I hated pregnancy. I'd love to go one and on about the supposed pregnancy glow or those sweet baby kicks, but no. And since my personal hell that is growing another human being inside my body wasn't bad enough, my husband always knew the exact wrong time to do or say something, sending me into a rage spiral only a quart of ice cream could cure. In fact, there were numerous times when my husband made my pregnancy worse and, honestly, I'm still not over. Some scars last a lifetime, my friends. And no, I'm not just talking about stretch marks and C-sections.
During my first pregnancy I downplayed a lot of my valid frustrations because, well, neither one of us had ever been through something so life-changing before. There's a level of leniency in the unknown, you know? It wasn't until that horrendous, heavy morning sickness kicked in that I really felt like my feelings were valid. I mean, I couldn't get through a typical day doing typical things, so why should he?
My second pregnancy was slightly different, though. Having been through the whole gestation thing once before, I could differentiate serious pain from the normal aches and discomforts associated with pregnancy. So when those "something is wrong" red flags started showing up, I expected my partner to act accordingly. Sometimes he stepped up to the plate, to be sure, but other times he fell short and, sadly, made things worse. So with that in mind, here are a few ways my partner made pregnancy a much more exhausting experience:
When He Ate Whatever The Hell He Wanted
My husband's "I can eat whatever I want" attitude made me want to rage against the dying of the light. Did he not understand that specific smells made me physically sick? Or that eating a roll of delicious sushi right in front of my face was cruel? Have some common courtesy, dude!
When He Didn't Understand My Limitations
There was absolutely no reasons why I should've been vacuuming or doing multiple loads of laundry while my husband sat on the couch, staring blankly at his phone. He was so used to me handling the household responsibilities that it never crossed his mind that, maybe, just maybe, I needed to relax and rest and chill.
When He Constantly Complained
Oh, I'm sorry, you say your back hurts? Let me catapult myself off the couch, waddle my way over to you as quickly as possible, and rub your aching muscles.
Obviously I care if my partner is in pain or suffering in any way, but I must admit that I married a delicate dude. He was an only child, so every small pain, to him, is a big one. I could've done without his constantly complaining when I was dealing an aching back and expanding uterus and morning sickness that lasted all damn day.
When He Snored
Pregnancy is exhausting, so believe me when I say us knocked up ladies need our sleep. So imagine my anger when I finally got into bed, only to be forced to contend with my husband's incessant snoring.
When He Missed My Appointments
I understand that the majority of my routine pregnancy appointments were scheduled during my husband's work hours, and he couldn't always take time off to be there. But there were some scary appointments, too, and I needed my person by my side. Going alone made my pregnancy feel stressful and isolating. I constantly worried I would hear some bad news and not only have no one to turn to in the moment, but have to be burdened with the responsibility of breaking that news to my husband, too.
When He Didn't Encourage Me To Slow Down
I'm the type of woman who needs to stay busy, then turns around and complains about being so busy. My husband calls me out on this juxtaposition, sure, but he can't always tell when I'm at my breaking point.
When I'm pregnant, though, I need my husband to focus and be aware of how hard I'm working, how often I'm exhausting myself, and when I'm passing over a moment to relax. I didn't slow down during either one of my pregnancies, though, and more often than not I felt like no one really cared one way or the other.
When He Breathed The Wrong Way
Alright, truth time. Sometimes, it truly didn't matter what my husband did. I was so miserable, so uncomfortable, and so stressed, that every move he made or thing he said just seemed... wrong. So between the hormones, fatigue, and growing pains, I can admit that there were days when he just couldn't win.
But I was growing arms and legs inside my body, dude. So, you know, I think the least any non-pregnant partner can do is deal with the outbursts, be supportive, and help their pregnant better-half navigate the ups and downs of gestational life.
Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherload, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.