15 Signs You're Definitely Kicking Pregnancy's Ass
Making new people is hard, especially when the world expects you to continue doing other stuff while you're making other people. (The absolute nerve!) Pregnancy will do its best to defeat you some days, what with nausea and fatigue and heartburn and constantly having to pee. But even if you're not feeling as glowy as a second-trimester mom on a spring day, there are plenty of signs you're kicking pregnancy’s ass.
For starters, if you have remained alive after becoming pregnant, you are already kicking pregnancy’s ass. You're a warrior, whether you're still pregnant, have given birth, and whether you have a (or several) babies, or no babies at all. Pregnancy offers no guarantees (well, aside from occasional unwanted attention in public places if and when you start to show). If you’ve managed to figure out how to make your particular pregnancy manageable? Or even to get other things done and maintain your friendships and other relationships? High five a million angels, ‘cause you’re crushing it.
If you recognize any (or many) of the following, pat yourself on the back. You’re probably making pregnancy look way too easy to everyone around you. I'm just saying, if a bunch of your friends start posting pregnancy announcements soon, it's probably your fault.
Your Favorite Takeout Place Knows Your Order…
It has all of the things you crave, and none of the things that make you want to puke.
...And They Toss In Little Freebies Here And There
Pro-tip to all food-sellers: keeping a pregnant mama happily well-fed isn't just nice, it's good for business. She's literally growing you more customers, after all.
Your Pregnancy Pillow Has A Perfectly You-Shaped Dent In It
This is a sure sign that you've, you know, found your groove.
(I am determined to make #MomJokes a thing. Determined.)
Your Pets Come Looking For You When They're Sleepy
You are the comfiest pillow in the house (or, you know, it appears that way). And they can trust you not to move for a while (as long as you went to the bathroom right before settling down, at least).
You've Got Slip-On Shoes Handy During Your Third Trimester
At least, when there's no one around to help you tie your other shoes. Mama's gotta do what mama’s gotta do.
You're Serious About Hydration, So Your Water Bottle Has Become A Personal Trademark
“There's a purple water bottle on this chair — must be where Sabrina is sitting when she gets back from the bathroom.”
— All of my friends, circa 2014
You've Got The Same Leggings In Multiple Colors
Or even the same ones in the same color, because ain't nobody got time for constant laundry. When you find an item that works, gotta stock up! Who cares if your closet starts to look like it belongs to a cartoon character?
You Instinctively Scan Every Room You Enter For The Most Comfortable Seat…
You're always on the lookout for the perfect chair, which isn't hard, yet isn't so soft or weirdly angled that you can't get back out of it. There's nothing like an overly soft chair that's too low to the ground to make a pregnant lady feel like a turtle on its back.
...And The Quickest Path To The Bathroom
Because you will have to go. Usually when you've just gotten comfortable.
You've Figured Out How To Repurpose A Bunch Of Your Pre-Pregnancy Clothes
Buying and/or borrowing some maternity pieces is unavoidable, but figuring out how to make as much use of your old wardrobe as possible is awesome.
You Use Your Belly As A Snack Table
I mean, if your pregnancy is going to give you cravings, it’s nice that it also gives you a convenient place to hold them when your belly keeps you a uncomfortably far from the coffee table.
You've Got Killer Comebacks On Deck For When People Try To Touch Your Belly Or Judge You…
“I wish a mofo would…”
...And An Even More Killer Side-Eye That Stops Most People From Even Trying You
That withering glare that makes random strangers think, “That mama gives life, but she looks like she might snatch it back, too. Let me not.”
You Still See Your Friends And Family On A Regular Basis…
It takes a village to raise a child (and to feed and entertain a pregnant lady). Keeping your networks strong isn’t just good for you, it’s important for building the support you need after baby.
...Bonus Points If *They* Come To *You*
Maybe my “I was massively pregnant in the dead of winter” is showing, but I think it should be mama’s choice on location. Especially if that location is “her favorite chair.”