When you have a baby after suffering a miscarriage, birth and live and babies take on a whole new meaning. All the small things you might've taken for granted are suddenly the most important, because you'll never stop thinking about what could've been with the pregnancy (or pregnancies) you lost. Some thoughts every new mom has when she has a rainbow baby include exactly that — what could've been. Having lived it myself, I can confidently say those feelings never really go away. However, and thankfully, they did ease with time and the addition of my darling rainbow.
When I first held my son in my arms, it was so surreal I almost couldn't believe we'd made it. Considering the heartbreaking journey to have him — including having his older, sunshine baby sister, two pregnancy losses, and ongoing fertility issues that stemmed from untreated cysts on my ovaries — it seemed as though that day would never actually arrive. I spent so much time sobbing on the bathroom floor, wondering why my body wouldn't cooperate and yet, with my baby in my arms, I knew I wouldn't change a thing. All of the devastation brought my son and I to this beautiful place; one where we understand pain and won't allow a single moment to be taken for granted.
Having said that, I was terrified the doctors would find something wrong with my boy, even after his delivery, because the feeling of inevitable loss had become second-nature by that point. I prepared myself for anything. Thankfully, my fears didn't keep us from bonding the way I dreamed about all those uncomfortable months I carried him through my high-risk pregnancy. So feeling an instant connection, along with the following things, just might be par for the parenting course when a new mom finally has her rainbow baby.