If you’re familiar with any of comedian Ali Wong’s work, then you know that she’s not afraid to share things about her personal life while also touching on issues that other moms face on a day-to-day basis. Her most recent stand-up special does the same thing and these jokes from Ali Wong’s Netflix special Hard Knock Wife will make you wish she was your best mom friend in real life. The special itself is full of commentary from Wong, a mom to one little girl and — at the time it was filmed — pregnant with her second child.
Because of her experience as a mom, mixed with her naturally infectious attitude, she returned to Netflix after her 2016 special Baby Cobra to talk about the woes of breastfeeding, giving birth, and overall parenting experiences. Like so many of us, Wong is a working mom who has faced the same kinds of judgement, criticisms, and stress that many moms go through all the time. Like I said, she’s the mom friend we all need and isn't afraid to tackle the stressful (yet sometimes hilarious) truths about pregnancy and motherhood as a whole.
The entire special is definitely worth a watch, but just in case you need a little incentive to check it out, here are some of the best jokes that every mom can appreciate.
1. On Co-Workers Commenting About Her Returning To Work
"I’ve been with my baby girl since she was born, all day every day, and I love her so much. But I'm on the verge of putting her in the garbage."
Maternity leave is great and all, but at some point, cabin fever definitely sets in, even if you’re over the moon in love with your new baby.
2. On People Asking About Who's Taking Care Of The Baby
"The TV is taking care of the baby, OK?"
Even if you’re lucky enough to have a partner, there are times, more often than not, when others have the mindset that no one should be taking care of your baby but you. Also, I might die if my son’s iPad ever breaks.
3. On Being A Stay-At-Home Mom For Eight Weeks
"I did not understand that the whole price you have to pay for staying at home is you got to be a mom... it's a wack ass job. You get no 401K, no co-workers. You’re just in solitary confinement all day long with this human Tamagotchi."
Being a stay-at-home mom has its perks, but if you’re new to the gig, it’s definitely a rude awakening, since it’s not all about getting to sleep in and then go on lunches with girlfriends. Actually, it's not like that at all.
4. On Mom Groups
"I joined a mom group in Los Angeles. I don't find any of these b*tches particularly interesting or fun, but when you’re a new mom on maternity leave, it’s like The Walking Dead. You just gotta hook up with a crew to survive."
I truly never thought I would be so obsessed with making new friends as a grown woman, but being a mom makes you seek out friendships with other moms, even if they may not all be your first choice.
5. On Breastfeeding
"Giving birth ain't nothing compared to breastfeeding… I thought it was supposed to be this beautiful bonding ceremony... no, it's not like that at all. Breastfeeding is this savage ritual that just reminds you that your body is a cafeteria now."
Wong also described the struggle of trying to get your baby to latch and of trying to breastfeed at all without taking any classes or learning about it beforehand. The struggle is very, very real.
6. On Choosing Breastfeeding Over Formula
"I do it because breast is free… local, organic, free range farm to mouth milk squirting out of my titties… I wasn't about to let that go to waste. If you shat out juicy hamburgers, would you ever wait in the line at In-and-Out Burger again?"
Aside from the ongoing debate of breastfeeding vs. formula, which are both totally acceptable and beneficial for your baby, you just can't deny Wong's shrewd (and hilarious) observation.
7. On Balancing Motherhood With Her Career
"A lot of people like to ask me, 'Ali, how on Earth do you balance family and career?' Men never get asked that question, because they don’t... my husband occasionally changes diapers and when people hear that — oh my God, confetti everywhere! 'I cannot believe that your husband changes diapers. What a doting, modern father, lucky you.' When my baby girl was first born, I would do skin on skin contact every day to bond with her. She sh*t on my chest. Where’s my confetti at?"
There’s no getting around the double standard of there being higher expectations of moms over dads. This is a perfect example, since there are literally so many things that we as moms do or endure behind-the-scenes that no one even realizes.
Don’t get me wrong — motherhood really is this amazing and beautiful thing. I feel lucky to have a four-year-old every single day. But there are definitely aspects to pregnancy, giving birth, and motherhood that you just have to laugh about so you don’t dwell on them too much. With Wong’s Netflix special Hard Knock Wife, that’s exactly what she did and now the only question I have is how long will it be before we get another stand-up special from her. I need it ASAP!