21 Tweets That Perfectly Capture What Saturdays Are Like With Kids
There's an endless list of changes you experience when you become a parent. Your social life can change, your sleep schedule most certainly changes, and your priorities are sure to change significantly. Another change? Your Saturday mornings (...and afternoons...and evenings). Those are profoundly different after kids.
When you're a parent, there are really no more lazy Saturdays where you can sleep until noon and finally get out of bed around 2:30 p.m. and prepare for a night out on the town around 10:00 p.m. and come home at 3 a.m. I mean, I'm not going to say that happens never but it happens rarely. (So, so rarely.) You're probably not nursing a hangover and if you are, you're definitely hating your life and whoever decided to invent alcohol. You can't quietly read with a cup of coffee. More likely, you're probably downing a cold cup made the day before as you attempt to finish the laundry or prepare a meal or stop your kid from writing on the wall with that permanent marker you've continually told them not to touch.
Your Saturdays are warm and filled with chaos and love and maybe even a fun adventure, but they most certainly don't belong to you anymore. Your schedule can't be as flexible or as empty as it was when you were sans kids, and even though it can be frustrating, it is also surprisingly comforting. Do you miss sleeping in? Of course. But will you miss the early morning wake-up calls from your kid because they want to watch cartoons and have breakfast and yell at the noisy bird outside their window? Definitely. Well, maybe. Possibly. You know what, ask me when that day actually comes.
Either way, it's hard to explain how different your Saturdays are, now that you have kids. Thankfully, Twitter is a thing and parents are using it to make us laugh about the hell that can be a Saturday with children. Here are 21 tweets that perfectly capture Saturdays after kids, because hey, if you don't laugh, you'll most certainly cry.
Plans Or No Plans, You Know How Your Day Will Go
I don't have anything planned for today. Guess my kids will be annoying me for the next 12 to 14 hours.— Stacey Gill (@OneFunnyMotha) March 23, 2016
Whether you're busy or there's nothing on your family schedule, you're not sitting down and you're not getting an ounce of peace and quiet and you're certainly not above being annoyed.
Yes, we're friends, Jen. But not spend-my-Saturday-afternoon-with-a-dozen-4-year-olds-in-exchange-for-sheet-cake-friends, friends.— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) February 26, 2016
Ever want to test your limits in parenting? Take a 6 & 4 yr old appliance shopping for the day.— THE Diaper Dad (@DiaperDads) February 1, 2016
When you're a parent, there's never enough time to go to Bed Bath & Beyond. Seriously, you don't want to have the time. Just don't do it.
My favorite sound is when my kids tell me they are going to play outside.— Meredith (@PerfectPending) February 26, 2016
The kids are quiet. I'm not sure if I should be thrilled or terrified.— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) March 24, 2016
Terrified. You should always be terrified if your house is quiet.
You're Not Going To The Movies
Don't ask me if I've seen a new movie.— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 11, 2016
I have four little girls.
If there wasn't a singing princess in it, the answer is no.
My kid is a few months away from turning 2, and it's been almost two years since I've seen a movie in an actual movie theater, with the popcorn and the candy and the massive surround sound. Oh, those were the days.
You're Cleaning. So. Much. Cleaning.
"But I JUST cleaned this place last week!" was my first thought this morning.— Karen Callahan (@totmessmom) March 7, 2016
Saturdays are less about relaxing and more about getting everything back to neutral so you can start the week mildly in control. (JK, it'll all be wrecked again by Sunday afternoon... OK, dinnertime on Saturday.)
I think my kids were put on this earth to help me perfect my skills at turning laundry right-side-out.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) February 11, 2016
Don't let the laundry win.— Skinnie Talls (@SkinnieTalls) December 8, 2015
The laundry always wins.
The hardest part of parenting is realizing that it is your circus & those definitely are your monkeys.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 2, 2016
You Need All The Coffee
Me:— Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) February 22, 2016
*wakes up, puts on sweatpants*
*drives to coffee shop*
*orders 4 large coffees*
*looks at me*
"So how many kids do you have?"
Needing all the coffee might not be too big a change from your Saturday mornings before kids, but the reason why certainly is.
"So what needs to happen so this gets done?" Me: Three cups of coffee.— The Next Martha (@TheNextMartha) March 23, 2016
You're Not Sleeping In
I didn't win the PowerBall, but my kids let me sleep until 8am, which is basically the same thing.— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) January 10, 2016
Kids letting their parents sleep in? Yeah, the chances of that happening are on par with winning the lottery. Never going to happen.
"You want to SLEEP?! LOLOLOL."— Will (@willgoldstein) January 8, 2016
The Force Awakens— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 17, 2015
At 5:45 on Saturday morning because the force has kids now and they are spilling cereal all over the kitchen.
J.J. Abrams missed an opportunity to incorporate an extremely realistic plot line. Next time, Abrams. Next time.
Oh you kids want to sleep in?— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) February 26, 2016
It's too early?
MY HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED.
[jumps on beds, elbows out]
Saturday Nights Are...Different
At the bar w my husband celebrating our 3 yr Facebook friendship anniversary. Hey, I'm 34 with 3 kids, I'll use any excuse I can to go out.— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 17, 2015
Going out might not look like it did before you had kids, but at least you're going out. Right?
Making tacos at 4am because the tiny dictator who rules my home demanded it.— Creed (@novicefather) January 22, 2016
What Are Kid-Free Saturdays, Again?
I can't remember what my life was like before I had kids. I think it's required that you trade your memory for kids. Wait what was I saying?— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 1, 2016
*6 year old me*— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) January 4, 2016
I wish I was a grown up so I could do what I want.
*39 year old me*
I wish I was 6 so I could do what I want.
If only I had known that, when I was a kid, I had the life. Saturday morning cartoon and a hardy breakfast prepared by someone else and the ability to recklessly play were all things I enjoyed. Now, there's no sleep, all the cleaning and never enough coffee.
Kids are so lucky they're worth it.