16 Funny Instagram Captions About Breastfeeding, Because Sometimes You Just Have To Laugh
When it comes to feeding babies, breastfeeding is an amazing, beautiful choice for moms who can make it work. It can also be hard as hell. Between sore nipples, extended nursing sessions, and pumping out the precious leftover liquid, the whole "natural" business can seem totally unnatural at times. Women learn quickly to maintain a sense of humor about the whole motherhood business, if for no other reason than to keep from falling apart. For them, posting a pic or meme on social media with a funny caption about breastfeeding can go a long way toward maintaining that sanity.
Regrettably, Instagram didn't exist yet when my own kids were infants, but as a nursing mom, I definitely would have done my share of posting pics and adding witty remarks to go with them. For those blissful moments when my babies were "milk drunk," I would have posted a picture along with a caption like: "Officer, I swear I only had two boobs." On nights when I was drowsily feeding a baby at 3 a.m., I would have put up a post like: "My husband and I share the load. I breastfeed because he can't; he sleeps because I can't." (Provided I was still conscious enough to use my phone, that is.) And for those exhausted "enough!" moments, I might have created a simple sign: "Kitchen CLOSED!", put it on my chest, and snapped a selfie.
If you enjoy tickling funny bones when you add to your feed, try using one of these captions that lovingly poke fun at the joy of being a 24-hour milk machine. (You might be surprised at how much you miss it when your children have moved on to solid food.)
1. "Becoming a mother means your baby is the one up all night drinking, and you get to be hung over the next day."
Ah, yes... gone (for the moment) are those nights of drinking adult beverages with your friends. But somehow, it seems unfair that you still have to be tired, groggy, and dry-mouthed in the early hours of the morning
2. "Some may call me a hippie. What can I say? I only drink organic milk from my free-range Mommy."
You didn't know you were raising a flower child, did you? Just one of the many fringe benefits of breastfeeding.
3. I'm going to start a club where we discuss what kind of snacks we've dropped on our baby's head while nursing them.
Because we've all been there, right? Rare is the new mom who hasn't tried to squeeze in a quick nosh while her baby was busy guzzling their midday meal. Rarer still is the one who hasn't plunked a glob of yogurt or a corner of cracker onto their nursing child.
4. Don't cry over spilled milk. Unless it's breastmilk, in which case, cry a lot.
Any mom who's spent half an hour pumping a bagful, then accidentally let it slip on the way to the fridge or freezer, can relate to this one. Breastmilk is 100 percent worth crying over.
5. Every time I cry, they stick a boob in my mouth. I love my life.
A great caption for a pic of your baby either nursing contentedly, or smiling goofily after a good meal. And hey, if it works it works.
6. Breastfeeding. Because you can eat 500 extra calories' worth of Oreos. Every day.
One of the coolest benefits of BFing is that you can burn more calories than you would walking an hour on the treadmill — and you don't even have to get off the sofa to do it. Not bad!
7. "Human milk is like ice cream, penicillin, and the drug Ecstasy all wrapped up in two pretty packages." - Florence Williams
Williams is the author of Breasts: A Natural and Unnatural History, so it's no wonder she was able to describe mother's milk so perfectly. And any woman who has witnessed her babe's sleepy, satisfied look after a full feeding session will agree.
8. Booby-trapped [verb]: When your baby has fallen asleep on the boob and you're too scared to move them for fear they'll wake.
The caption to use for a shot of your baby dozing mid-feed. But you'll have to let someone else do the photography, because if you dare to move even a fraction of an inch, that kid is going to snap awake and start wailing.
9. I don't always drink milk, but when I do, I prefer Dos Boobies.
Do you have The Most Interesting Baby in the World? Then this is the caption to go along with a picture of them rocking a cute, smug look on their face.
10. Breastmilk: It's what's for dinner.
A riff on the old ad by the beef council, but it works as a caption for parents whose friends and family still remember the reference.
11. When you're in public without your breast pads and you hear a baby cry: Conceal, don't feel, don't let it shoooowww!
This caption works with a snap of Elsa from Frozen, but it's especially suited for a selfie of you and your baby. Hopefully you've managed to snag a pic before any evidence of letdown.
12. Where should I have lunch today? Right or left?
For an infant, the meal choices are simple and equally appealing. To them, your breasts are as good as a Michelin-starred restaurant.
13. Breastfeeding: Lunch is on me.
For the pun-loving mom comes this clever and very-literal caption that works with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and every meal in between.
14. So you have a problem with my breastfeeding? Go ahead and tell me again about that carton of cow's boob milk in your fridge.
It's one of the mysteries of our modern society: We look down on moms doing what their bodies were designed to do, and yet we have no problem feeding ourselves with products that come from other animals. This caption sums it up nicely.
15. I make milk. What's *your* superpower?
Let the guys keep their X-ray vision, power of flight, and ability to control time. None of those classic comic-book characters ever kept a baby alive simply by offering up a breast. Mom FTW.