15 (Slightly Traumatized) Parents Share Their Most Horrifying Diaper Story
Show me a parent who claims to have no shocking diaper incidents, and I will show you a dirty liar. They’re diapers, you guys. Let’s cut the babyshit and just all acknowledge that since every parent changes thousands of them, spills and surprises are inevitable. I mean, surely all of us have a good story about "the worst blowout ever," right? And, like tales of wistful fisherman, every time we tell it, the details gets a little bit more dramatic, a little bit more exaggerated, and we hold our hands a little bit further as we say, "It was ~*THIS*~ gross!"
My son is also in a squirmy phase right now, so changing time can be part wrestling, part streaking-down-the-hallway, and part quietly whispering, "Please, oh please, just hold this toy/book/clump of wipes and sit still." We’ve come a long way in our diaper journey since his early weeks at home, but I know we’re not out of the woods yet. My guess is that we’ve got at least another year of diapers to go before potty-training becomes even a remote possibility. So in the meantime, I’m going to enjoy the fact that I’m not alone in the diaper struggle, and be glad that stories like these are the exception not the norm.
"My son once pooped a solid 2-3 feet. From where he was on his changing table to the white comforter on my bed." - Jamie
When my daughter was an infant, she would always poop more as soon as the warm wipe hit her bottom to wipe the first mess. it was like the warmth of the wipe relaxed her enough to finish or something. I always had a billion wipes in my hands. Edward Babywipehands. - Samantha
"Once a trip from Spokane to Seattle, which normally takes 5 hours, took 10 hours. My 4-month-old kept having blow outs and we kept having to exit the interstate and change him. Eventually we stopped exiting the interstate and just changed him on the side of the road, with other cars whizzing by. We felt no shame." - Marie
My son defied the laws of gravity once while eating lunch. When I picked him up from his high chair and kissed his neck, I was within MILLIMETERS of sticking my nose in some mess that had made its way up to his hair. What?! - Rachel
"I was changing my son on the carpet when he was a few months old and all of the sudden he unleashed all that creamy, breast milk poop. I sat there in shock for a couple minutes as everything from my neck down was saturated in this boy's poop. I didn't even know where to start!" - Laura
"So I had c-section and stayed in the hospital for 3 days after my babies were born. On day 5 with baby #2, I decided to change his diaper on the couch, but he wasn't done, so when I did the leg lift I got some projectile yellow seedy poo right in my face!" - Kaycee
"Our oldest (now 4) didn't poop for 2 weeks when she was a month and a half old. We did everything possible to help, made sure there wasn't an obstruction with X-Rays, everything. Then, of course, the one day I was out with her, loading the car with half a years worth of cereal, and I smelled something. She had a blow out, and I mean two weeks worth of a blow out! Up to her shoulders front and back and down the legs! She is still to this day fondly referred to as 'Poopy'.” - Amanda
I was changing my oldest when she was a newborn and as soon as I took her diaper off, I heard an explosion and yellow poo shot out and hit the curtains five feet away. Not exaggerating. - Shannon
"How about the first (and last) time I stuck my finger in the back of my toddler's diaper and why I thought that was a good idea in the first place?" - Kelly
Found a penny in a poopy diaper once! - Suzanne
"When my son was a newborn, I went to change his diaper and mid-change he sneezed and speckled the whole wall (and me) in poop. It was hilarious, but you know, then I had to clean it up." - Gemma
"When my daughter was just a month old, she would projectile poop. If we sensed it coming, we just had to grab a (cloth) diaper and tent her little bum, hoping for the best. Twice, though, she managed to outmaneuver us and got such good distance, it missed the change table entirely and covered about 2 feet of the wall. I took pictures, and they're coming out at her wedding." - Glynis
"Having a massive blow out happen on an airplane (child, not me) and nowhere to change her!" - Kristen
"Definitely dealing with meconium in the hospital! Even after all of our research, we were somehow slightly misinformed. We assumed that "the first poop" meant it would be his literal FIRST poop, not the poop he had for the first three days of his life. We were both exhausted and in really bad shape, because my labor had been a WEEK long and then I had a C-section. Also we were just still very green in the parenting department. I couldn't stand up very well yet, so my wife got up to check his diaper, and the black tar-like poo had literally glued his testicles to the diaper. I was sitting in the bed unable to get up and she was a few feet away trying to separate the mess as gently as possible repeatedly saying "oh my god what do I do?"and using approximately one thousand wipes." - Katherine
"We have had some doozies, but I would have to say it was within the first month of my daughter's life. She had some tummy issues early on, leading to a poop-strike. I'm pretty sure she pooped consistently until she was 2 weeks old and then NOTHING. She went 14 days (14 days!!!!) without pooping. Apparently it is not unusual for breastfed babies to go a long time without pooping, but this was NOT OK..."
...I finally, FINALLY (on day 14 ... we were told "don't worry until it's been 2 weeks") did some rectal stimulation on her (something I certainly never envisioned myself doing), trying to get her body to poop, and OMG. Poop POURED out of this poor kid, so much it was beyond what I could have even expected. Two weeks worth of poop flowed out of her like soft-serve ice cream (sorry for the visual). It was so bad that I was literally frozen over her, I had to call my husband to come home from work to help me! He works for himself so luckily he could scoot away. Together we cleaned her up enough to get her to the bathroom and did an instant bath. I still am recovering and she is 13 months [now]. - Rachael