My pregnancy was rough. I was high-risk due to a heart condition, I gained a lot of weigh for my small stature, and I was ridiculously uncomfortable. In other words, my pregnancy wasn't the type constantly romanticized in the media. As a result I needed constant reassurance during those 40 (more or less) weeks. Since I couldn't possibly ask my husband to constantly console me, I was in charge of walking myself off the ledge. "You will survive," is something I often said to myself during my pregnancy pep talk.
I felt awful during most of my pregnancy. I had every pregnancy symptom known to women, and sometimes felt as though I was being punished for carrying a child. I had no idea how difficult pregnancy could be, since our media makes it seem like it's the most beautiful and wonderful experience a woman can go through. Yes, pregnancy can be amazing, but for me, it wasn't.
So I would talk to myself often. Sometimes I'd remind myself I am still the same person I was prior to this pregnancy. I would tell myself that I would have to wait just a few months until I could once again devour a spicy tuna roll. I consoled myself when all of my friends were out drinking by creating delicious virgin versions of whatever it was they were having. So, yeah, I found ways to make it through the pregnancy by having conversations with myself.
"Everything Will Get Back To Normal"
Everything seemed so upside down when I was pregnant, that I had to keep telling myself it was all temporary. I knew that one day I would no longer waddle and, once again, would be able to see my feet. I knew there was an actual end to the pregnancy madness and that was what I kept telling myself.
"Only [Insert Number Here] Weeks To Go"
Somewhere around halfway through the pregnancy I started counting down the weeks. I couldn't wait to get the baby out and have my brain and body back, so counting concrete weeks helped the psyche.
"One Day I Will Remember Things Again"
My memory was completely shot throughout the pregnancy. I couldn't remember where I left my keys, only to find them still hanging in the lock. I would search for the glasses that were resting on top of my head. I'd forget appointments and to call people back. I knew this was a phenomenon called "placenta brain" and one day it would go away and I will once again remember all the things I need to remember.
"I Bet All Pregnant Women Feel This Way"
Although I knew this was a lie I kept telling myself, I had to at least try to convince myself that others felt as miserable as I did. They say misery loves company and although I wouldn't wish misery upon anyone, especially not a pregnant woman, it was comforting to know I may not be the only one feeling the way I was feeling.
"I Will Get My Body Back"
Looking in the mirror I saw someone else. I saw a weird, stretched out face and a huge body. I saw someone who looked nothing like me and that scared me. But I had to keep telling myself that I will eventually get my body and face back, and I did, eventually.
"This Is Normal"
This wasn't just what I said to myself, this is something my OB-GYN would say to me every time I questioned something I was experiencing. After the numerous times she told me what I was feeling was normal, I adopted that mentality and just told myself the same thing over and over again.
"I'm Creating A Life"
I wasn't doing this for nothing. I wasn't pregnant for the fun of it. I was carrying a child. My body was fueling and forming a human being. I wasn't just getting big and uncomfortable for the sake of being big and uncomfortable, I was doing it for a greater purpose; for the best purpose. I was creating a life.