Kids are adorable and curious and wonderful and exciting and any other wonderful adjective you could possible think of. They're also creepy as hell. Whether it's strange things they do in their sleep or strange things they do when their toddlers or, you know, everything they do as a teenage; kids are weird. I didn't realize just how odd kids can be, until I watched my toddler son and witnessed all the creepy things kids do when they're playing by themselves. I mean, once I got passed the excitement of having my kid entertain himself, so I could sit back and relax, I was a little creeped out.
For the first time in my child's life (he's about to turn two) he has his own room. We used to live in a one bedroom apartment and we used to co-sleep, so having his own space for his own toys is a recent development, and one that he is absolutely loving. He plays by himself more than ever before which, you know, my partner and I are loving. It's also kind of creepy, because he is doing things that far too many horror stories have conditioned me to be weary of. Like, he's one creepy thing away from having me drive him to some extravagant cathedral so I can douse him in holy water. That's where we're at, people.
Of course, everything my son has done that I consider creepy, is totally normal. He's just being a kid and kids are just weird, so this is par for the parenting course. Still, it doesn't mean it's any less weird, and I've learned that talking myself down from the proverbial ledge is the best way to combat my worried mind when the following creepy things occur:
They Talk To Themselves
My kid talks to himself all the time, and when I don't think it's absolutely adorable, I do think it's a little creepy. He's about to turn two so his ramblings consist of some actual words with a bunch of filler toddler jargon that make zero sense to the average adult. I've often sat back and watched him, trying to decipher what it is he's telling himself. So far, I can gather that he's actually playing out certain scenarios and pretending to be different people, which is also absolutely adorable and a little creepy.
They Line Up Their Toys Perfectly
My child can't be the only one that does this, right? With no prompt or even an ounce of encouragement, my kid will line up every toy car or doll or piece of fake fruit he has, in a perfect line. He will then get upset if someone messes up that perfect line, including himself. It's adorable and slightly hilarious and I'm sure he's going to end up being Type A, just like mom, and, well, it's kind of creepy.
They Talk To Someone That Clearly Isn't There
Nope. This is a big nope. I have seen too many scary movies where kids end up possessed for me to think that my kid talking to some non-person is "cute." This is creepy. Actually, it creeps me out. Like, sufficiently. Obviously the rational part of my brain knows that having an imaginary friend is normal, but the horror-movie-loving part of my brain trumps the rational part of my brain.
They Stare At A Specific Place In The Room...
Again, scary movies have ruined these instances for me. Like, it's not cute. I start thinking about ghosts and apparitions and potential possessions and this just isn't OK, child of mine. Stop staring at that wall or that corner. Stop.
...Or Point To A Place In The Room, As If Someone Is There
To be fair, this has only happened once. I was watching my son play in his room while I was making dinner, only to notice him pointing at a specific place in the wall. I leaned towards the kitchen counter to get a better look, assuming the cat was in the room and my kid was bossing her around, per usual. Yeah, the cat wasn't there. No one was there.
They Play Out A Scenario They Shouldn't Know Or Remember
My kid re-enacts moments he shouldn't be able to remember. I mean, it's insanity, you guys. He'll start playing and pretending like he is at the park or feeding the chickens at grandma's house, and he hasn't been to grandma's house in months. How is this even possible? Creepiness, that's how.
They Share Their Toys With Someone Who Isn't There
I guess it's a good thing that your kid has decent manners? I mean, if you can get passed the fact that he or she is sharing their toys with someone who doesn't exist, it is just adorable. Gulp.
They Get Irrationally Mad If You Try To Play With Them
I have tried to go into my son's room, sit next to him and start playing with the toys he's currently infatuated with, only to be scolded. It seems like the non-people he is playing with are ten times cooler than me, which, you know, hurts. Like, I'm a real human being and I can't compete?! It's a little creepy kid. Hurtful, and creepy.