Now, I'm no mind reader or anything, but I'm fairly certain my boyfriend wasn't trying to annoy me during my first trimester. It's now years later, and I still have to remind myself of that fact when I think back on the first few months of my pregnancy. I'm beyond certain that my boyfriend was doing everything in his power to make me feel as comfortable, supported, confident, and entertained during my pregnancy. And yet, whether intentional or not, I realized there are some annoying things your partner will do when you're in your first trimester, regardless. Yes, even if he does hilarious little bits with your cat to make you laugh, and does literally any errand or task you ask him to, and refuses to judge you for eating ungodly quantities of chocolate and thai takeout. You know, for example.
But given that I was a hormone sundae and that I was struggling to mentally comprehend the short- and long-term changes that were befalling every square inch of my life, I was primed to be annoyed. So, you k now, I frequently was. There was probably at least a little bit of a subconscious "you did this to me and this is your fault" thing going on when I would find my boyfriend particularly irritating during my first trimester, but bless his heart, it was honestly a matter of proximity. I was puking, worrying, not sleeping well, and I couldn't really blame the rapidly multiplying ball of cells in my uterus, so my boyfriend was the next closest party to be annoyed with.
The list of things he did that annoyed me is long enough to encircle the sun, and most of it was admittedly not super justified. But some of it really, really was. Here are some of the most annoying things he did that no one with a pregnant partner should ever, ever do.
Attempt To Sympathize
It's obviously good to be comforting and supportive and all that, but any attempts to act like you really have any functional ability to understand what we're emotionally and physically experiencing are kinda dumb and slightly offensive. "I have no idea what this must be like for you, but I'm here for whatever you need." Memorize those words, then use them liberally.
Minimize Your Stress & Discomfort
Let's give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that when you say things like "I'm sure it's not that bad" about literally anything happening with your pregnant partner during their first trimester, you're trying to help. I don't know why that would be helpful, but I'm not here to critique you're extremely misguided attempts. Just know that it's not, in fact, helpful at all. Anything that approaches making light of whatever hard feeling your pregnant partner is having to endure will only make them feel worse.
Act Like Everything Is Normal
Depending on who you are and how you process stress, maybe your partner acting like life is just carrying on normally is helpful for you. Maybe your partner illuminating all the ways in which your whole world isn't suddenly changed is somewhat comforting and stabilizing. But I venture to guess that for most pregnant women, having a partner who does this effectively just makes you feel more alone in your sense that actually, no, nothing is the same. Please join us in freaking the f*ck out, beloved partners.
Eat Your Food, Which Is Very Much *Your* Food Now
There was once a beautiful pre-pregnancy time in my relationship when I would buy, say, some cookies I really loved, and if my boyfriend ate one of them, I'd be like, "Aww, what a nice thing that I share share the treats I love with the person I love." And then I got pregnant, and once he took a bite of my dinner without asking me I didn't talk to him for three days. Look, I don't make the rules, guys.
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