13 Reasons Why Your Non-Mom Friend Can Give You The Best Support During Childbirth

Ad failed to load

One of the most important decisions a new mom (or any mom) will make, is who she will allow in the labor and delivery room. Whether she's birthing at home or at a birthing center or in the labor and delivery wing of a hospital, who she surrounds herself with when she does (arguably) one of the most difficult things she'll ever do in her life, is paramount. I know having your mom and partner and perhaps even other moms there with you may or may not be helpful, but there are so many reasons why your non-mom friend will give you the best support during the labor and delivery process. Trust me, because my kid-free best friends definitely did.

I had my partner and my two kid-free best friends in the labor room with me; one best friend from the very beginning of my labor process, and the other towards the end, when I started to push. Having two women who knew me way before I ever decided to be a mother, two women who weren't mothers themselves, was so helpful, I often wonder why this apparent "war" between parents and non-parents even exists. My friends were kind and understanding and helpful and they made me laugh and they didn't take things too seriously and they didn't give me unsolicited advice and they were my greatest advocates, because they had the freedom to be. While my partner was focused on me and our baby, they could be focused on the little things; in part because they didn't have a baby or kid or immediate family to tend to of their own. While I understand that sounds a little selfish, I would argue a woman giving birth deserves to be selfish so, you know, it is what it is.

Mostly, my friends were able to experience labor and delivery, for the first time, with me. I didn't feel alone in my fear or my anxiety or my astonishment, because they felt it, too. It was just an amazing experience that bonded us all and made our friendship even stronger, while simultaneously helping me bring my son into the world. So, with that in mind and if you're wondering who to bring into your labor and delivery experience as your due date approaches, here are a few reasons why a non-mom friend might be the perfect labor and delivery addition.

Ad failed to load

She Can Get Away With Making "Inappropriate" Jokes...


No one will know their audience like your kid-free friend. For example, my best friend (a few days before my due-date) gave me a potted plant and told me we would see which one lived longer, the plant or my new baby. A little morbid? Obviously. But did it make me laugh and forget that I was about to go through labor and delivery? Yes. She was the reason I was determined not to take childbirth so seriously and remember that, hey, I can handle it. I didn't have to lose that sense of humor, just because I was going to become a mom. She reminded me that I was still me, and I so needed that the last week before my water broke.

...But Knows When To Get Serious


My friend also had her own go-bag packed and the moment I told her I was in labor, she was headed to the hospital. She knew when to joke and when not to, and could disassociate herself enough to not freak out, but just be this stoic presence that, in turn, left me calm and determined.

She'll Stay Calm


Because my mom-free friend had never had a child before and didn't research all the things that could go wrong during labor and delivery and wasn't my partner, so she wasn't as invested, she was easily the calmest person in the room. I swear she had her shit together more than the doctors and nurses, and those people were statues of unwavering reliability. She didn't have her own children to worry about, so she could stick around and just be present and serene and almost in awe of the entire process, because she had never experienced it for herself.

Ad failed to load

She Won't Mind Taking Care Of The "Dirty Work"


Because my partner was focused on me and my mom friends had their own families, so they couldn't stay in the hospital for the entirety of my almost 24 hour labor, my bestie was able to do some of the "dirty work" without hesitation or other obligations. When my water continued to break as I walked the halls (I mean, I leaked for what felt like forever) she was cleaning it up, no questions asked. If that's not friendship, I have no idea what is.

She'll Make You Laugh


Because my non-mom friend had never experienced pregnancy or labor or delivery, she was removed enough to appreciate how freakin' gross it all is. Like, she didn't feel like she had to take everything seriously because she's a mother and I'm a mother and this is a woman's body doing a miraculous thing. Yes, she felt that way, but she also thought me pooping while I was pushing was disgusting and hilarious, and she could make me laugh through the entire situation, which helped me bring my kid into the world.

She'll Talk To Your Family Members/Other Friends


She didn't have her own children to call or check in on, so my best friend was more than happy to let my mother (who was in another state at the time) know, minute-by-minute, what was going on. She was keeping everyone posted so my partner and I could focus on bringing our son into the world. It was awesome and so helpful.

Ad failed to load

She Won't Mind Stepping Back To Take Pictures


Just like keeping people informed, my best friend was free to take pictures the moment my son entered the world. Those pictures of him being placed on my chest and me seeing him for the first time and my partner and I kissing (the first kiss we shared as official parents) are some of my most cherished photographs, and it's all a because my kid-free friend was available (and willing) to take them.

She Can Keep You Grounded...


It's kind of (read: very) easy to get lost in "motherhood," and forget that there are things that matter outside of procreation. My mom-free friend, even in the throes of labor and delivery, was more than happy to remind me that, hey, this was just a moment in my life. Yes, a big moment, but so were so many other moments, and I made it through those just fine, too. She was able to keep my feet on the ground so I didn't get lost in the severity of my situation, and simply viewed labor as something I had to get through in order to become a mother.

...And Help You Think Beyond Labor And Delivery


My mom-free friend was able to remind me that, yes, this life-defining moment wasn't going to be my only life-defining moment. Every woman is different, but your non-mom bestie will know what you need to hear in order to keep you focused on not only what you need to do, but the reason why you need to do it. I wanted to meet my son, but I wanted to meet my son so that I could, eventually, do other things with him, too. She talked to me about bringing him to her house and how she would get to be his favorite "aunt" and, well, that was so damn helpful.

Plus, she reminded me that as soon as I popped out my kid I would be able to to partake in happy hour again and, yeah, that gave me all the energy I needed.

Ad failed to load

She Won't Give You Unsolicited Advice...


I can't tell you how helpful it was to have someone in the delivery room that had never been there before. Like me, my non-mom friend was learning about this entire process, first hand, for the first time, and it was so wonderful to not hear, "Well, when I did this..." or, "Yeah, that was different for me," or, "Weird, my doctor did this." We got to learn together, and that was as helpful as it was meaningful.

...Or Go On And On About What "She Did"


Seriously, every mom-friend should know this isn't helpful, but sometimes it can be difficult to look past your own experiences. Every pregnancy and every woman and every labor and delivery is different. Your non-mom friend won't be tempted to share her experience at a time when you're enjoying (or getting through) yours, which will only aid you in birthing your baby. Trust me.

She Won't Care If You Scream Or Cuss...


My non-mom friend wasn't worried that her kid would hear me in the hallway, because she didn't have a kid at all. In fact, when I cussed and screamed and cussed some more, she just laughed, which made me laugh, which helped with the entire labor process.

Ad failed to load

...And Will Thank You For Reminding Her To Take Her Birth Control


The last thing my kid-free best friend said to me before she left the hospital and kissed my newborn son goodbye, was, "Hey, thanks for reminding me to take my birth control. I am never, ever, doing what you just did."

I guess we both helped one another that day.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

The Reason Why Babies Smile At You Will Seriously Make You Smile

Whether you're currently the recipient of your own baby's sweet smiles or you just seem to be a magnet for baby grins in general, you might find yourself wondering why babies are always smiling at you. Sure, you could be a 'smile whisperer' but scien…
By Kate Miller

8 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say That, Yes, You Are Their Favorite

For a baby to show a preference for a specific person is not only normal, but an essential part of their development. Babies need to form strong attachments to their caregivers for their emotional, social, and physical wellbeing. Usually, but not alw…
By Kimmie Fink

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

7 Things A Mom Really Means When She Says She Doesn't Want Anything On Mother's Day

Every year my family asks me what I want for Mother's Day, and every single year I tell them the same thing: Nothing. So, by now, they know that when I say "nothing" I absolutely do not mean "nothing." In fact, there are more than a few things a mom …
By Candace Ganger

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

8 Fascinating Facts About Babies Born In May, The Luckiest Month Of All

The height of all things fresh and springy, May is an excellent month to have a baby. It's a time of growth, graduations, and outdoor celebrations. And these fascinating facts about May babies will give you more reasons than ever to appreciate childr…
By Lindsay E. Mack

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills