Most people assume that trying to conceive a baby basically just involves non-stop sex (assuming that's how you're trying to get pregnant). While this undoubtedly is an important (and awesome) part of conception if you're going about creating a child the old-fashioned way, there's also more to it than sexy lingerie and peanut-butter-jelly-time. There's a lot of emotion and preparation involved, for you, your partner, your job, your other kids if you have them — a lot. There's a good chance that your phone might end up being as much of a partner in the act of conceiving as your actual partner. If you've tried to conceive lately, you understand that sex is such a tiny piece of a sometimes complicated puzzle. And putting all those pieces together can be both exhausting and kind of strange.
If you're not trying to conceive a baby in the ol' penis/vagina way, there are a lot more factors and practices required than I'll get into right now, mostly because I've never been there, so I really have no right to explain something I know very little about. But that doesn't mean that there aren't some similar aspects we all experience during conception. Sometimes trying to conceive is, well, weird. There's a lot of science, and when you really think about everything that has to go exactly right at the exact right time, it's a miracle that children are conceived every single day.
But alas, it happens all the time. So if you're in the market for making a baby, prepare yourself. It's about to get weird.
Download Apps To Track Your Ovulation
If you've got a smart phone and you're trying to have a baby, you're about to develop a seriously personal relationship with it. You're going to tell it every detail about your cycle, and it return it's going to tell you when prime-baby-making-time is. Some of them can even track your ovulation down to the hour. Yes, really. It's crazy, right? Like, I don't talk to my friends about these things, yet my iPhone and I were incredibly intertwined with my reproductive system, especially when we were trying to conceive.
How is it that the Baby Boom happened without technology like this?
You Go On A Fertility Diet
Say goodbye to all of those processed foods. If you want to up your odds of conception, there's a good chance that your diet is going to experience a makeover. Foods high in zinc, whole milk, and plenty of protein are all staples in the prenatal diet.
Maybe you don't really have a taste for fish, but if you're trying to conceive, you'll eat plenty of it (even if it makes you gag). Foods like salmon are high in omega-3 fatty acids, which can help regulate reproductive hormones and increase blood flow to your reproductive organs.
For the sake of your little one, you might find yourself eating foods that were previously foreign to you. Enjoy that hearty appetite now, because there's a distinct chance that everything you taste will make you nauseous once you're pregnant.
Have Sex At Odd Hours
In order to boost the odds of conception, you will occasionally have sex at some very odd hours when you're ovulating. You don't want to miss your window, so sometimes a lunch-hour quickie is a very necessary part of conceiving. Sometimes you're called to throw down during the wee hours of the night, and sometimes it's go-time before you've even finished your coffee. All of this makes for a great story once your kid grows up and you want to keep them in check by publicly embarrassing them.
Pro tip: tint your car windows. You're welcome.
Set An Ovulation Alarm
As if hearing alarms go off isn't annoying enough, you get to add one more to the schedule when you're TTC that is the opposite of your morning alarm: Instead of telling you it's time to wake up, it tells you when it's time to get down. Most women don't feel their bodies ovulating, so using an app that will track ovulation and sound a bell when you're trying to cook up a baby is a fairly normal part of your life when trying to conceive. And when that bell goes off, it's on. That's when it's time to drop everything (and I do mean everything) and get to the fun part of conception.
If hearing that alarm is music to your ears, feel free to perform a little fertility dance. Have no shame. You're up to something awesome.
Purchase A Stockpile Of Pregnancy Tests
Did you find a sweet pregnancy test coupons somewhere? Grab that sucker, and stock up on them. The discount will be a welcome gift when you're trying to conceive. You'll take tests on a regular basis, so buying in bulk is a completely normal part of your budget now. Each time is more and more exciting as you wait for two eternal moments to pass and gift you with the pink lines you're dying to see.
I bet you never thought that peeing on a sick would be a normal part of your every day routine, or that it would actually be (sort of) fun, but alas, here you are.
Stalk Your Period
(Yes, that's Regina George playing the part of your period.)
Knowing the details of your cycle is important when trying to conceive. If you were lackadaisical in keeping track of it beforehand, now's the time to get it together. Mark your calendar and stalk Aunt Flow like a crazy ex-girlfriend because you've got a baby to make, and you need mother nature on your side.
There's also an app for this. It's especially helpful if your cycle isn't always regular, and it helps you to understand your peek fertility days. Once you're pregnant, you can forget about the most annoying time of the month for nine (mostly) glorious months.
Throw Around A Lot Of Weird Science Terms And Acronyms
Do you know what "amniocentesis" means? What about endometrium, or episiotomy, or IVF, GD, DS, or PCP? There's a lot of terminology thrown around while trying to conceive, but learning the abbreviations and definitions before getting pregnant will help you to better understand what all is going on with your body. And trust me — a lot is happening in there, so you'll be glad for your comprehension. And don't be surprised when you start dropping random medical terms in your every day conversations. That's just par for the course when you're trying to conceive. You're basically your own walking science experiment, so if you want to make the grade you might as well get used to your new vocabulary.
Images: Crew/Unsplash; Giphy (7)