The weather reports are piling in, and there’s no doubt about it: Winter storm Jonas is hitting the eastern U.S., meaning this year’s Snowmageddon is underway. For most residency of the eastern part of the country, this is...news. For parents in the eastern part of the country, this is absolutely terrifying news. The kids are stuck at home, you’ve shopped for enough food to last your family a month or more (assuming those Little Debbie treats don’t get moldy, and we all know they won’t), and you’ve pulled out all the candles, cozy socks and blankets you can find. You don’t need to go anywhere for anything, which is good because the snow will probably be piled up to the rooftops in the next few hours. You are winning at blizzarding.
Small detail: the kids. You aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, but that also means the kids aren’t either. And if you’re not a Pinterest Mom, this is actually the most challenging part of experiencing a blizzard. How the hell will you keep them occupied and not tearing each other’s limbs off, without being the Worst Mom Ever and letting them have unlimited screen time for the entire weekend? The odds are stacked again every parent, during this and every storm.
It's seriously like, why are childless people even complaining? You guys just get a completely valid excuse to sit around, eat food, wear warm pajamas, and maybe even have sex during a blizzard. That sounds like a really nice weekend, guys. It is the opposite of what's going down (or not, in the case of that last thing) in houses with kids, especially small kids. (Dear god, think of the toddler parents, people.)
But you can do this! Reading books together, making pillow forts, watching family movies, baking cookies and making hot chocolate — this is every parent’s opportunity to live the winter dream! This will be so much fun (assuming everyone survives all of this condensed, forced, merciless "family time).
When You First See The Weather Report
Are they kidding? That is a lot of snow, people. And it's coming right for us.
Winter Is Coming
There's basically no chance of school being open during this. Let's just give up on that beautiful dream right now.
It's OK. We Got This. We Can Do This. We're All Fine. No, YOU'RE Shouting.
Shopping: done. Activities: kind of planned. It's gonna be alright.
Successfully Getting Through Breakfast With No Casualties
Amazing! Normally, there'd be a meltdown by now. This is going to be a great day! What was I even worried about?
Maybe This Will Be Fun After All?
Bring it on, Blizzard! MY KIDS ARE AWESOME. How could I have ever feared extra time hanging out at home with them?
The First Meltdown
Ummm...what exactly is going on here? We were having fun. Why are you ruining this?
It's Only 10 A.M. And They're Already Saying They're Bored
This is going to be a long day after all.
The Second Meltdown
This is why we can't have nice things.
OK, This Sucks
It's not even lunch time. WHYYYYYY?
Did They Really Just Destroy That?!
You're grounded, and you're grounded, AND THE SNOW IS GROUNDED.
Deciding There's A New Appointed Time For Cocktail Hour On Snow Days
Because I cannot deal with you little monsters anymore.
While externally, you're all:
Deciding To Pretend They No Longer Exist
Totally legit response, people. Don't judge.
This Is Never Going To End, Is It?
Time to just just accept it. This is your life now. Probably forever.
Another Meltdown, Only This Time It's Yours
This is going to be bad, and we just need to get through this.
If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em
I believe the saying goes, "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here."