16 Funny Celebrity Quotes About Motherhood That'll Keep You Going On Your Darkest Days
Celebrities — they’re just like us! They swell like balloons during pregnancy, wear diapers home from the hospital, and hide from their children in the bathroom. If you’re locked in the pantry for five minutes of quiet time right now, here are 16 funny celebrity quotes about motherhood to make you feel like you're not alone.
The most relatable celeb mom of all? Cookbook author, TV host, and model Chrissy Patron-Saint-Of-Mothers Teigen. Chrissy Teigen has always been one of the most real, relatable celebs on Twitter, so it makes sense that when she and John Legend brought home baby Luna, she’d let us know her honest thoughts. True to form, she did not disappoint — from pregnancy hormones and adult diapers to the difficulties of breastfeeding and dealing with mommy shamers, she tweeted about it all.
She even went on to share her personal experience with postpartum depression and anxiety in an essay for Glamour, describing how no one in her life had ever said to her they had PPD, and that perhaps by saying she had gone through it, others would recognize it in themselves sooner. In 2018, Teigen and Legend would add son Miles to the family, and Chrissy would return to her regularly scheduled (and hilarious) tweets on motherhood. And she's not the only celeb mom to go on the record with something hilarious about her motherhood experience.
1. On coming home
“No one told me I would be coming home in diapers too,” tweeted Chrissy Teigen after the birth of her daughter, Luna.
2. On postpartum recovery
“First of all, you haven’t seen your vagina in months, even though it’s all her fault you’re in this situation. Now that you can finally confirm that she is, in fact, still there, she isn’t the gal that you remember, and would rather you back off and give her some space (and an ice diaper) for the time being, thank you very much,” Olivia Wilde told Shape.
3. On baby burps being a major win
Christina Applegate told PEOPLE, "Sometimes I stand there going, 'I'm not doing any of this right!' And then I get this big man belch out of her and I go, 'Ah, we accomplished this together.'"
4. On the special hell that is sleep deprivation
"I have some PTSD from my oldest child’s infant days. Never slept. EVER. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep,” wrote Shonda Rhimes in an essay for Motherwell.
5. On… oh, please just go to sleep already
“The sleep deprivation after children is so real,” Amy Poehler wrote in her book, Yes, Please. “I liken it to what it must feel like to walk on the moon and cry the whole time because you had heard that the moon was supposed to be great but in truth it totally sucks. I slept wherever I could. Twenty minutes at lunch. During production meetings. In my car. I remember being filled with rage when childless people would talk about brunch.”
6. On the sheer volume of spit up
Eva Mendes said in an interview with Violet Grey, "I've learned that it's way harder to be a baby. For instance, I haven't thrown up since the '90s and she's thrown up twice since we started this interview.”
7. On babies being babies
Blake Lively told the Los Angeles Times, “Having a baby is just living in the constant unexpected," she says. "You never know when you're gonna get crapped on or when you're gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics. It might be like living with a drug addict.”
8. On realizing it’s not as easy as it looked from the outside
"It's f**king hard. I thought it would be easy," said Adele in an interview with i-D Magazine. "'Everyone f**king does it, how hard can it be?' Oh..."
9. On trying to squeeze out every moment together
"We’re not spending a day apart until she’s eighteen," said Serena Williams of baby Olympia in her cover interview with Vogue.
10. On needing a break
"Sometimes I feel like a bad mom. Some days I feel like I should win best mom of the day award, and some days I find myself doing strange things that don’t have any real purpose, in faraway corners in my house, and I realize I am literally and deliberately hiding from my children,” Kate Hudson wrote in an essay for InStyle.
11. On *seriously* needing a break
"It gets crazy. Everybody knows that whole 4 to 8 at night is like chaos. It’s like the crazy time in our house," said mother of three Gwen Stefani during an appearance on Ellen. "The other day we were driving home and I was thinking, 'OK, Motel 6. If I can just find one and go there and disappear. Disappear from my life.'"
12. On protecting kids from themselves
"Children are f---ing crazy," Mila Kunis told Glamour in 2016. "They're also suicidal. Like, at the park, certain jungle gyms have an opening for older kids to jump out of. [Daughter Wyatt is] 19 months; she can't jump. She just walks off it as if she's on a pirate ship."
13. On protecting them from the world
"I'd never let them become child actors," said Drew Barrymore in an interview with Good Housekeeping. "They'll have a chastity belt, a tracker system, no cell phones and we'll live in the middle of nowhere."
14. On the never-ending messes
”'I don't think so mommy!' is what my child said after, 'can you please pick up the popcorn you threw all over?'" said Anna Faris on Twitter.
15. On cooking for children
“I’m a terrible cook and I’m terrible with timing. So, like the pasta will be ready, but then the sauce isn’t or whatever. Nothing comes together on time,” said Ellie Kemper to Us Weekly. “There’s just a lot always going on, whether you have one kid, two kids, ten kids. So sometimes, I don’t always heat up [the meal] if I’m giving him leftovers. If he’s starving, I won’t always heat up the food. He’ll like touch it and then he makes a shiver sound like, ‘Brr.’ Probably not like he wants to remember from mom’s home cooking, like, ‘It was really cold.’”
16. On being a perfectly imperfect parent
"Yeah my kid [Willow] rides her bike inside. Without clothes. And helmets. While I ignore her and look at my phone," singer P!nk captioned an Instagram, including the hashtag #failingbeautifully.