10 Things A Pregnancy Announcement Would Say If It Was Completely Honest

by Sabrina Joy Stevens

As a total paper/design nerd, I get ridiculously, embarrassingly excited about life occasions like weddings, new children, and anything else that offers an excuse to play with images, text, and borderline sappy emotions. When my partner and I decided to announce my pregnancy, we took a cool (or cheesy?) photo of us recreating The Beatles' Abbey Road cover during a trip to London, and I timed the announcement to coincide with the 100th day of my #100HappyDays project. (I know.) It was fun, though it said almost nothing that a pregnancy announcement would say if it was completely honest.

That's cause, honestly, the best pregnancy announcements don't say very much at all. Pregnancy announcements are an opportunity to show off your creativity. They're a chance to swear allegiance to whatever fandom(s) you belong to (we almost staged our announcement at Platform 9 & 3/4, but my husband still hadn't even started Harry Potter by then. Shameful, I know). But mostly, they're just a convenient way let all the people in your life know that you're making a new person, and to give them a general idea of when said new person is supposed to arrive. (One of the smartest moms I've ever encountered in an online mom group gave me a pro-tip I plan to try if and when I have another kid: don't tell anyone (but your partner) your estimated due date. Allegedly, it cuts way down on the number of people pestering you about "Is the baby here yet?!" when that date rolls around.)

But it would be amazing if just once, someone dared to make a pregnancy announcement that actually told the whole truth about what they were thinking at the time. Then again, it'd be kinda hard to cram all of that into a single picture, or even a caption. If someone managed it, though, I imagine it would include some or all of the following:

“We’re Terrified”

Especially if it's your first time, finding out you're about to welcome a new person into your family is so exciting and so scary at the same time. Are we all going to be OK? Will we be able to handle this responsibility? Will we become totally different, boring people that we don't even recognize?

“I Made This During the 45 Minutes This Week That I Didn't Feel Like Total Hell”

Pregnancy looks awesome in photos, and often in memories. But for many of us, pregnancy is also tiring and uncomfortable as all get out. Still, we have social obligations, and we're still excited about the person or people currently using our bladder as a pillow, so we make cute images celebrating this time to share with our friends and family.

“I Think Our Announcement Is Way More Clever Than All The Other Ones We've Seen”

Just like your baby will be cuter than all the other babies, too. It's a total fact, and you're not biased at all, nope, not even one teeny tiny little bit.

“We’re Going To Be Such An Adorable Family”

It's gauche to brag, so you won't. But like, come on. Look at you in your coordinating outfits/idyllic meadow or forest/chic urban surroundings. When this kid comes, y'all are going to be the toast of Instagram. But you don't want your friends to know you know that, so you keep that tidbit to yourself.

“But For Real, We’re Terrified”

Will we be able to afford this? What if we don't get into the good daycare? What if we can't afford the good daycare? Or any daycare? What if I don't want to go back to work? What if I or the baby need emergency care and extra time to recover? Will we have enough leave time? Will our insurance cover everything?

“Our Mental Image Of Life With This Child/Children Is Terribly Unrealistic”

Because everyone is a Pinterest-perfect parent, before they actually have kids. The unborn child in this pregnancy announcement will probably never lay eyes on a TV or tablet screen, will sleep through the night in mere weeks, and will never, ever throw themselves to the ground and scream in the middle of a public place. It's a good thing, too, because if they did, that child's perfectly coiffed, definitely-not-letting-herself-go-and-wearing-leggings-all-the-time mother might risk ruining the stylish outfit that coordinates with her equally stylish child.

“It's Entirely Possible That We Were Fighting Right Before We Took This Photo”

Don't deny it, Non-Pregnant Partner. You know exactly what you did. You ate the one thing in the house that won't make her throw up/ruined her latest nesting project/basically just dared to not be pregnant while she is pregnant, and it is all your fault, just like everything else from now until she has totally healed from childbirth, because those are the rules of nature.

“We're Putting So Much Thought Into How We Tell People About This But Someone Is Still Gonna Get Mad”

Doesn't matter if you spent days agonizing over your A list (all the people you call or text to let them know the news) or your B list (all the people you'll casually tell as you see them in person) before you post this announcement to social media, or if you just put it out there without a second thought. Somebody is going to get bent out of shape that they had to hear about your pregnancy on Facebook instead of some one-on-one communication. Whatevs. You're pregnant as hell and fresh out of f*cks to give.

“We’re Mostly Being Mature About This, But We’re Super Excited Every Time We See How Many ‘Likes’ This Is Getting”

Curse you, social media, for making validation (and rejection) so visible.

“Seriously, Parenthood Is The Scariest Thing Ever How Do People Even Do This”

So we're really doing this? Adding another person to our family? We have to keep one, two, or more people besides ourselves alive? All at the same time? Seriously? How?