There's really something to that idea that we treat the ones we love the most, the worst. Though I strive to be more intentional in my communication with my loved ones, there are times when I'm woefully unsuccessful. Mother-daughter relationships are admittedly complex, and when I was pregnant my guard was down, emotions were high, and I said some things I regret. Chances are, you will too. Yes, my friends, there are bound to be a few passive aggressive things you'll say to your own mom when you're pregnant, but hey: maybe you can stop the words before they exit your face. Nothing's impossible, right?
If I'm being honest, I will admit that I'm not the best judge when it comes to whether or not these passive aggressive things I said to my mother while I was pregnant are really as bad as I think they are. Because, dear reader, I remember them with an huge umbrella of shame hanging over my head. Like the weeping willow over the burial place of my childhood turtle, "Fonzi," level of shame.
Am I being dramatic? I don't know. I just know that the woman who gave me life with barely any help from anyone had to listen to my snarky comments for over 27 months, which is the combined pregnancy terms of my three children. Please learn from my mistakes and, if you value your mom at all, shut your mouth around her during pregnancy so you don't say these passive aggressive things:
"Do You Really Want Your Grandchild To Hear That?"
When your mom makes a critical comment, using guilt about her future grandchild is just kinda cruel. (Unless you mom is actually cruel herself, then do your thing.)
"Do You Really Want Your Grandchild To Live Like This?"
Ouch. When I was pregnant with my first child my mother was house hunting for a retirement-investment property. The deal was she would have tenants she could trust, and we could have a better-than-the-studio-we're-currently-living-in place to live while paying sub-market rent.
We looked at some cramped and shady AF places, I tell ya. I'm not proud of having said this several times, but I'm nothing if not honest about my flaws.
"I Will Do Things Differently Than You"
I don't know about you, but each time I'm pregnant I get all reflective on my own childhood and how I want to do things differently than my mom did. I may have, once or twice, passive aggressively informed her of these musings.
The reality though? As moms go, my mom was pretty stellar and even the things I used to be angry about, I truly understand now. I hope my kids will forgive me for my mistakes, too.
"Well I'm Not You, Am I?"
I'm seriously cringing with each of these that I write. Yes, I said these things to my mom passive aggressively while pregnant. No, I wouldn't recommend it. If knowing my shame will stop your hormone-addled pregnant mouth from uttering these things to your own mother during pregnancy, then my disclosure was totally worth it.
"We Do Things Differently Now"
A dig on her having been pregnant so long ago, that she didn't know what the proper rules were in 2009, 2011, or 2016, is a little unfair, don't you think?
(Did I mention how not proud I am of these passive aggressive statements?)
"Was That Helpful When You Were Pregnant?"
And finally, to really understand the impact of these words you have to imagine the tone. Dripping with the same snotty sarcasm that I perfected when I was a teenager.
Dear reader, learn from my mistakes. When you're pregnant and you can't stop yourself from being passive aggressive toward your mom, you'll think you're righteous and entitled to these opinions in the moment. You're not. But no one will be able to convince you otherwise. So, maybe, just save the visits with mom for when you're on a pregnancy high instead of a pregnancy low.
You can thank me for it later, too. You know, when you're still on speaking terms with your mom and you need help changing that first diaper.
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