In the name of authenticity, I'll just come right out and say it: having a baby changes your sex life for good. Like, forever. Things will never be the same as they were pre-baby — and by "things" I mean literally everything from your body, to your partner's body, to your energy levels, to your libido. But just because parenthood changes things doesn't mean it's for the worse. In fact, you may be surprised at the signs that your sex life will come back after kids — and, I'll dare to add, stronger and sexier than ever before.
My husband and I had kiddos early. Like, really early. For a young couple who "should" — by society's standards — be at their sexual peak, having a baby wrecked our sex life. My body changed, my libido decreased, I was exhausted all the time, and frankly, I couldn't have cared less about sex for the first few months after giving birth. This sudden change threw our relationship for a loop, but, as most couples do, we got through it.
The Mayo Clinic noted that every woman is different when it comes to her sexual desires and her physical abilities after giving birth, but if you're like me and the mere thought of doing anything in bed other than sleep just exhausted you even more that you already were, you're not alone. Luckily, your sex life can and will return after giving birth, so be on the look out for these sure signs that things are changing for the better.
1. Your Co-Parent Is A Supportive Partner
Having a baby can send your relationship through the ringer, and not just sexually-speaking. If your partner has been supportive thus far, throughout pregnancy, delivery, and new-parenthood, the chances are good that you can weather the sexual storm as well. Belly Belly noted that there are many ways a couple can bond postpartum, especially when sex is off the table (for the time being). Maintaining this closeness, even if you're not having sex, is a good sign that you'll be back in business a little down the road.
2. You've Survived Ruts In The Past
If you've been together for longer than two weeks, you and your partner have probably experienced some kind of "rut" before. Whether it was a sexual dry spell, a big argument, or turmoil of another kind, if you've weathered one storm, you can survive another.
3. You're Not Afraid To Get Creative
Sex after baby often requires you to try new things that you haven't before and, while to some, that may seem like an invitation to get even friskier than usual, to the postpartum mom, it means getting creative in other ways. It may mean quickies during nap time, or it may mean learning new ways of turning her on, but whatever it is, know that you're experimenting together and that, in itself, is a good sign.
4. You're Open With Each Other
As psychotherapist Dr. Barton Goldsmith noted in Psychology Today, honesty can make or break a relationship. If you and you're partner are able to be honest with each other about how you're feeling, physically and emotionally, then you're in a good place to foster those feeling of intimacy that will lead you down the path to a revitalized sex life.
5. You Are Ready To Take Care Of Yourself Too
Writing for Kveller, new mom Ronnie Koenig shared that, in her experience, there's no way you and your partner can resume sex as normal if you're not taking care of yourself too. Don't feel guilty for taking a long bath after bedtime, or for scheduling in some alone time to refresh. Chances are, you'll feel much more ready to "get it on" once you're feeling more like yourself and less like a human burp cloth.
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