Every relationship is different, but in general, they seem to have the same underlying principles and qualities, right? Love each other, share affection, care about each other — pretty basic. I feel like my boyfriend and I are a fairly typical couple, but there are a few things we can't connect to in relationships. Like fighting and the gross things all loving couples do around each other without shame — we literally can not understand it.
I realize we are the minority in this. I have several friends who stare at me like I'm crazy when I say I've never farted in front of my partner. I don't think it's bad to do it; it's just a personal preference. I prefer to keep my gas to myself or find a bathroom where I can relieve myself without my boyfriend having to smell it. I've never used the bathroom in front of him and I probably never will. I don't even like peeing in front of my own kid.
I've been called a prude for this and I've also had people tell me that I must have self-confidence issues, but I don't think either of those things are the case. I'm not incredibly modest either. I'm just a girl who likes to keep bodily functions and things like tweezing the random face hairs that sprout up to myself. Luckily, I've found a guy who feels the same way, but we're not your typical couple. But for those close-knit couples, there are certain gross things they do in front of each other without shame. And I hope I can do at least one of these in front of my boyfriend some day.
OK, I'll admit to doing this one, but I try to keep it to a closed-mouth, under-the-breath burp. But when that pizza hits you, it just hits you, am I right?
2. Pop Each Other's Pimples
I mean, is there no greater showing of love than squeezing your partner's skin to release the oil and gunk from a clogged pore?
3. Open Door Bathroom Policy
It's natural, duh. Who needs to close a bathroom door when there's an important conversation to be had? (Me. I do.) But more power to those of you who don't. I admire your courage.
I hear it's bad to hold them in and you know your partner does it, so let those farts rip free and loud, my brethren!
5. Pick Wedgies
Those yoga pants aren't going to crawl out of your ass on their own and what's more unattractive here? Picking a wedgie or letting your butt eat your underwear?
6. Texting About Poop
You could be like How I Met Your Mother's Marshall and Lily, and wish each other luck in the bathroom or simply send the poop emoji with some descriptors after like, "except it wasn't smiling" or "we're never eating at that Chinese restaurant again!" Though I keep any info about my dumps on the DL, I've totally given my boyfriend some detailed descriptions of my baby's diaper.
7. Pick Their Nose
You can't kiss your SO and have a giant booger fly out now can you? Might as well pick them now so your partner can appreciate your clean nostrils later.
8. Share A Toothbrush
Monster breath or some extra germs and plaque on the old toothbrush? Choose wisely.
9. Sniffing Your Own Armpits
OK, totally guilty of this one. But when you're at the zoo and you're not sure if that smell is you or the gorillas, you're going to have to take a sniff of your own armpit in front of your partner.
10. Snuggle After The Gym
You're all sweaty and gross and covered in gym germs, but damn it, you have to take advantage of those endorphins while you can!
11. Cleaning Your Ears
So much coppery-colored wax. But all the better to hear your darling SO, so have at it. It's normal.
12. Wearing A Mouth Guard To Bed
You gotta do what you gotta do, right? But it's still kind of gross.
13. Talking About IBS, Hemorrhoids, Or Yeast Infections
It's your health! You're not just describing the doughy scent of your vagina for no reason. Your partner totes has a right to know if they're going to be around.
14. Talk About Periods In Detail
If your partner can handle hearing about your poop, then they can hear about how you went through three tampons in four hours, right? Right.
Whether it's hangover-induced or because you're pregnant, puking is still totally gross, but can be shared in front of your partner with no shame. Make sure they hold your hair.
16. Pick At Your Teeth
Especially if your partner pointed out that there was a big wad of spinach between your teeth. Get that sucker out right now!
17. Take A Pregnancy Test Together
OK, so this is more one for the ladies to do in front of their partners, but y'all, taking a pregnancy test is gross. You either need to pee in a cup or hold a stick down in your urine and ew. But it's a life-changing, loving moment so go forth.
18. Check Your Discharge
I mean if things are getting funky there, why not ask your partner to inspect? Especially if you're using it as a fertility method and need to make sure that's actual cervical mucus you're seeing. OK, I just kind of grossed myself out.
19. Peeing While Showering Together
No. You know what, I'm drawing the line at this one.