother? A septon/septa? A maester? A priest of the Drowned God? Mistress of Whispers? Pirate? Faceless Man? Warlock? Woods Witch? Spear wife? This is what will occupy your time after you finally figure out which house they belong to.
You Want To Get Them "Dance Lessons"
Because once you get them that wolf or dragon as a pet, they will need deadly weapons to play with as well... #parentoftheyear
You Have So Many Halloween Costume Ideas
When my son was 2 years old, I wanted to do a family costume as the three Lannister children: Cersei, Jaime, and Tyrion. But my sweet summer child decided to be a total Joffrey and wouldn't put on his red cloak and gold chain. He basically broke my heart.
You Frequently Tell Them They Know Nothing (If Only In Your Head)
Because seriously, kids don't know a damn thing.
You've Gone Through The Illustrated History Of Westeros With Them And Given Them Child-Friendly Versions Of The Stories is a really cool tome on the history of Westeros and a peek into the lands surrounding it. The illustrations are absolutely stunning, and if your children are like mine, they will love going through and asking about the dragons, knights, kings and queens, and castles they see depicted therein. But since this is 1,000,000% not a children's book, you can go ahead and skip over telling them that Aegon Targaryen and his sister-wives literally burned a field full of men alive in order to conquer the Seven Kingdoms. A World of Ice and Fire You Have Adopted 'Game Of Thrones' Pet Names For Them
Your daughter is not "princess." She's your little khaleesi. Your son is "my sun and stars." (My son was "Little Robert Baratheon" for his propensity to double-fist sippy cups and grab boobs.)
When You Babywear You Pretend You're Hodor
Because, Hodor, folks. Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor.