When you're a child, the whole idea of a "gift" can mean pretty much anything and everything. This rusty screw I just found on the sidewalk, Mommy? I got it just for you... Which is why it's reliably hilarious to ask little kids for their gift ideas. I got to do just that recently, when I had the pleasure of querying 20 preschoolers on Christmas gifts for moms, or what they'd like to get for mommy this holiday season. The results were as delightful and bonkers as you'd expect.
There really is something so deeply touching about the gifts and offerings of small children. Their "presents" come from a place of such innocence and pure love, that even when gifted a small rock pulled from someone's synthetic fireplace, (which was the first gift I was ever given by my own son) it really does immediately become exactly what you always wanted. To this day that rock sits in my jewelry box, and to me it is by far the most precious stone in there.
So without further adieu, let's see what other awesome items might make the preschooler hotlist this year! What would kiddos just really love to gift Mommy for the holidays?
1. Lucy, age 2.
" A Barbie, cupcakes, and cake."
I'm no psychotherapist, but I have a hunch Lucy might be projecting her own holiday dreams onto mom?
2. Ellie, age 3.
"A princess crown."
That's right, Mom. A princess crown. Because we all know who the queen of the house is, and her name is Ellie.
3. Addie, age 4.
"Coffee and wine."
Now there's a kid who pays attention, and knows all too well what mommy really likes! Which is both charming/frightening.
4. Lincoln, age 3.
"Bells, presents, and cookies."
Nice of him to throw in some bells, for added flare.
5. Tate, age 3.
"That car you wanted."
Awesome! Also Tate sounds like a baby mobster. Don't worry dollface, I'll make sure Santa gets that car you wanted...
6. Edith, age 3.
"A pink ring."
Simple. Classic. Pink. And hopefully jewelry and not a fungal infection.
7. Isaac, age 3.
"A fox. A real live fox."
Unclear if he plans to place Ryan Gosling under the tree, or the actual animal. Or if a rabies shot will be included.
8. Ennis, age 3.
"A book. You can read it yourself."
Got that? He's happy to get you a new paperback, but don't expect him to sit down with you at bedtime and help you sound out The Water Dancer.
9. Frieda, age 2.
"A big bouncy castle."
This one is so cute, because you know Frieda really wracked her brain for the most magnificent, glorious gift she could possibly think of.
10. Leo, age 5.
"Pictures of me in front of street art."
And really, weren't you just thinking the other day, "Wow, I have thousands of photos of my young son, but nary a single shot of him in front of a graffitied wall!"
11. Phoebe, age 4.
"A stuffed bunny."
Are we talking a Ty World plush toy here? Or a taxidermied rabbit for display purposes? Unclear.
12. Brody, age 5
Either mom loves to jog, or Brody is tired of her teetering through a game of freeze tag in high heels.
13. Oliver, age 4.
No need to question yourself, Oliver. It's a solid, practical choice. Might be okay to just go with the singular, though. Unless mom is prone to carrying around three or four handbags at a time.
14. Emma, age 4.
"Those papers you wear at the nighttime. Where your face peels off."
Bet you didn't know your child thought you were peeling your own face off every night in the name of beauty, did you Mom? Probably too confusing to explain to her that mommy wears replenishing sheet masks because mommy hasn't had a full night's sleep in exactly four years.
15. Xavier, age 4.
That's right, mom. Xavier wants to buy you what he clearly believes to be your Mecca, and absolute favorite place on earth.
16. Madison, age 4.
"Hummus. And a butterfly cage."
And like that, Madison has covered all of your basic worldly wants and needs.
17. Nolan, age 5.
"An iPad just for you. Then you can see news. And I can see Youtube."
Nolan's figured out how to bring peace and goodwill into your home this holiday season: one iPad for tracking the impeachment hearings, and one for watching dogs go down water slides.
18. Lily, age 4.
Awwwwwwww... (And well played, Lily. Santa will most certainly be throwing an extra present for you into his sack.)
19. Liam, age 4.
"A motorcycle. And some puppies, yeah."
Hmm, not sure if Liam heard "to get mom" or "to get me." Also, do the puppies ride the motorcycle? Are they sidecar? There seems to be some implication that one item won't really work without the other...
20. Pearce, age 3.
"A clock, the number four, and a banana."
Again, not to point any fingers, (and I have no proof) but it kind of seems like Pearce maybe just glanced around the preschool classroom? Which, to be fair, seems to be the gift shopping strategy of many daddies as well. Where Dad just walks into a Macy's and says: "Some perfume. A scarf. And that ornament that looks like a hair dryer."