35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

Ad failed to load

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusting things husbands do, I thought I was accepting a challenge. I thought to myself: "Wives aren't going to want to talk about or even admit to the gross things their husbands do. I doubt I'll get very many people to participate. No. Damn. Way."

Still, liking a good challenge the way I do, I put the question to some friends and a couple of online mom groups I'm a part of, just to see what I could scrounge up. I quickly discovered how wrong my assumption had been. Within three hours I received about 100 answers. Each answer would often include a lengthy follow-up conversation, too. This is, by far the most commented upon question of all the very many questions I have asked moms. Women were all-too eager to pour their hearts out over this one and commiserate with one another.

And after reading all these answers, there's really only one thing to say: Sirs? Husbands? Dudes? You're all nasty and now you're busted.

Ad failed to load

Gentlemen (if I can even call you that), these are good women. And after learning all the horrible things they put up with for the love of you? Unbelievable. They're not just good women, they're saints. The farting! The boogers! The supremely unhygienic personal hygiene! The weird eating rituals. What is wrong with you? I'm not one to throw stones from my glass house or anything (I'll openly admit to no small amount of nose-picking because it just feels so good sometimes) but there's a goddamn limit.

Because these good, saintly women love you (or because they're simply too embarrassed to admit that they are married to a man who regularly sticks his ass against the wall in the shower, lets out a massive fart, and giggles) many of them wanted to remain anonymous. So I bestowed them with notable alibis: the names of various sainted martyrs. Because, frankly, the arrows, decapitations, and various tortures those ladies went through seem like child's play compared to the following:

Ad failed to load



"Chews his toenails. He can put his foot in his mouth, he wipes his nose with the palm of his hand, and he clears his throat with a noise that sounds like a cat hacking up a hairball. Oh, and he constantly fondles his junk. His hands down the pants all the time."


"Sniff his fingers after itching his bum or balls. Like why? If you feel the need to maybe sniff, go wash yourself!"

Writer's note: This, by the way, was an extremely common answer. When I told Jill she expressed relief at not being alone. You're not, Jill. None of us are is alone.


"Farts and pauses and farts and pauses to make it musical. [He also] performs 'surgeries' on pimples/ingrowns/growths."
Ad failed to load



"He cuts his toe nails with a pocket knife... in our living room."

Writer's note: Dude. When you are behaving exactly like Frank Reynolds from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, it's time for you to seriously examine your life and the choices you make.


"He is incapable of farting without some sort of antic. It ranges from a simple bend at the waist to push the fart out, all the way to an exaggerated leg kick while laying or a trombone motion to seduce the gas out."

Writer's note: Apparently "Euphemia" told her husband she answered this question, to which he responded "Did you tell them about the trombone?" You guys! They know exactly what they do to us! They don't even care!


"My ex used to eat Doritos by licking off the seasoning of each chip and creating a small pile on his chest (as he reclined on the couch.) Then at some point he'd consume the pile of soggy chips."
Ad failed to load



"My ex-husband (let’s emphasize that: ex-husband) never brushed his teeth. Like ever. I hated kissing him. I have no idea how his teeth haven’t rotted. You could smell his breath from feet away. This alone was cause for divorce, among all of the other crap."


"He leaves the most disgusting used Q-tips on the bathroom sink and I have to pick them up and throw them in the trash can.... which is two feet away. I’m talking CHUNKS of wax."


"[He] used to clip toenails in the living room, no trash can, just let them launch into the wind. That stopped under threat of divorce."
Ad failed to load



"I don’t understand the total bathroom grossness factor. Pee everywhere. The pubes on the toilet seat, just the pure laziness that comes with cleanliness. And we won't even talk about the crusty socks from 'alone time.'"


"My husband is constantly hacking snot. He works outside in [a cold weather state] and I think that makes it worse. If he’s in bed? He will spit the snot into a water bottle and f*cking leave it there on the floor next to the bed. He always brings a water to bed and never picks up the bottles. Nasty."


"My husband picks skin off his feet and leaves it on the windowsill next to our bed. Or, in our bed."
Ad failed to load



"My husband stands up to wipe his ass after he takes a crap. He must have some bizarre technique because we forever have little rice sized rolls of toilet paper on the floor that have shit on them. I have nearly filed for divorce over it in the past and for the life of me I can’t understand why he is not more grossed out by this himself."


"We have four bathrooms and my husband feels the need to take a giant poop in the one bathroom that’s next to the kitchen every damn morning."


"I went into the bathroom once after my husband and found pee EVERYWHERE. I asked what the hell happened, and he said he saw a spider. Hide the evidence, buddy."
Ad failed to load



"My husband chews on everything. The worst is toenails. He will chew on a toenail for days. (He gums it at night... I know... barf.) He usually keeps it in his mouth until I finally see it and essentially become hysterical and fight him until he spits it out. He sees absolutely no problem with this whatsoever."


"Spits his dip in my Rae Dunn cups, and then when he barely misses the rim a string of it is attached to his mouth and my cup which then lands all in his beard. He leaves it there."


"Blows his nose at the dinner table, at home, in a restaurant, literally anywhere food is being served. I told him the moment one of our boys starts doing this we’re getting divorced."
Ad failed to load



"The farts. Oh Lord, the farts. The worst part is if he is gassy he pulls his ass cheeks apart to fart (he says it’s easier) I die a little inside every time I see him do it."

Writer's note: How, exactly, does pulling your cheeks apart make farting easier, you liar?!


"Mine has his early morning pre-shower shit. Every day, he starts the shower, then he plays a game on his phone. He then DOES. NOT. WIPE. and will stand in the bathroom finishing his game then gets in the shower, crappy butt and all."

Writer's note: I am terrified to be raising my children in a world where this happens.


"Pulls out his eyebrow hair and chews on it. F*cking disgusting!"
Ad failed to load



"The idea of flicking plaque and the sound of it is gross."

Writer's note: This answer was also all too common. Guys! Bathroom! Come on now!


"Once we were flipping our mattress and I discovered nail clippings under his side. I don't know if they were fingernails or toenails or clipped or bitten but he was completely clueless so I think he was doing whatever he was doing in his sleep. W.T.F."

Writer's note: Girl, you have a more generous heart than I do because I'd be like, "Oh yeah, you have no idea. Right..."


"He’s obsessed with using toothpicks, which isn’t a problem. The problem is he leaves used toothpicks all over the house."
Ad failed to load



"Skid marks in the toilet. All the time. And no embarrassment at all. Like leaves them there for all to find. And not small skid marks. Like double or triple flush if you need to."


"He hocks giant throat boogers in the sink every morning."


"He leaves his fungus toenails wherever he has cut them off. ... He [also] moves closer to me when he lets one rip and he sighs so contentedly after a smelly fart."
Ad failed to load



"My husband sneezes without covering his face and snot shoots out everywhere as well as whatever spit is added to the ginormous over-exaggerated sneeze. So gross."


"Every time we get in the car, he finds the need to pick his nose! Every single time! He freaking keeps his right pinky nail longer so it’s easier to pick his nose. He gets so upset when he breaks that nail."

Writer's note: I'm an unabashed nose picker, but I draw the line at having a designated booger nail. That brings it from "habit" to "hobby."


"Honestly, it’s the endless farting. Endless. He just farts all over the house constantly. He crop dusts me as he passes."

Writer's note: Girl, same life.

Ad failed to load



"When my husband pees he “lets everything lose,” as he would say. So he usually farts disgusting farts. I am still amazed that he doesn’t sh*t himself every single f*cking time he pees. I do not understand. It is the f*cking grossest."


"The farting at the table and the noises of relief! For f*ck sake! At least let it be silent and deadly! I should add he couldn't smell a bucket of sh*t if you hung it under his nose, so he doesn't care about letting it go anywhere anytime."


"Shaving and not cleaning it all off the bathroom counter, floor, mat. Claims he can’t see it all when the counter is wet!"
Ad failed to load


"SNOT ROCKETS. I cannot deal with the snot rockets."



"Sticks his finger in my buttcrack when I’m bent over doing household chores, then sticks his finger under my nose. "

Writer's note: My response to this was to exhale a long and horrified "Nooo!" very softly. It's all I could manage. Bryanna and I discussed this at length and when she expressed her embarrassment I reminded her that she could remain anonymous to which she said, "No, let's out his ass." I cannot recall a time when I've ever respected someone more.


OK, seriously: where is my Pulitzer for this? Because I have suffered untold mental distress putting this together and I feel like I need some sort of major award to make it all worth it.

Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherload, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

7 Things A Mom Really Means When She Says She Doesn't Want Anything On Mother's Day

Every year my family asks me what I want for Mother's Day, and every single year I tell them the same thing: Nothing. So, by now, they know that when I say "nothing" I absolutely do not mean "nothing." In fact, there are more than a few things a mom …
By Candace Ganger

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

8 Fascinating Facts About Babies Born In May, The Luckiest Month Of All

The height of all things fresh and springy, May is an excellent month to have a baby. It's a time of growth, graduations, and outdoor celebrations. And these fascinating facts about May babies will give you more reasons than ever to appreciate childr…
By Lindsay E. Mack

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

Here's How To Introduce Your Pet To Your Baby & Make Everything As Calm As Possible

Our home, which we lovingly refer to as “the funny farm,” is filled with four-legged family members. We have two crazy beagles and two cat jerks, and boy are they loved and spoiled. (As they should be.) But we are now finally having a baby of our own…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Here's The Right Birth Method For You, According To Your Zodiac Sign

If you're pregnant, you've probably given childbirth some serious thought. Some moms-to-be prepare a meticulous birth plan, while others are comfortable just going with the flow. And me? Well, I made a plan... but that plan was useless when faced wit…
By Steph Montgomery

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills